


First Duty Station: Virginia is for Lovers

by Willbakefordean



Series: Who Doesn't Love a Man in Uniform [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Male Lactation, Military AU, Mpreg, Smut, graphic birth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2018-12-16 12:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willbakefordean/pseuds/Willbakefordean
Summary: Dean and Cas are finally together and though the first few days are not exactly what they had planned, they forge on in their new life together. They settle into their new life on base and prepare for their family to grow just a bit bigger.





	1. We Belong Together

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the series: Who Doesn't Love a Man in Uniform. I would suggest you go back and read parts one and two in order for it to make the most sense.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is not how Cas and Dean though they would reunite, but then again, they never were a typical couple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone reading this series. Some medical stuff in this chapter for those who need to know. Also I rated the fic explicit because it will be, but this chapter is teen at most, and that is for medical stuff.

Dean recognized Cas as soon as he hit the top step of the escalator. That tall, dark head of hair was coming to be with him. It was all he could do not to run up through the other passengers to get Cas in his arms. Knowing he was here in Virginia was an incredible feeling and Dean could not suppress his smile. Unfortunately, the closer Cas got to him the more Dean noticed something was wrong.

Cas had texted he was not feeling well and that it was a hard trip, but it was far worse than Dean expected. Cas was in different clothes than he had been wearing in the selfie he sent from the first part of his day. He looked haggard, his coloring was off and he was holding onto the escalator with both hands like he was unsteady on his feet. Even from a distance he could see Cas was nearly in tears.

Dean waited for Cas to come the last few steps, he knew Cas had seen him and he did not want to get lost in the crowd. Dean opened his arms to welcome Cas. He dropped his backpack, launched himself at Dean and lost it. They held each other and Dean felt Cas melt into him. He plastered him with kisses wherever he could reach. Poor Cas sobbed into Dean’s neck and Dean was not ashamed to say he cried right along with him. He held him tightly, partly because of how glad he was to be with him, and also because it felt like Cas was unsteady on his feet.

Cas’ sobs began to slow and Dean rubbed calming circles into his back. He cradled the back of Cas’ head and gave him a chance to relax.

Finally he managed to find his voice. “Heya Cas.”

Cas lifted his head like it weighed a ton and with a weak but happy smile he said, “Hello Dean.”

Dean kissed him chastely on the mouth, lips closed, despite Cas’ warning about puke breath. He rubbed his hands up and down Cas’ arms and they just looked at each other. After a few minutes, Dean put his hand on Cas’ still fairly flat belly and leaned over to place a sweet kiss there.

“Hello little baby, it’s me, your dad.” It was darling but Cas was suddenly nauseous.

Cas’ lips were dry, almost cracked and he began to teeter a bit.

“You okay, Babe?” Dean asked.

With a shake of his head Cas began to look around.

“You gonna be sick?”

Cas nodded and Dean put his arm around him and walked him quickly down the hall to the men’s room.

Once in a stall, Cas vomited, rather violently, while Dean rubbed his back.

“Okay, Babe...I’m here...try to relax…”

Cas finally took toilet paper and blew his nose. He turned and Dean backed out of the stall, letting Cas rinse his mouth. Tears fell as Cas desperately tried to blink them away and Dean pulled him in for a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Dean. I don’t feel well and it’s just getting worse. I’m a little scared.”

“Poor, Cas. You’re so brave. I love you so much...so, so much. Do you think you are done for now, can we try to go?”

Cas just shrugged sadly and snuggled into Dean’s neck.

Dean held Cas a minute longer and then grabbed his backpack and walked him towards the baggage claim. He felt Cas deteriorate with every step and the hair on the back of Dean’s neck stood up. Something was wrong and Dean felt a surge of protectiveness. He wanted Cas to be checked out by a doctor but at least laying down as soon as possible.

Benny joined them as he approached with Cas in his arms. His concerned look confirmed Dean’s worries. Dean had asked Benny to come along, knowing Cas had not felt well, but did not expect him to be in this state. 

“I know that look. He’s exhausted and probably dehydrated. Been sick all day?” Benny asked.

“Cas, you remember Benny?” Dean asked.

  
Cas nodded and smiled weakly.

  
“Hey there Cas, morning sickness got the best of you today? I sure am sorry about that.”

Dean spoke to Benny, “Yeah, he just threw up again. He does not even feel right to me Benny. I need to get him in bed.”

  
Benny mouthed the word, doctor.

  
Dean nodded. He could see people giving them sympathetic looks.

“Can you tell me what color the suitcases are, babe?’

Cas stood taller for a minute and said, “A big red one and two black but they both have green ribbon on the handle. Can I sit somewhere? I just need to sit a minute and I think I’ll feel better.”

Dean looked around for a bench to put Cas on while he got the luggage. The world did have good people in it as other passengers offered their help. Soon he had the three huge suitcases. He just needed Benny to bring the car and then he could get Cas somewhere he could lay down. .

*****  
Cas was in trouble and he knew it. He was in and out of focus and he hurt all over, like muscle hurt. He wanted to lay down. He waited for Dean on the bench. He thought he had heard keys being tossed and Benny being told to get the car. If Dean was letting Benny drive, he must be really worried.

Soon Cas was in Dean’s arms again and then sliding into baby’s back seat. He smelled her first...leather and a little of Dean’s cologne...maybe a little hint of oil...it was comforting. He laid back on the seat and closed his eyes. He could hear Dean telling Benny that was all the luggage. Dean climbed in next to him, fastened both their seat belts and pulled Cas into his arms just as baby’s engine turned over. As sick as he felt he could not help but smile at the sound.

“You missed her, too, huh Babe?” Dean asked.

Cas nodded and then slipped into sleep as Dean gently ran his hand over his head and down his back helping him relax.

He woke to the feeling of being lifted and carried. He nearly cried when he felt the softness of a bed underneath him and his shoes being removed.

Dean whispered but Cas could hear. “Should I take him to the hospital or just let him sleep. Benny I am scared. He looks awful but I don’t want to take him if he doesn’t need to go.”

Beny answered. “Didn’t Charlie say her wife was a nurse or something? Why don’t we call her and see what she says.”

Dean stepped away and when he returned he told Cas, “Babe, we have a friend, Charlie, from work and you are not gonna believe our luck. Her wife is not only a nurse, she is the nurse midwife at the base clinic and she is coming to look at you and see how you are doing, okay?”

Cas nodded and then needed to throw up. Dean got a garbage can under him just in time. He closed his eyes after Dean wiped his mouth. He felt the mattress sink next to him and Cas curled into Dean for comfort. He leaned into the soothing soft strokes down his head and back.

“Hang in there, babe. I love you…” Cas heard and he just nodded and let Dean’s touch soothe him.

He heard voices and then someone he did not know was asking to touch him. The voice was almost melodic, calming in a way that he needed. She introduced herself as Gilda, a midwife. She asked questions as she held his wrist and something squeezed his arm. He told her about how far along he was and his week of adventures and the throwing up. She took his temp under his arm, her cool hands up inside his shirt. Then she spoke.

“Cas, you don’t look like you feel very well and I think your busy week has caught up to you. If I am being honest, I think you need to go to the ER. You present as dehydrated and at the very least you need IV fluids to replace what you have lost in vomiting. That vomiting is a vicious cycle, the more you puke the worse you get and the worse you get the more you puke.”

“Is the baby okay?” Cas asked, tears running down the sides of his face.

“I think everything is fine and you just need fluids and a good night’s sleep to start feeling better. You willing to go to the hospital? I’ll come with you, get a doppler and let you hear the heartbeat, how’s that?”

Cas looked to Dean who nodded and seemed to plead at the same time.

“Can Dean come?”  
“Well, let’s see them try to stop me,” Dean said. “Come on, let’s go, babe and get you feeling better.”

Cas agreed and Dean lifted him off the bed and carried him back to the car.

*****

The hospital was busy and loud and bright. It was frightening to be unwell enough that you felt out of control. Cas had had enough and gave in and just clung to Dean. The staff was very kind and professional. He heard Dean explaining their circumstances and the midwife giving medical information. Cas remembered he had medical records from the doctor in Palo Alto in his backpack and Dean got them out with Cas’ wallet and ID card.

Someone came and gave an official diagnosis, but Cas felt so awful, he didn’t even listen.

Dean and Gilda got Cas into a gown and then a nurse was there to start an IV. Cas cried and tensed up, then apologized profusely, ashamed that he could not hold still.

“I’m so sorry...I feel so awful...it’s scary.”

The nurse put her hand on his face and made eye contact with him. “It’s okay, listen to me. I have been in your shoes. Twice. There is nothing worse than when it gets the best of you. Cry all you want and hang on to your husband. Don’t look at the needle, it’s scary looking. That’s it, hang on to Dean and take a few breaths...now here goes, try not to move.”

*****

When Cas woke he was in a room and Dean was sitting next to the bed with his head near Cas’ chest. Cas was curled around him. He felt almost himself again, himself with like a wicked hangover. He stroked his fingers through Dean’s short hair.

Dean stirred. “Hey, Babe...how you feelin’?”

“Lots better,” he choked out, voice hoarse from sleep and being sick.

“You’ve been asleep a while, they kept you overnight. They want to be sure you don’t throw up too much before you go home. I called Sam and Jess and let them know what was going on. They said be careful and get some rest.They feel bad like they wore you out. I told them not to worry.”

A nurse interrupted their conversation and commented that Cas looked much better. She took his vitals and said the doctor would be in shortly.

The doctor came and said that if Cas could eat breakfast and keep it down, he could go home. So when the breakfast tray came, Cas did his best. He ate toast and a few bites of egg. He drank the tea, though he wanted to get peppermint tea as soon as they could get to a store. He ate the fruit and the hot cereal and to everyone’s delight, he did not get sick.

He was discharged by noon with strict orders for a morning and afternoon nap and an appointment with the OB clinic the next day. He was to continue his prenatal vitamins. No strenuous activities until he was cleared by the clinic, but Cas wasn’t quite ready for that yet and Dean looked at Cas like he was breakable anyway.

Cas was dressed to go when Gilda showed up.

“I promised you a heartbeat and here I am. Lay back down really quick. This gel is probably cold, too.”

She had Cas lift his shirt and she ran the doppler through the gel and moved it around a bit. Soon she zoned in on a certain area and then the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh was audible.

Cas grinned from ear to ear and Dean looked at Cas incredulously.

“Is that…”

Cas nodded and Dean covered his mouth, then leaned down and kissed Cas firmly on the lips.

“Cas, you’re amazing. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sweetheart.”

Gilda cleaned Cas’ stomach and then she asked him if he had planned to have a doctor or midwife for his pregnancy and delivery.

“I honestly hadn’t thought about it much, but I think I feel like we met for a reason and I’d like to have you take care of us. I was never really comfortable with the doctor I had in California. I don’t feel that way with you. What do you think, Dean?”

“I think whatever makes you most comfortable is fine by me.”

“Alright then, I know I have an 11:00 opening, so I’ll put you in.”

“Great,” Cas replied. “See you tomorrow.”

A nurse came to walk them out and Dean found the Impala where Benny had left her last night. He drove around and the nurse helped Cas into the front seat.

“Take care now. Hope we don’t see you again until the baby comes.”

Cas waved as they pulled away, then he reached for Dean’s hand, just like he always did when they drove.

*****  
“So this is it, Babe. Home Sweet Home for a week.” Dean explained as they entered their assigned TLF suite. It was an open kitchen, dining and living area with a bathroom off to the right and a bedroom off to the left. It was tiny but modern and clean.

“This is nice. It will be great to have a kitchen. Better than a hotel room for sure. Did you have any plans for today?”

“Yeah, my plans are to get you in bed and then go get some things from the commissary when you give me a list.”

“How about you help me take a shower and then we both take a nap and when we wake up we go to the store together?”

“Alright, but no funny business and the commissary closes at five so it has to be a short nap. If you need to sleep more I can just run out, you know.” Dean insisted.

“We can set an alarm. If I do not feel good, I will stay in bed and you can go. How’s that?”  
“Great, Cas. I love you. I’m so friggin’ glad you’re here. I missed you tons.”

They showered the travel grime, puke and hospital off and crawled into bed. Dean set his watch alarm and they snuggled in just boxers. Dean spooned around Cas with an arm around his waist, hand on his belly. The baby wasn’t quite visible yet, but soon would be.

Cas sighed. “I feel better already. I think the problem was just that I needed you. We belong together, don’t you agree?”

“I really do, Cas...I really do,” Dean said as they both drifted to sleep.


	2. Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean are staying in the temporary living quarters, preparing to move into their first base housing. They are getting the hang of being together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love the domestic things for these boys. Lots of fluff and domesticity. Cas is a crafter, who knew. But they raised Sam and crafting became necessary at times, right?

Cas had made many halloween costumes for Sam over the years, and they had all been successful. However, as he glued each loop of blue feather boa to a knit hat for Thing 1 and Thing 2 hair for he and Dean, he knew he had outdone himself. He had tried the first one on to be sure it worked and he’d be damned if it wasn’t perfect. He had found red, one piece cotton pajamas online and made the white circles for their chests, labelling them as _Thing 1 and Thing 2_ . Cas had made a smaller circle that said _Thing 3_ and had placed it so it would fall at his stomach. He glued the last section of the boa in place and put all of his supplies away.

Charlie and Gilda, and their two year old daughter, Willow,  were hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and he could not wait. He especially could not wait to see Dean dressed in costume. He kept to himself that the backside  of the suit had a flap that opened, that information could be dangerous in Dean’s hands. He chuckled to himself and hung the costumes in the tiny closet of their temporary home.

Dean and a few buddies from work were at the house painting some of the rooms. They had chosen a soft grey for an accent wall in the living room, and for all the walls in both bathrooms. Their kitchen was a bright, buttery yellow and one accent wall in the master bedroom was a deep but bright blue. The whole house had white trim, so the colors really popped.

Cas was _not_ there helping  at Dean’s insistence, he did not want Cas to breathe paint fumes. They were scheduled to move in on the first of November but had been allowed to go in while CE was finishing. They were done with the cleanup and painting, all the rooms were standard white, but were still completing a few repairs. Dean had carried a beet red Cas over the threshold, in front of the working crew, back when they first saw it together.

Inspired by their visit that day, they had hit target and chosen white and blue bedding with a sort of geometric almost tile like pattern. After a little debate they decided to by the bedding in queen size due to the dimensions of the room. A king would have overwhelmed the space. They picked medium grey towels for both bathrooms and a horizontal charcoal and white striped curtain for the master shower stall and a white curtain with a grey mandala design for the main bathroom with the tub. Brushed nickel accessories were perfect with the grey. He laughed when he remembered Dean in the bathroom section. 

“Cas, I don’t really have a preference when it comes to the toothbrush holder and the garbage can, you pick what you like okay? When we get to the dishes, now those I want a say in.”

Cas thought Dean didn’t have an opinion mostly because he was too busy gently patting Cas’s belly which had decided to _barely_ begin to pop out. If you did not know Cas was pregnant you would not yet expect that he was from his appearance. Dean _knew_ Cas’ body and _he_ could tell there was a very tiny bulge starting.

Dean had delighted in getting Cas pregnancy pants, the kind with the stretch panel in the front. He stood proud as a peacock when Cas modeled each pair  even though, as was pointed out to him several times, he could have very easily just accompanied Cas into the dressing room. Cas had balked at first but once he started wearing them, he wondered if his previous tight pants had not been a factor in his nausea. He was also pleasantly surprised at the male section in the pregnancy clothes. He would be back for sure but for now the pair of jeans, khaki pants, and khaki shorts would keep him comfortable.

When they left Target they had gone to the hardware store for paint. Choosing the colors had been fun and they looked forward to putting their own touch on the house.

Taking sandwich ingredients out of the fridge in the tiny kitchenette, Cas made lunch for the two of them. Dean had taken Cas to the commissary as promised after he napped the day he was discharged from the hospital. The prices were definitely lower than a regular grocery store and the items available were fairly comprehensive. Dean did mention that there were lots of farm stands in the area for produce during the late spring and summer.

For now he was happy and picked up his nausea battling basics of peppermint tea, crackers, and chicken noodle soup. They also grabbed breakfast and lunch food, deciding they could eat out for dinner or buy what Cas was in the mood for day by day  and cook. His nausea had begun to subside, it seems it really was worse because of overeating and overly zealous vacation.

He wrapped the sandwiches and put them in the fridge until Dean came home. He grabbed a yogurt and when the door closed he smiled and touched the picture of the tiny baby in his belly. It was  in a clear plastic magnetic frame and there was another one on the end table in the living room in an ornate gold frame. Dean talked to it as much as he talked to Cas’ belly. It was a thing.

The image of Dean’s face when they had gone for the sonogram would be etched in Cas’ memory forever. It was priceless. The heartbeat they had heard in the hospital, but when the sonogram revealed a baby shape on the screen and it _moved_? Dean was speechless...until it sank in and then the poor technician fielded every baby development question ever known to man.

Dean had been wonderful before the sonogram at the appointment with Gilda. She had given Cas a complete physical, including an internal exam and Dean had been very calming while Cas held his hand. Gilda had made some recommendations for eating healthy and getting lots of rest, including at least one nap per day. She gave him a copy of _Male Carriers: A Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy._

“You look so good now, Cas and seem to feel so much better. I am not here to lecture you and  I’m sure you know that you want to watch what you eat and make choices that are the best for you and baby.”

“Oh yes, I know I created part of my own problems that last week and for the trip here. I’m already adjusting my diet and I know I need to rest,” he had reassured her.

She concluded the appointment by confirming his due date around March 18th and assuring them both that Cas was cleared for all activities, including sex and exercise. She even said he could run again if he worked up to it slowly. They left a bit embarrassed, but happy and signed up for her pregnancy class which was not just labor preparation but an actual pregnancy, labor and newborn class all rolled into one. Class was held every two weeks and Dean was excited.  It warmed Cas’ heart to see him so receptive, not that he expected any less.

The door opening startled him.

“Hey, Babe...I’m back.”

“How’s the painting going?” Cas asked as they kissed each other. They kissed, a lot, having not been able to for so long. They had yet to do much else, but Cas intended to remedy that soon.

Dean squeezed Cas and lifted him right off his feet. “Done, all done for you and my sweet baby.”

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean’s neck and kissed him again. “That was quick. I made lunch.”

“I had five helpers and we punched it out quick and neat. And I am starved.”

They ate and Dean took a shower. They had no plans for the afternoon since they thought Dean would be painting all day. Cas undressed quickly and got into bed, _naked_ , and waited for dean to find him.

“Hey Cas, you wanna go shopping for a bed or something since I got done early?”

Cas didn’t answer and covered his mouth to stifle a giggle. It was silly really but he hoped Dean would think it fun.

Dean called out again, “Cas? Did you hear me?”

He didn’t want Dean to worry so he answered. “Yes, I heard you, but it’s my nap time and I already laid down. Maybe after we can go?”

He heard footsteps and Dean peeked his head into the room. “Sure, Babe. want company?

“I thought you’d never ask, Airman Winchester.”

“Just let me get some boxers and-”

Cas interrupted. “Don’t bother.” He could feel himself blush as he said it. They usually just fell into bed together, but being apart for so long made it all feel new again. Honestly Cas though it was kind of fun.

“Are you…” Dean stopped mid sentence as he lifted the sheets. “Cas, you sneaky little shit. You suggesting anything other than sleeping?”

Cas caught Dean off guard and pulled him by his wrist onto the bed. “No, Dean, this is me telling you I can’t go one more minute without you, unless you don’t want-” Cas began to second guess himself.

Before Cas’ could backpedal any any further, Dean was kissing him, _fiercely_. Cas kissed back and their teeth knocked a little so Dean pulled back just a little.

“Sorry, Babe, just a little eager.” Dean said and suddenly Cas saw the weight of it all. Dean’s face read heavy with concern. Dean got like that when he thought he might not be good enough for Cas. It happened. Cas decided to lift that burden from Dean’s shoulders.

“Me too, Dean. Before we go too far, let me just say that this doesn’t have to be perfect or serious, let’s just have some fun, okay?”

Dean’s reaction was immediate. The bad tension left his face and the anticipation tension bled through. He smiled and kissed Cas needy but gentler, less desperate.

“I was kind of trying to find the right time, like after a romantic dinner or something but we’ve been so busy.  Plus I didn’t want to pressure you if you didn’t feel up to it.”

“I know, we were both overthinking it a little. We’ve done this so many times, Dean. Let’s just fuck a little, okay?” Cas felt his face redden again at his frank vocabulary, but he needed to clear the way for them to just relax.

Dean cackled.

“You were always so funny at dirty talk, Cas...still are I guess,”  Dean said as he pushed Cas onto his back and pressed their bodies together.

“You love my dirty talk and you know it,” Cas scolded feeling his face heat up even more, despite the fact that he was lying naked with his husband and this shouldn’t be quite so awkward. Actually, when he thought about it, it was rather endearing that after four months apart they would be somewhat shy with one another.

“God damn, I _do_ love it. I love _you_ , Babe…so much...it was so hard to be apart from you and now...here you are, laid out naked and eager and I can hardly hold it together long enough to make love to you.” Dean’s eyes were shiny by the time he finished.

“It’s alright, at least we both feel the same. Just...honey…” he paused as he looked at Dean and felt how much his husband loved him, eyes glassy and waiting to hear what Cas said next.. He took a second, then continued. “I’m not fragile just because I’m pregnant and this doesn’t have to be an Oscar winning love scene, okay? Just kiss me and we’ll see where it goes.”

“I hear you,” Dean said as he took Cas’ mouth in a deep kiss. Dean propped himself on his elbows on either side of Cas’ head and they kissed for what felt like forever, mouths sliding perfectly, tongues tasting and touching. Dean rolled his hips, sliding their hard cocks together, causing them both to moan to the rhythm.

Cas’ hands wandered from careful tugs of Dean’s hair hair to feel the well developed muscles of his arms and back, to eagerly grab handfuls of his ass as he ground their hips together.

They broke breathy and greedy as Dean began to work his way down Cas’ neck. He rolled to the side and found Cas’ nipples with his fingertips. Cas arched his back and Dean caught on to the idea, placing open mouth kisses, tonguing at them and finally taking each nub into his mouth...sucking.

“Hhhnngh, Deeeean,” he groaned, breathing harshly.

“That’s it, Babe, let me hear you…” Dean whispered as he shifted between nipples. Cas had worried that the physical changes would bother Dean, make him find Cas less attractive. That didn’t seem the case currently, and Cas was relieved.

As if he read Cas’ mind, Dean stopped his attentions and locked eyes with him. “I can hear you over thinking and I’m just gonna tell you that if you think I am not gonna find you sexier and sexier as your body changes for this baby, you are sadly mistaken.”

“Really? You think so…” Cas asked genuinely.

Dean looked Cas up and down. “I loved you when you had your hot running bod, Babe. Loved kissing the hardness of your muscles, the pinkness of your small perfect nipples,  fucking your firm ass, sucking you off and seeing the lines in your hips…”

Cas thought about all the changes in his body  and was sure from the details Dean outlined that he was aware, too. Cas was apprehensive about what Dean would say next.

Dean stopped talking and lined their faces up, kissing Cas deeply, lingering and rubbing the tips of their noses together before speaking again.

“But when I look at you now, see how you are softening a little here and there, how your nipples are a little darker, a little bigger, your belly just barely showing and only because I have kissed every inch of you to see the subtleness of it, how willing you are to let those changes take place so our baby can grow healthy and strong???”

Cas swallowed thickly, fighting tears, feeling so loved and worshipped.

“If that isn’t sexy, then I don’t know what is.”

Cas surged at Dean and rolled him over with deep kisses and rolls of his apparently sexy, newly softened hips.

“God, I want you to fuck me...please open me up and just fuck me.... I want it, I want you...now, hurry, Dean.”

Dean chuckled, but he did hurry and soon Cas was panting and demanding again. “Come on, Dean, I’m more than ready, don’t tease.”

Dean had been generous with the lube and taken the time to open Cas carefully. They would not need a condom, a first for them.

The initial perfect slide of Dean’s cock, drew a moan so deep and low from both of them, it was obscene. They were face to face and Dean rolled and snapped his hips until they were both crying out with each thrust. Dean found Cas’ prostate quickly and his orgasm hit him so fast and hard that Cas saw nothing but white, teetering between pleasure and pain in the best way.

Dean made it about four or five thrusts longer before Cas felt every muscle in Dean’s body lock and the warmth of Dean’s orgasm fill him. It was a feeling he would never forget. The weight of Dean’s body and their tandem breathing was a welcome sensation. It was perfect even though they worried it would not be. Dean’s deep rumbly laugh, ended the moment.

“What?” Cas smiled warmly, still enjoying the afterglow, even though it sounded corny.

“Nothing, I love you…” but he laughed again.

“Come on, Dean you can’t laugh after we have sex and not tell me. I’ll think it’s about me,” he said trying, and failing, to sound worried so that Dean would tell him.

“Ha, don’t give me the pouty face. I was just thinking that you bared your heart and then I followed up with this deep emotional discussion of body image and…” he laughed again. “And then we were all over each other like horny teens and lasted all of three minutes.”

The two of them giggled and then roared about it. Big talk for so little action and all. The laughing subsided and they snuggled for a bit. Cas knew Dean would get a towel in a few.

In the silence of the mid day, cuddles Cas spoke up. “It was only three minutes, but they were three perfect minutes, huh Sweetheart?”

“Yeah, they were, Babe...it was really perfect. We’re really perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone out there? Are you enjoying this? Don't be afraid to let me know if you have questions or there are things you would like to see for these two...


	3. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween and moving in time and the boys celebrate with friends and alone...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a grave calculation error and I am just going to go with it. Technically Cas and Dean should not have reunited until around Thanksgiving but I got my dates mixed up in my head with my own experiences and I am not going to go back and rewrite it all, I hope you can forgive me and go with it...
> 
> I have attached a video that someone posted on youtube in a house in Langley. It is three bedroom instead of two but you get the idea of what Cas and Dean are moving into, so enjoy.

Let it never be said that Dean WInchester was not a team player. He and Cas had always dressed up for Halloween when Sam was still into it, but now, standing at Charlie and Gilda’s front door in red pj’s and blue feather hats, he was questioning his decision. He held Cas’ hand and hoped for the best as he heard someone inside grab the door handle.

“Please let everyone be in costume...Please…” he whispered. 

“Dean, I told you before Gilda said it was a costume party, quit worrying.”

At that very instant the door swung wide and revealed Charlie, dressed as the Mad Hatter. She screamed when she realized who they were. 

“Holy Costume Batman! You guys look great!” She turned to shout over her shoulder. “You guys are not gonna believe this!”

She ushered them in and through the living room  to the back yard. It was still light and the guests were out on the patio visiting and eating.

Benny nearly choked to death on his mummy wrapped hot dog when he saw Dean. He laughed so hard he could not speak.

“Hardy har har, Captain Hook, who are you to laugh?” Dean complained.

“Just that, I am Captain Hook, Thing one! I have a hook and a mustache, you have blue hair.” He got hysterical again but then his whole tune changed when he saw Cas’ Thing 3 belly sign.

“Oh now, come on...that’s dirty fightin’ with the baby belly sign. You’re gonna win the contest! Andrea, come here Darlin’, look at the Winchesters.”

Andrea, dressed as Peter Pan, joined him. “Oh my goodness, you guys are hysterical! How did you make the hair?”

Cas explained and then the girls came to get their mom dressed as Wendy Darling and Tinker Bell. They were adorable and very polite. Cas gave them each a gift from his bag. He had gotten a number of Halloween books from Target on one of their trips. He had signed each one: _Happy Halloween, Love The Winchesters._

Benny encouraged the girls to say thank you and then said to Cas and Dean. “That was really sweet, the girls love books.”

“All Cas’ idea...librarian, it’s in his blood.”

“It was nothing, I see books and think they all need a home with a child,” Cas said dismissing the attention. He knew his cheeks were a bit pink.

There was a family dressed as the Wizard of Oz characters, and another as Goldilocks and the three bears, well two bears, but who was counting.

Gilda, dressed as one of the flowers from the enchanted garden scene of Alice, came leading a toddler. Willow was a tiny adorable Alice in Wonderland, blue dress, white apron and all. Dean and Cas got down to her level and Cas offered her a book. She took it with a squeal and showed it to Charlie when she showed up.

They snacked on graveyard seven layer dip, chocolate cupcakes with orange frosting, a pumpkin shaped cheeseball and rice krispie treats that looked like monsters. There was beer for those who wanted it and witch’s brew punch for those who did not.

Cas and Dean had a ball meeting all the new families and Cas had one book left over so he gave it to Charlie for Willow. Dean looked around at all the people and found Cas chatting with the mother dressed as Glinda the Good Witch.

“He looks like he’s feelin’ a whole lot better in just a few days,” Benny commented, making Dean jump.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were there. Yeah he is, he feels good most days, little rough in the mornings,” Dean answered.

“You’re pretty twitterpated on him, gettin’ lost in your head like that.”

“Titterpated?”

“Bambi reference, someday you’ll get it and you’ll live your life as one long Disney quote. Means your out of your mind over him.”

“Jesus, Benny...you ever love a person so much it hurts?’ Dean still had not taken his eyes off of Cas who was laughing and stooped to pick up a little insistent scarecrow.

“You betcha. She’s right over there with two of the most beautiful gifts a man could ask for.”

Dean tore his eyes from Cas to find Andrea and the girls. “They are wonderful, Benny, they really are.”

“And the whole fucking world knows we’re gone, because you have on a blue feather wig and I am wearing white tights and a purple velvet knickers. Who’d a thought that we’d ever do anything this ridiculous?”

“Benny, I’d do just about anything that man said, no questions asked.”

“I feel you brother, I feel you. Well, time to go trick or treating I think?”

Dean and Cas walked with the families and chatted with the parents who waited at the end of the sidewalk for their kids. It was a nice night, breezy but not cold and they were together, walking arm in arm

“Just think, Dean, next time this year we'll have a little one in a costume.”

Dean pulled Cas around and kissed him warmly, chaste enough to pass with families around.

“I can’t wait, Babe. I’m thinking Star Wars, how bout you?”

“Only if I get to make out with Han Solo,” Cas retorted.

“I think that can be arranged,” Dean laughed out loud.

Trick or treating wrapped up for the little ones and Dean and Cas made their excuses.

“Big moving in day for us tomorrow,” Dean said with an arm around Cas’ waist. The headed for the car and back for the final night in their tiny temporary home.

Cas had one more surprise for Dean. The moving in started a little later than they both intended after Cas showed Dean the secret flap in the red pajamas.

*****

It didn’t take long to pack up their belongings and straighten the small suite they had called home for a week. They left the keys on the table as instructed and took one final look to be sure they had not left anything behind. The ride across the base to their housing area was short and soon they were standing on the small front porch of their first real home.

It was a tan sided two story that was part of a four family unit. They were lucky enough to be on the end and not in the middle. Dean gave Cas the key and surprised him by scooping him up bridal style to cross the threshold.

“Dean!”

“Gee Cas, I didn’t know you could squeal so loud,” Dean teased before putting Cas down in the living room and kissing him thoroughly. “Home sweet home, Babe...you and me and soon this little thing.”

Cas stood with his hands on Dean’s shoulders while Dean rubbed his baby belly, what little there was of it, and thought he was the luckiest person alive. He couldn’t wait to get settled and just start living together and enjoying the hard work they had put into this huge change in their lives. It was exciting and Dean deserved the good coming their way.

“I love the grey wall, Dean. We should put a TV between those windows  and sofa here in this cut out area. If we got a sectional it would sort of cut off the living room from the door and make an entry way.”

Dean turned in a full circle and nodded. I think you are right. I don’t see anywhere else we could put a TV or a sofa for that matter, not so you would be near enough to watch it, anyway.”

They walked through the kitchen area and the laundry before going upstairs to the bedrooms. Cas stood against the deep blue accent wall, spread his arms out wide and declared, “This is where our bed will go and we’ll be together every night!”

Dean got a feral look in his eye and walked over to the windows, only to twist the blinds shut. He turned to Cas before waking to the other blind to shut it as well.

“Don’t move, Babe.”

A shiver ran down Cas’ spine and he smiled, wondering what Dean had in store for him. It was really no surprise when Dean kissed him till his lips felt bruised, fingers gently pinching his nipples, and then dropped to his knees. He palmed Cas’ hard length and then began to shimmy his nonsexy elastic waist pants down.

‘Gonna christen the bedroom, Babe. If there was a bed, it would be a whole different story…” he spoke breathlessly, nosing at Cas through his boxers.

“Jesus, yes…” Cas croaked out with his palms flat against the wall, nothing to grip.

Dean got Cas’ boxers down and wasted no time. He took just the head into his mouth swirling his tongue and then sucking, causing Cas to cry out. He took the hint and slid down the whole length of it and began a slow torturous pace, bobbing his head and adding his hand with just the right pressure.

Cas finally remembered he had hands and placed them on Dean’s head. There was not enough hair to grab, but the feeling of Dean sucking him off and his hands moving with the motion was so hot. He scratched Dean's scalp earning a deep groan and a moment deep in Dean's throat. He whimpered, he could not help it and soon he was moaning and grunting and could care less who heard or didn’t.

Dean was skilled at giving Cas blow jobs and he knew it. That was what made it so hot. Dean knew exactly what Cas liked and gave it to him. Cas’ legs began to shake and Dean, attentive even during sex, leaned up and supported Cas, who was close to coming. Cas felt Dean’s thumb brush his balls and slip behind at the same time he took Cas deeper in his throat.

“Dean...Dean...shit Dean...oh god, that’s it, deeper, there, don’t stop...Dean….DEEEAN!”

Cas came with a tremendous shout and Dean took care of it all. He stroked him through it and then fixed his clothing before standing and kissing Cas and pulling him into his arms. Dean, held and rocked him, snuggling into his neck, the sweetness of it in contrast to the hot sexiness that preceded it caught Cas off guard.

“Dean? Sweetheart, are you okay.”

Dean lifted his head, connecting their eyes. “Yep, ‘m fine. I’m just with you and we’re finally home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now they need furniture! Let the shopping begin...oh yeah, they have a budget...what ever will they do to get what they need???


	4. Making Their House Their Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas settle in and get some things they need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, hopefully not a book report...I am so busy getting my classroom ready right now, but I felt like I had abandoned you and i have been so preoccupied with Dean adn Cas' furniture choices that I had to get it out of my head. I promise more soon, and with more fun going on, lol...
> 
> Also, really shitty editing...sorry

“Alright, Babe. We have our list of items, our list of addresses and as much cash as the ATM would let us take out. Let’s go shopping,” Dean declared like a wrestling announcer.

Cas rolled his eyes and kissed Dean. “Get your dramatic self in the car.”

It had been only a few minutes since their bedroom escapades, but their house was empty. They did not even have a chair to sit in.

Dean turned to Cas and offered him a warm smile before they pulled out of the garage. They were headed for several garage sales on base, a few antique stores and also a discount furniture store. They were on a mission to furnish their house to make it their home.

Dean remembered all the times he and Cas had combed through thrift stores to keep Sam in clothes when it seemed like he was growing every week. They had learned how to make their money go as far as it could and sometimes it wasn’t far enough.

The feeling that came with being short of money still managed to crawl up the back of Dean’s neck every once in awhile. He could tamp it down now though, now that he was making steady money and had fewer bills related to housing. Cas could earn a good salary as a librarian but he was not working yet and they weren’t sure they wanted him to work now that they were starting a family. Dean felt like _he_ could provide for them now, but they were starting with a completely  empty house.

One thing that came easily to both of them was finding a bargain and that made the years of stretching their budget a worthwhile experience. They both hoped it would pay off today and especially Charlie’s advice to go to the garage sales in the officer's housing as opposed to the enlisted.

Dean recalled their conversation last night at the Halloween party.

_“There’s a group of ladies who have a charity garage sale the first weekend in November every year, on the Iron Chef level if you know what I mean.  They are officer’s wives, they sell big ticket items and donate the proceeds to their favorite cause. Mostly they just want bragging rights. These are people who redecorate every year before the holidays via antique shops and high end furniture stores, not IKEA,” she had laughed. “We know, one of them is married to the head of the hospital. I will give you a list of people involved. You should give them a try before you go downtown. You could get some steals.”_

Charlie had never been so right. The first house got them a bed frame and headboard, antique but painted cream colored. Cas had been chatting with the woman running the sale and mentioned being a librarian. One thing led to another and she found out he was pregnant and she brought them both into the garage.

“Now I don’t know how you two feel about things like this, used mattresses are usually a no go in my family,” her Texas twang matched her impeccable appearance and manners. “However, we had that particular bed in a rarely used guest room and I have the mattress and boxspring upstairs. I think it was used maybe a total of three times in the past two years since I bought it. I swear on my grandfather’s brisket it is clean as a whistle. Ya’ll seem like nice people and if you’ve got two hundred dollars, I’ll sell you the whole kit and caboodle.”

“Well, if it’s pretty new, but your sign said 250 just for the headboard?” Dean sputtered.

“Never you mind about that. Now what else do ya’ll need? I’ll make a few calls.”

She had her teenage sons move the bed to the garage with a HOLD FOR WINCHESTER sign and  came back to collect her money.

“I called Marjorie down the street, she’s got a dining room table and chairs, and a hutch. They are not actually a set, but they are both medium cherry stain. She had them refinished to match. I told her to hold them for a minute. Also, Laurel, now she’s from the same part of the great state of Texas as me, she’s got a coffee table and end tables plus a book case and she’ll give you first dibs. They know you’re coming. Oh I almost forgot Ashley. That would be a tragedy. She has two end tables that would work for a bedroom and a buffet that would work in the living room if you did not have space in the dining room.  Ya’ll have fun now, and Cas, don’t be a stranger at the library.”

They thanked her and headed on down to the next sale.

“Kitty? Her name is Kitty?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Don’t question it. Apparently Kitty is a powerhouse with her friends,” Cas laughed.

*****

It wasn’t even three in the afternoon before Kitty’s huge sons had borrowed a pickup and helped Dean move all the furniture into the house. They even stayed to help move it to where Dean and Cas wanted it.

“Mama said you aren’t to lift a finger, Mr. Winchester,” they said politely to Cas.

“Well, I appreciate her concern. She is a nice person to help us like this. I don’t even have anything to offer you to drink,” Cas apologized.

They pulled away in the pickup and Cas laughed and then teared up and cried. He did that sometimes when he was tired. Dean hugged him asking, "Tired, Babe?"

Cas nodded.

“People are nice, huh?”

Cas took a deep breath and tried to steady his emotions. “They are. Look at all this stuff and we only spent what it would have cost us that just for a mattress and box spring. We made out like bandits, sweetheart!”

“We did, Babe, we did. Now, let’s go up and make the bed. You need a nap and I’ll go to the commissary while you sleep. We have paper plates and bowls. I’ll grab a little bit of stuff to tide us over until we can get settled in for cooking. How’s that sound?” Dean asked, rubbing his hands up and down, Cas’ back.

“Really good. I tire out so easily lately,” Cas answered. Dean just answered him with a warm kiss.

“It’ll get better, it says so in the book. For now you just tell me when you are tired and you sleep, okay?”

Cas nodded, feeling loved and pampered by his sweet Dean.

They started with the mattress cover and soon Cas was between the soft jersey sheets and covered with the blue and white quilt. It looked beautiful with the accent wall and the head board. The two end tables were cream colored like the headboard but slightly different style, but looked great.

Dean kissed Cas and headed off to the commissary to fill the fridge.

*****

Cas woke and it was getting dark. He headed downstairs to find Dean at the new dining room table. Dean pulled him into his lap and kissed him. It was nice to wake in the same house as his husband.

Dean showed Cas what he was working on. It was a list of what else they needed to get.

“Why didn’t you wake me, Dean. We were supposed to go to more stores,” Cas asked feeling like he prevented them from finishing their list of things to do.

“I couldn’t...you looked so beautiful and you and the baby needed to sleep. We can go to these stores tomorrow, no don’t look so worried. I’ve got a frozen pizza in the oven. Not the first meal I intended to make, but I forgot we don’t have pots and pans yet. I can’t even fry an egg,” Dean laughed.

“It’s fine, Dean. We have a home, it will taste wonderful. And tomorrow we can get the rest. We have so much money left from what we planned to spend that I think we can even get the washer and dryer. Kitty and her friends were very generous,” Cas said, resting his cheek on top of Dean’s head.

Dean chuffed. “I’m beginning to wonder if Gilda and Charlie set us up, we did not pay the asking price for any of the stuff we bought and honestly some of that should have sold sooner.”

“I like them more and more, and Willow is darling,” Cas commented.

“Same here,” Dean added and then with a quick kiss, he pushed Cas to his feet and pulled the pizza from the oven.

*****

By Thursday of their second week together in Virginia, Cas and Dean were snuggled on their new grey sofa watching football. Dean had made chicken on their new grill and little foil packets of potatoes and onions, and Cas had made a salad. It was a celebratory meal. Their house was fairly well furnished, barring a few things to hang on the walls, but those were coming.

Dean had not realized that the Air Force would pay for the shipment of household goods from Gabe’s in Kansas. He thought they had to be with Cas, but Benny had directed him to the right office and sure enough their meager few boxes were on their way. It was holiday decorations and the things that used to hang on the walls of their old apartment, mostly photos. It was nice not to have to wait until they had the extra money or depend on someone else to send them.

The couch they had chosen from the discount furniture store was super comfy fabric, grey, and fit right in the little crook under the stairs across from the wall with the TV.. To the left they had placed the matching chair. An oval black lacquered coffee table and round end tables that they had gotten from the garage sales looked nice in the room. Dean had been concerned about black furniture looking dark and morbid, but they could not pass up the price. There was also the added bonus of no corners to bump when the baby could walk.

At Target, they had filled two carts. It was the most they had ever purchased at once including Christmas for Sam. That did not even include the decent black lacquered TV stand with a glass framed front they had chosen.. They had purchased grey wicker baskets that fit in the shelves on the inside. They would keep the clutter neat when their xbox and games arrived from Gabe’s. Dean also fell in love with an enormous grey bean bag chair and Cas couldn't argue with the love of his life. 

They had enjoyed shopping together, mindful of a budget but not struggling to get what they needed for the first time. They bantered back and forth, pretending to argue over simple lamps for the end tables in the living room and the bedroom. They shared kisses and held hands and giggled in front of the enormous wall of kitchen towels and utensils. They chose plain white dishes, sturdy glassware, simple stainless silverware, and two nice sheet pans for the oven.

“White dishes make the food look better, babe,” Dean had said so seriously as he chose.

Cas picked up a second box of the dishes. “We need two sets if we are going to have people over for dinner.”

Dean took the box from him and kissed Cas until he blushed from his head to his toes. Cas knew Dean loved to entertain. It made them both happy that they would have a nice place to do that here in Virginia.

Dean had used his graduation from basic gift cards to buy a nice set on cuisinart pots and pans on amazon, plus a really nice three piece set of Food Network nonstick frying pans. They figured they would pick up bakeware as they needed it.  

They had picked up a lecreuset utensil holder at one of the garage sales along with a set of colorful mixing bowls. Cas thought it would be fun to hit more yard sales through the rest of the fall looking for bits and bobs that would be needed over time. No need to buy everything new.

Their final purchase had been a washer and dryer set from the base exchange, the most expensive purchase they made. They got the simple old fashioned machines. They had heard some negative things about the new fangled sets, but couldn’t afford them anyway. They had also bought the grill and their large screen TV.  Big ticket items had definitely been cheaper on base.

Dean nudging Cas up brought him back to the present and he smiled as they carried the dishes to the soft yellow kitchen. Cas found himself pressed him to the counter and being kissed.

Dean went back to work in a few days. Cas wondered what it would feel like, what he would do all day. Looking around, Cas knew one thing was certain. Dean would come home to him every night. They would be together. He and Dean would be _home_.

 

               

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More to come...little snippets of their life together...nursery...Cas needs things to do...Cas neeeeeds Dean, you know the deal...


	5. The Good, the Bad, and the Righteous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things in life just go smoothly, until they don't. Cas and Dean hit a little bump and an ally helps Cas set them back on the straight and narrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the shittiest cold from all the little mongrels at school...so in turn shitty editing...sorry.
> 
> I do not want anyone to read this and think that I find the role of the childbearing member of any relationship to be the one to keep house. I am a teacher and I had a stay at home husband who enjoyed keeping the house together. It is simply that their circumstances have changed and adjustments need to be made. Also, I am not trying to feminize Cas with some of the things I am having him do in the chapter. I think Cas wanting to be a children's librarian has established that h is nurturing in this case and he might just want to act on that. That is all...

Cas and Dean were happy to be together and enjoying their new life in the Air Force. Unfortunately, just like any couple, there were good times, and well, less than good times. They had begun their natural childbirth classes and had stacks of books on the coffee table about natural birthing methods and newborn care. They were so excited about the whole process and had learned so much from Gilda in just the two classes they had attended.  

Of course they both felt whole now that they were together, but they had their struggles. Mostly Cas had struggles, and he knew Dean felt awful about it.

Once he graduated with his degree in library science, Cas had always worked. Dean had always worked as well, and they split the household routines. Their new life was a shift in the dynamic of their relationship.

Initially, when Dean started work and Cas spent his days walking for exercise, cleaning the house and keeping up with the laundry, things had gone well. He did not feel obligated to keep the house, but he was home and not working at a stressful job like Dean, so it just felt like the thing to do. He also walked to the library or went on errands with Andrea while the girls were at school.

Dean and Cas spent their evenings wrapped in each other’s arms and breathless. Cas’ belly had officially begun to show the baby he was carrying. He was excited and proud, but Dean...Dean was over the moon about it. There was never a prouder father to be and Cas felt lucky and worshipped every time Dean so much as glanced at him.

Though Cas felt like he helped when he kept the house clean, and even though Dean was ecstatic about the baby, there was a problem. It was in the kitchen.

As long as Cas and Dean had been together, Dean had always handled the kitchen. He had been the cook and Cas had always helped. However, Dean’s knack for all things epicurean never rubbed off on him.

Castiel Winchester felt like a failure. Dean came home every night after working all day only to have to make dinner for the two of them. Cas could make simple things like salad and sandwiches, maybe heat up soup, but he could not cook. He wanted to, but he was a terrible cook...and he felt guilty about it.

Dean was still in training at work and he often told Cas it felt more rigorous and stressful than basic or tech school because now there were people flying the jets he was maintaining. So Cas tried to pick up the slack and have dinner on the table.

He made lots of salads and sandwiches. He varied the ingredients and looked online for ways to make both more exciting, but despite his efforts, he honestly could not even make a decent grilled cheese.

At first, Dean had been excited and Cas could see the relief on his face. He gratefully sat down to what Cas had prepared and chowed down. Eventually, though Cas read a completely different expression when faced with meal made by Cas. One Dean tried desperately to hide, but could not.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I-”

“Cas, Babe...don’t. It’s fine. I get that you’re trying. I’m grateful. It looks good.”

They ate quietly and Cas knew Dean was just being a good husband as he choked down another spinach and strawberry salad. That night in bed Cas knew he had to do something about it.

He started with his next trip to the library.  He combed through the cookbook section and two hours later, left with enough resources to make himself into a Master Chef that even Gordon Ramsay would be proud to have in the kitchen.

Watching Dean saw his way through dry, burned chicken, with a steak knife no less, was not his intention. Pasty mashed potatoes just added to the misery. The only edible item on the plate were the green beans, but he’d only had to microwave those in the bag they were sold in. Even Cas couldn’t mess up the beans.

Many questionable meals into November, and nearing Thanksgiving, Dean held Cas in bed and Cas could sense something was wrong. He had made small improvements, but none of his meals had turned out like he wanted. They ate lots of popcorn while watching TV at night.

“What’s the matter Dean? I can tell you want to say something but you are holding back,” Cas asked apprehensively.

Dean kissed Cas firmly, held him tightly and then moved his lips to Cas’ ear to whisper.

“I don’t think you should cook anymore dinners.”

Surprised but not really, Cas pulled back and looked at Dean sadly. “Okay, I’m sorry Dean...I won’t.”

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate the effort-” Cas could practically hear Dean backpedalling

“No, I get it. It’s fine. I’m terrible at it and you don’t want to work all day and come home to something inedible.”

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. Shit, Cas. I can tell I just stomped on your feelings and I didn’t mean to. You know I love you and I just mean that it’s stressful for you, and it’s expensive and-”

Cas had been a bit sensitive at this point in the pregnancy. He teared up at cute commercials and sometimes when he read the childbirth books. He was not shocked that he felt hurt by Dean’s request, and he understood until Dean said it was expensive. He went from sad to insulted in about five seconds.

Cas huffed his way out of Dean’s hug and turned over. “Well, I am sorry I wasted so much of my time and _your_ money trying to be a better husband. You’ll have to forgive me for wanting to give you a nice meal after a long hard day at work. But don’t you worry...I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Cas…” Dean breathed out, laying a hand on his shoulder. He could feel the regret in Dean’s touch, but he was hurt.

“Goodnight Dean, I am tired and going to sleep.”

No one slept that night and Cas got up with a renewed sense of desire to beat the seemingly unconquerable kitchen. Dean went sheepishly off to work with a begrudgingly tolerated kiss to Cas’ cheek and a rub of his belly. Cas may be upset, but he was not cruel.  

He walked his morning route past the library just outside the housing area. He half jogged some of it. Cas was nearly ready to run/walk and then move to running again. He was working with Gilda on it and doing well.

Today’s trip was the jackpot. He ran into Kitty from the garage sale and told her his tale of woe in the kitchen.

“You know Castiel,” she always called him by his full name. “There is a place on base called the Hobby Shop. People with various skill sets sign up to teach classes. It’s a community center.”

“That actually sounds really nice. I kind of want to learn to make something, one thing even, for the baby,” Cas said, his mind whirring away at the possibilities.

“You remember Ashley? She does a beginner cooking class. You should go down and look into it. It’s actually the big building down on the end of the BX. I was about to head out, I would be happy to give you a ride.”

“No, no, but thank you. I wouldn’t want to be a bother,” Cas said out of politeness, but he honestly wanted nothing more than to accept.

“Castiel, let’s get one thing straight. We love our soldiers, with all our heart and they love us, but if occasionally  we get the upper hand, then the universe aligns. Put those cookbooks back and let me help you get some of your pride back. Learn to cook and then enjoy him eating his crow, it makes life interesting.”

Cas didn’t want her to think he and Dean fought all the time, but he was hurt and he would like to know how to cook. If he could see the look on Dean’s face when he made something tasty, well that was just icing on the cake.

*****

Thanksgiving came and went and though none of their family came, Dean and Cas had a wonderful holiday with their new friends. Cas and Dean hosted and Benny, Dean and Gilda did most of the cooking. Cas, Andrea and Charlie handled the table.

Dean roasted a turkey and Benny fried one cajun style. They made extra of all the side dishes so everyone could have leftovers. Dean and Benny had to work on Friday so the holiday was short, but really enjoyable. 

November quickly bled into December and Cas was almost six months pregnant. 

Dean came home from a truly hard day at work. He was beat and they had spent the day on a jet with a serious issue. Benny and he had finally found the problem but they were far from done. Tomorrow it would start all over again. He grabbed the handle of the door and hoped Cas wouldn’t mind ordering pizza or maybe he had some sandwiches he could throw together. Dean was in no mood to cook.

When he opened the door, he smelled something...something delicious. Maybe Cas had ordered out already. Dean was relieved. Their spat over the cooking was long past, but Dean still felt bad and would never forget the hurt in Cas’ eyes. He never wanted to put that look on Cas’ face again.

“Hey Babe, something smells good. I’m starvin’,” Dean called out cheerfully, trying to mask his rough day.

“Hello Dean,” Cas said, voice low and baby belly slightly stretching one of his new pregnancy tshirts. He was wearing one of Dean’s flannels over it and well, Dean like Cas in his clothes.

Cas kissed him warmly and Dean raised an eyebrow. “You smell like engine grease and fuel, go shower and come down. I have dinner for you tonight.”

Dean showered quickly and came back down in jeans, a tshirt and flannel, himself. He headed to the kitchen but Cas cut him off and took him to the dining room.

The table was set with one of their yellow cloths and their white dishes. There was a cold open beer at one seat and flavored seltzer at the other. There were small bowls of chopped and shredded things and Dean recognized the smell when he saw them. Chili.

“Sit, Dean. It’s ready. I’ll be right in. Help yourself to corn bread. It’s jalapeno cheddar,”Cas called over his shoulder.

Dean sat and took along swig of beer and a big bite of cornbread. It was heavenly, a light texture with a creaminess from the cheese that balanced the bite of jalapeno. He was puzzled by the whole table setting just for take out. They usually just ate in front of the TV those nights.

Cas came into the dining room with two steaming bowls of food and set one down in front of Dean. “Chili, texas spices but I put beans in it. I hope you like it.”

“You made this? And the cornbread?”

“I did,” Cas answered and held back as much of the smug as he could. They both dressed their chili with the toppings.

Dean blew on a bite of the chili before putting a large spoonful in his mouth.He could not help the sound he made and he glanced up at Cas, who looked pleased with a tinge of pink in his cheeks.

“Cas, this is fantastic and the cornbread is to die for. You been on youtube again?”

“Nope,” he answered taking a cooled off bite himself. “I’m taking cooking classes at the hobby shop.”

Dean watched as Cas looked up at him, cautiously. He had done that to his beautiful husband...planted that seed of doubt. He would never forgive himself for it...ever.

"Do you mind?” Dean cringed when Cas asked the question. 

“Cas, sweetheart...I’m sorry I ever told you not to cook. I can’t tell you that enough. It wouldn’t matter one bit if I minded. You can do anything you want. If you want to learn to cook then, I’ll be your guinea pig...especially if it tastes like this.”

Cas smiled and brushed Dean’s cheek with his hand. “I just want to help. I want to support what you do, Honey.”

“Jesus, Cas..every time I look at you it helps. Working all day and knowing we get to go to bed together every night, helps. I want _you_ to be happy. I don’t want you to do anything for me if you don’t enjoy it, okay?”

“I know, Dean. I’ve always worked and I sometimes don’t know what to do all day, but I’ve been working on some things and it feels better now.”

Cas figured he’d save his sewing and crochet classes for a surprise another time. He never thought of himself as a crafter, other than things for Sam, but he was making a few things for the baby and he enjoyed it. He was almost running now, too. He felt like he was making friends and helping at home as well. He felt in balance again, and it felt good.

They continued their meal and the mood was light again, tension from mealtime vanishing with the spat long forgotten but now duly rectified.

“So, do you enjoy the cooking class?” Dean asked genuinely. He smiled as Cas told his tales of burning his first few attempts. He believed Cas when he said he was happy. He looked more relaxed than he had in awhile.

  
Later that night, after doing the dishes, Dean peeled each layer of clothing off of his husband the chef and thanked him profusely for the lovely dinner.

Dean crawled out of bed, careful not to disturb Cas and fired up the laptop. He searched amazon for the perfect apron to put away for Christmas. It read: _All This and I Can Cook!_

 

__

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone? Hope you are still with me...let me hear from you!


	6. The Incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas has a lot going on. He has his classes and his volunteering, and his running.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are notes at the end for anyone who wants to read for trigger warnings.

Cas was running. He was officially six months pregnant and running several miles a day. He had worked long and hard to get back to this level of exercise, and it was worth it. Cas felt free when he ran and he felt at ease in his own skin, like everything was right. Gilda had promised that if he worked slowly at it, easing back in, there would only be benefits and so far she was right.

Cas floated along through his normal course on auto pilot, just like he used to before he got so sick with the pregnancy. Setting the course meant he could run freely and not think about where he had to go. It freed his mind to think about other things and he made the best mental lists while he ran. He was going to alter the end of his route a bit today, to stop by the commissary for ground beef for dinner.

Cas was making meatloaf and garlic mashed potatoes with green beans almondine. He had made the meatloaf before, but the beans were a new dish he had learned from Ashley at his cooking class. He went to cooking class on Tuesday and Thursday morning and he went to a crochet class on Monday and Wednesday. On Friday’s he was the guest reader at the toddler circle time at the library. With those activities combined with his running, he felt like he was back on track and becoming part of the community.

Dean was busy at work and studying at night. He was nearly done with the training portion of the new assignment which meant that he would be working on his own and not always paired with a supervisor. He was stressed and he was so appreciative to not have to come home and do laundry or make dinner. He helped on the weekends with yard work and they often cooked together or grilled. Of course, Cas helped Dean with more than just good food.

Evenings were Dean and Cas sitting in the living room keeping their hands to themselves as long as possible. Dean would study and Cas worked on his crochet projects or looked up recipes he wanted to try in class. He also searched pinterest for nursery ideas. They were gearing up to crack that nut soon.

Eventually one of them would break and they would grope each other all the way upstairs, shedding their clothes along the way until they were in bed hoping they were not disturbing the neighbors. Thank God they had gotten an end unit with their bedroom on the outside wall. Last night Cas had ridden Dean for some time, needing to work out every molecule of stress so his sweet, hardworking husband could sleep. Dean had gripped his hips, his hands like iron vices and thrusted up into him until they both came and collapsed into one another, chests heaving for breath. Cas felt himself blush at the memory, despite the fact that no one knew his thoughts.

It was mid December, but Virginia’s weather was so much milder than Kansas that Cas could still run in shorts. In fact he needed to because he was so much warmer when he was pregnant.  Today he had on running shorts and a long sleeve pregnancy under armor shirt. It kept him dry and yet did not overheat him. He had purchased really good running sneakers and wore his iPod strapped to his arm. He listened to music when he ran and despite the fact that most people thought iPods old technology, he loved his. Plus, it took data to listen to music on his phone and it was far to heavy to carry when he ran.

Cas was heading down the road that should lead him to the commissary when he realized he must have missed a turn. He was on a road he did not recognize, but he did not worry, most of the base roads just looped back on each other and he was sure he would see something familiar soon. It was rather deserted and it seemed a bit off but other than turning around there was nothing he could do. He felt good, had lots of battery and decided to run out the adventure.

Cas ran with his music pretty loud but could usually hear a car as it came up behind him. He heard a pretty big engine and he moved into the gravel on the side of the road for a few strides to let is pass safely. It didn’t.

He was about to turn and look when the first blow hit him between the shoulderblades, causing him to fall on his hands and knees into the gravel. He cried out in fear and at the contact of his flesh to the sharp gravel.

When the hand returned to his back he reached to pull out his earbuds. He thought he was being assaulted and his first thought went to the baby. It was like suddenly everything was slow motion. His hearing restored, he heard loud shouting.

“ON THE GROUND, NOW! ARMS OUT TO THE SIDE, LEGS SPREAD!”

Cas went into scared but protective parent mode. He shouted as loud as he could. “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant, I”m pregnant.”

The shouting stopped and still on his hands and knees he heard muffled discussions and growling,  and saw boots and the feet of dog. His mind worked quickly.This must be security police, but he had no idea what he had done to be forced to the ground.

Two people from behind him, grabbed him by his arms and hoisted him up. Cas visible startled. One shouted, “On your feet!”

The soldier in front of him asked, ”I need your name, now! Do you know where you are? What are you doing out here?”

Cas looked around he did not recognize where he was. He smoothed his hands over his belly, shaking before he realised he was bleeding and wiping in on his shirt.

“My name is Castiel Winchester. I’m on Langley, I was running. I think I took a wrong turn.” He tried to stay stoic. He was terrified and wanted to cry. He wanted Dean.

“Jesus, get the fucking EMT’s out here. He’s bleeding and he’s not lying. He’s pregnant,” the soldier with the dog groaned. “You are on Perimeter Road. There is no walking or running out here. It’s a drive only area, it’s secure and off limits. We’ve been shouting at you for like 5 minutes. I blew the fucking horn and you did not respond.”

Cas’ chin quivered and he bit his lip before he spoke. “I’m sorry. I was listening to music.”

“Clearly! You’ve got too much hair to be in, you a civilian contractor?”

“No Sir, I’m a spouse, I just moved here in October. I had no idea this road was off limits. Listen I am really sorry,” Cas said, moving to grab his ear buds.”

The soldier got tense. “Hey now, keep your hands still. You passed three fucking signs reading do not trespass. Walk over to the end of the truck and put your hands on the hood. Spread your legs and don’t move.”

Cas did exactly that while he was frisked for whatever they were looking for. He was humiliated and still fearful. He was still huffing for breath from stopping his run in such a jarring manner.

“He’s clean,” the soldier announced. “I need to see your ID, though I don’t know where you’d have it. What’s your spouse’s squadron and social?”

Cas gave the information. “Can I get you my ID?’

The soldier nodded and Cas realized he was surrounded by several men with some sort of automatic weapons strapped to their chests. This was big trouble. It got worse when he realized he did not have his ID. _Shit!_

“I must have left my ID at home. I usually keep it-”

“Sir, I don’t give a shit where you normally keep anything. I need to know who you are and why you were on foot in an area that holds nuclear weapons. So as soon as the EMT’s clear you, we are going to the station to straighten this out.”

Cas stood in silence, shaking as he felt the warm blood drip from his palms and knees. He must have fallen harder than he initially thought in the gravel. The soldier with the dog stood vigilant. The dog still zoned in on him and occasionally growled. One of the soldiers with a gun came forward and tore open a package. Cas jumped when he moved towards him.

“You got some gravel in your knees, just gonna brush it off and put this gauze on there. Your heart must still be pounding pretty good.”

“It is. I’m nervous. I’m sorry for all the trouble.” The soldier gave Cas two more squares for his hands and Cas winced as they were applied.

“How far along are you?”

“Six months, I’m due in the middle of March.”

“Feel okay? You’re shaking.  I mean he knocked you over pretty good before we knew.”

“I think so, honestly, I’m just scared, can I go home or see my husband soon?”

The soldier motioned over his shoulder, “They’re contacting his squadron now, but no ID means you have to go to the station. We don’t know who you are or if you are lying, so by the book for now.”

The EMT’s arrived and cleaned and bandaged Cas’ wounds. They also took his blood pressure and asked a lot of questions about how he felt. Cleared by medical, the soldier with the dog told him to turn around and face the truck again. Things went from bad to worse as Cas found himself cuffed and placed in the back seat of the SUV. The bars only increased his level of discomfort as did the pressure of his hands behind his back during the ride. The dog and his soldier climbed in the front and the rest of the soldiers piled in the back end.

Once at the station, Cas was frisked again, more thoroughly and the cuffs were removed as he was placed in a holding cell. This was the worst day of his life and he fought hard against tears. He was pregnant and in jail, he was sure crying would not help. He didn’t know if there would be actual charges or not. It was awful.

*****

Dean was elbows deep in the landing gear of a jet when Sgt. Henriksen called out for him.

“Winchester, my office.”

“Yes, Sgt. Henriksen,” Dean said as he reported.

“Sit down, Dean.” Henriksen never called them by their first name. It only got worse as Henriksen began to talk.

“Cas was found running on Perimeter Road. They took him to Security Police. He had no ID on him. .They need you to go get his ID and bring it down to them. You okay to drive?”

“Jesus, is he okay?” he asked as a thousand things ran through his mind. Was he hurt, upset? Was the baby okay? Why would Cas run on perimeter road? Dean had helped him with his course and it was not near perimeter road. He needed to get to Cas.

He drove baby as quickly as he dared to the house and then to the Security Police building. He pulled his hat off as he entered and spoke to the airman at the front desk.

“My husband, Cas Winchester, was brought here. Can I see him please?”

“Have a seat. We’ll call you.”

Dean waited, knee bouncing until he was called. “Winchester”

He was taken behind the front counter into an open area where it looked like people were processed and over to a counter to speak to another Airman.

“I need your husband’s ID and then the sergeant who brought him in wants to talk to you.”

He stood there for several minutes before turning around to see Cas. He was sitting with his back to Dean and his head bowed in defeat. He was in a cell with clear glass walls, alone.

“That’s my husband, can I go see him.”

“Nope. He is not cleared and until he is, he is in custody.”

“Why was he arrested?”

“Did I say arrested? I said in custody. The sergeant will explain. Have a seat and do not approach the cell.”

Dean sat impatiently until he was approached. “Airman Winchester?”

Dean stood and nodded.

“I’m Sgt. Walker. Mr. Winchester was found running on Perimeter Road and did not respond when directed to stop. He was knocked to the ground and-”  
  
“He’s pregnant!” Dean shouted. “Is he hurt, is the baby okay?”

“He indicated that to us and the EMT’s were called to check him out. He was detained and  brought here because he had no ID. He has not been arrested and now that we know who he is and that he didn’t lie to us we will release him. I suggest you educate your husband as to where he can and cannot run on Langley, and to carry his ID at all times, Airman.”

Dean wanted to punch the arrogant ass in the face for the way he spoke about Cas. He had better hope to God Cas wasn’t hurt from being knocked around by this asshole. Dean knew though, that he needed to keep his cool, so he bit his tongue.

“I’m sure it was a misunderstanding, Sergeant. You won’t find Cas out there again. Is he able to be released?”

“There’s paperwork, someone will be with you shortly.”

Dean waited again, watching painfully as Cas held his head in his hands and seemed to sometimes rub his belly.

A young looking SP came out with paperwork and had Dean read it over to check for errors on name and address. Cas was his  dependant in the eyes of the Air Force, so Dean had to sign for him to be released.

“You didn’t hear this from me, but he’s okay. He was pretty upset but held his own. He said he was running to the commissary and took a wrong turn. I believed him and wanted to take him home, but Walker is kind of an ass and insisted he be processed. I mean it was clear from his demeanor he was innocent. Don’t get me wrong, he was out of bounds being on Perimeter Road, and he had no ID. Those are a dangerous combination, but he’s no criminal. Walker doesn’t like different is all. Your husband doesn’t fit in Walker’s idea of normal, so he went by the book.”

“Thanks for your help. I’ll talk to Cas about his ID and to be careful,” Dean said offering his hand.

They shook and the airman answered, “Name’s Samandriel. I’ll go get your husband now. Wait here, you can’t go near the cells.”

Cas turned when he heard the solid door open and through the glass he saw Dean. He put his hand out on the glass and then pulled it back to his chest. He exited the door and walked towards Dean, who stayed where he was like he was instructed. He didn’t want to take the chance on making this any worse for Cas than it already was.

Dean saw bandages on Cas’ hands and knees and his heart fell. He must have hit the ground hard if he was that hurt. He took the last two steps with Cas and pulled him into his arms. Cas melted into Dean’s hold. He shook like a leaf but held it together, and Dean could see that it was a struggle. There was no way his husband was going to cry in front of these people.

“You alright, Cas?” Dean asked softly.

  
Cas nodded. He picked up his head and thanked the Airman who had been doing the paperwork. “I appreciate your kindness. Thank you for helping me.”

The airman, Samandriel, nodded and whispered. “Well we have to stick together when there are so few of us on base. I hope you don’t let this bother you. I know it was scary. Don’t run on that road again. Here’s a map, I marked off limit roads for you.”

Cas took the map and nodded knowingly at what he and Samandriel shared. He took one more hug from Dean before they would be out in public and not allowed to touch.

“Let’s go, Dean. Take me home?”

“Sure thing, Babe.”

 

******

Cas made it to the car before he lost it. Sobs wracked his body and Dean held him tightly doing his best to comfort him. When Cas had calmed down to regular crying and shaking, he asked to go see Gilda.

“I want to be sure the baby is okay. I was so scared, Dean. I had no idea I was on the wrong road. I was distracted in my thoughts and took a wrong turn. I thought the road would loop around at some point and  I would be at the commissary. Next thing I knew I was on the ground in the gravel, but I just kept shouting that I was pregnant so they wouldn’t hurt the baby.

“Fucking hell, Cas. I’m so sorry,” Dean said, rubbing his back and kissing his temple.

“Thank you, but it’s all my own fault. I didn’t pay attention and I could have gotten the baby hurt. I am so stupid sometimes,” Cas sobbed again.

Dean started the Car but held Cas’ hand and drove them to the clinic. Dean called Gilda’s personal cell phone and had to leave a message saying they were coming in and what had happened.

They got to the OB clinic and she was pacing at the door. “Come on in, I’ve got a room for you. I can’t believe this happened to you, Cas. Are you having any cramping or pain/”

“No, just my knees and hands, but I was so scared. I just want to make sure everything is okay.”

“You bet, honey,” Gilda replied, her arm around Cas, guiding him.

Everything checked out just fine. Cas even agreed to an internal exam to be sure. They heard the heartbeat and Gilda even checked his hands and knees to be sure he was okay. She ended up putting a staple in a cut off the side of one of his knees.

“Leave them open and let them heal. Get some rest. Call me if you need me,” she told him as he and Dean left the clinic.

Dean made a phonecall to Henriksen, his boss and got the clearance to take the rest of the day. He knew Dean felt out of sorts for taking it, but he also knew there was no way Dean would leave him alone right now.

Dean helped Cas shower and dress in comfortable sleep pants and a tshirt. He got him on the couch with a pillow and a warm blanket. He made him a cup of tea which got cold as Cas cried himself to sleep. He was okay, but it was another bump in the road for him. He was trying so hard to help Dean and to find his own place here. He seemed to take one step forward and two steps back.

Dean sang him the Disney lullaby he had learned for the baby. Cas let it wash over him as he cried himself out.

 

*****

Cas woke and heard Dean in the kitchen. He smelled something good. Chicken soup he thought. He felt much better and though it would bother him for a while, he had more important things to dwell on. There was so much coming up. They were beginning plans on the nursery and it was almost Christmas.

He got up and joined Dean in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist. He turned to take Cas in his arms and held him close as they danced to the music Dean was playing while cooking. He’d had an awful day, but Dean’s touch could always make things better for him. They had a lot to look forward to and Cas would be damned if he let this one incident ruin it.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas accidentally runs on a road that is secure and is frightened and slightly hurt(scraped hands and knees) when taken into custody.
> 
> This actually happened to my brother at one of the bases my father was stationed at, minus the being pregnant part, LOL


	7. The Stockings Were Hung

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas and Cas and Dean celebrate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long week and shitty head cold so not a lot of editing. Forgive me and let me know of any glaring errors.

Cas was by no means a fragile person just because he was a carrier. Dean knew that in his head and believed that with all his heart. But after Cas’ scare with the security police, Dean gave him a little extra pampering for a while. Cas deserved happiness. He deserved to be doted on, and Dean loved that Cas let him. Dean had no choice but to go to work the next day and the days after, but he called more often during the day and he hugged and touched and loved on Cas more than ever when he got home.

Cas was grateful the first few days, rolled his eyes when it continued, but then just let Dean smother him and flourished under it. Dean brought Cas tea, rubbed his feet, took slow evening walks with him, their fingers threaded, and did the dishes every night. Instead of watching TV on opposite ends of the couch with their feet tangled, Dean held Cas close and whispered how much he loved him and how beautiful he was, in his ear.

By Christmas, Cas’ belly had really popped out left no doubt that he was expecting, even from a distance. Dean watched Cas as the pregnancy progressed and fell more in love with him every day. Every night before bed they took a photo of Cas and over the six months of pictures in the file, you could see his belly swell and his back start to sway. His face was a bit fuller but he didn’t look any heavier, probably because of his running.

Gilda wanted a minimum of 20 pounds gained and Dean would get him there. Cas was eating very well as he finished his second trimester. He had mentioned to Dean that he would not run too much past  seven months, that it would be uncomfortable. But there was no doubt to Dean, Cas was beautiful carrying their baby.  

Sam and Jess, and Gabe were not coming for the holiday because they were saving their time off for March when the baby came. They were still going to have a great Christmas. They would have their own Christmas morning together, and then they had been invited to dinner at Gilda and Charlie’s. Benny and his family were heading to New Orleans for a few days.

They had spent a wonderful Saturday in early December, looking for a tree and set it up in the corner of the living room. Their belongings had arrived from Gabe some weeks back and it was nice to see all of their ornaments and decorations on the tree and throughout the house. Of course they had added to their decorations based on their new house. Cas had made a beautiful wreath for the front door at a class with Kitty.  Dean had always loved decorating for Christmas, well any holiday really,  and now he loved the way Cas smiled when they entered their home to see it ready for their celebration.

A pact had been made between the couple, setting a two hundred dollar limit for gifts. They made a contest of sticking to it. Dean had things hidden all over the house and looked forward to their quiet Christmas morning together. He had ordered most of his gifts for Cas but had take a page from Cas’ crafting book and had made one special present at the wood hobby shop. He couldn't wait to give it to Cas. Christmas could not come soon enough.

Because the holiday fell on Monday, they had the entire weekend to bake together. They were bringing all the dessert to dinner. By Sunday the fridge was full of pies and the dining room table was full of cookies. They stored their cookies in tins lined with waxed paper so they would stay fresh. It was something Dean remembered from his childhood and they enjoyed the tradition wholeheartedly, collecting tins when they came across them.

“Okay, Babe, that’s chocolate chip, oatmeal, seven layer bars, blackberry bars, and pecan snowballs. All we have left now are the cream cheese cut outs and the spritz. You ready to roll out the dough for the cut outs?”

“Sure, just let me put these dishes away and we’ll have the counter to roll on. Are we gonna use the round cutter again this year?” Cas asked as he tucked bowls and spoons in cabinets and drawers.  There was music from a Christmas radio station playing music in the background.

“Yeah, I think so. I think it looks like an ornament. Plus the other shapes are a bitch to frost. You roll and cut, I will fill the cookie sheets and watch the timer.”

Soon Cas was rolling out the dough from the center like Dean had taught him during the pie crusts the day before. It was endearing the way Cas stuck his tongue out  and concentrated. He measured the thickness with a ruler, because it _‘made him feel better’._ Dean could not resist as he snaked his arms around Cas’ waist, rubbing his belly and earning an undignified squeak when he ventured below.

“Dean! I’m trying to roll this to a quarter inch!”

Dean spun him around and kissed him deviously, adding,  “I’ve got something you can measure with your ruler, Babe!”

“More like something I can spank with my ruler!”

Suddenly Dean was the one squeaking as he ran from the kitchen, Cas behind him, ruler in hand. They ended up on the couch together sharing heated kisses, going no further with so much baking to finish. They caught their breath watching the glow of the white twinkling lights and gold star on their tree.

“It’s an awesome tree, Cas. Like... extra pretty. For some reason it feels like our first one,” Dean said quietly with a hand on Cas’ belly.

“Well, we’ve had a lot of trees meant to celebrate with Sam and Gabe and Bobby, but this is the first tree that is just for us, the three of us,” Cas responded softly, placing his hand over Dean’s.

“Yeah, just for the three of us...love you, hon...love you too, little Sweetpea.”

“Do that again, Dean. Talk to the baby.”

“Hello there little Sweetpea, it’s Daddy. Do you like the tree?”

Cas’ face lit up. “Dean, the baby moved when you talked. Did you feel it? They moved right by your face. I felt it.”

“Really? I didn’t feel it. You mean it, Sweetpea can hear me?” Cas nodded and watch Dean’s eyes shine with unshed tears. “I can’t wait til I can feel it.”

“Me either, sweetheart, me either.” They sat for a few minutes longer, Dean talking to the baby and moving his face to different parts of Cas’ belly. They laughed as he or she followed Dean’s voice. Finally they got back to the cookies.

They worked together and soon all of the cutouts were cooling on the table.  This was the first year that Cas hadn't just been Dean’s helper. It was nice to have Cas take a larger role in the baking. It made the work go faster and they had a great time in the kitchen together. If Dean trapped Cas against the counter between batches and kissed him senseless, that was just a bonus.

Once the spritz were pressed and baked, they mixed the frosting and began to decorate. The dipped the spritz in thin icing and then added Christmas sprinkles. The cutouts got buttercream spread on them and sprinkles as well. They were starving when they finished despite the five minute finger sucking session to rid each other or frosting. Cookies had never been so sexy.

“How about I order a pizza and we make out again till it gets delivered?” Dean asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“Sounds good,” Cas answered with his voice deep and growly. Dean swallowed and then ordered the pizza.

They argued who was in the better condition to greet the delivery person and ate right on the coffee table. Dean grabbed a beer for himself and a winter polar seltzer for Cas.

By seven they had made a tray of cookies for dinner tomorrow. They had bought Santa Claus platters at The Christmas Tree Shop to make gift platters for Charlie and Gilda, Sgt. Henriksen, Ashley, Kitty and for Samandriel, who was going to spend the holiday alone but who was now joining them for Christmas dinner. They ran around and delivered their trays, surprising those they would not see at dinner.

With the dishes done, and the kitchen spotless and ready for the morning celebration, they each brought the last few presents down, placing them under the tree. All their gifts were wrapped in brown paper with colorful ribbons. Cas had set up a wrapping center in the soon to be nursery. There had been a sign to indicate when it was being used and it was always exciting knowing when the other was wrapping.  

They shared a Christmas Eve cup of cocoa and made phone calls to Sam and Jess, and then Gabe, wishing all a Merry Christmas. It was a little sad not seeing them for the holiday, but it would be worth it when the baby came. Snuggling in front of the tree, Cas must have dozed off. He woke to Dean kissing his forehead and nudging him awake. They crawled into bed and slept spooned together.

 

*****

 

Cas felt the baby begin to move as he stirred from sleep. He lay quietly feeling the baby roll and bump him from the inside. It was Christmas morning and he was excited to spend it with Dean. The only thing they had to do was be on time for dinner at Charlie and Gilda’s at two in the afternoon. He had Dean to himself all morning.

He slid quietly out of bed to relieve his bladder and brush his teeth.  He was just getting big enough that his hips needed a moment to adjust when he first stood. He made his way to the bathroom and when he was done, he stood in front of the mirror and lifted his shirt. He smiled to himself and patted his belly.

“Hey there, sweet one...I’m so excited to see you and hold you…”

Cas jumped when he heard Dean speak.

“Well, that makes two of us then.” Dean said, voice rough from sleep. He kissed Cas as he passed the sink to _hit the head_ as he called it since basic. “Merry Christmas, but It’s only seven, Babe, crawl back in bed...I’ll be right there.”

Cas kind of had a timeline in his head. He wanted to be downstairs by nine making coffee and breakfast. By nine thirty he figured they would be eating by the tree and slowly opening presents. They were in no rush and could shower and dress after their gifts. That would leave them plenty of time to even go for a walk together. Cas would not run on Christmas and leave Dean home alone. For now he climbed back into bed and waited for Dean.

Cas could not hold back the smile when Dean slid back into bed and immediately pulled Cas close to him.

“Merry Christmas, Cas,” Dean repeated as he pressed his front to Cas’ back, spooning him suggestively.

“You said that already, Airman Winchester.”

Dean’s voice had that little devious tone to is as he answered. “Oh, I know I did, but now I have a present for you.”

Cas half groaned, half giggled as the outline of Dean’s hardening cock pressed into the crack of his ass.

“Well, what a coincidence...I have a present for you, too,” Cas said with a little sarcasm. He handed Dean a box with a big red bow on it.

Dean roared with laughter when he opened the peppermint flavored lube Cas had bought as a joke. “Holding out on me, huh Cas? I could have been using this all season.”

Cas’ cheeks flushed pink when Dean teased him and soon his cheeks were pink for a completely different reason. Dean had two pillows under Cas’ hips and was using that holiday gift to get Cas ready. Cas cried out each time Dean’s tongue joined his fingers to get the morning started.

“Fuck, Cas I will never smell peppermint without getting a boner ever again. Such a good idea,” Dean moaned.

“Oh, Dean,” Cas nearly sobbed as Dean finally slid into him slowly and pressed his hips to Cas’ ass. He felt Dean give him a minute to adjust

“Baby, okay? Need me to move the pillows?” Dean asked attentively, kissing down Cas’ spine.

“Nope, I’m fine...I just need you to give me a happy holiday!” he said with a smirk.

Dean did just that. He gave Cas a gentle pounding and a little more when he begged.

“Cas, Babe, feels so good...so good...want me to touch you?” Dean said moving to reach for Cas’ cock trapped on the pillows.

“NO! Don’t change a thing...God please stay right there...right there...don’t stop...Deeean…” Cas just needed a few more hits to that spot combined with the friction of the towel on the pillow and he would be there. He grabbed behind himself to get a hold of Dean’s hip.

“Alright, right here, just like that, so good, gotcha Babe.”

Soon the pace picked up almost frantic and the slap of skin was loud in the room. It happened quickly and Cas felt his toes curling as he cried out. “Deeeean, fuck!”

Dean’s hips faltered a few more stroked before he locked up tight and came deep inside Cas.

“Ohhhhh, Jesus, Babe, hmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm,” Dean groaned as he pumped through his orgasm.

He lay down on top of Cas and snuggled into his neck. Cas felt relaxed and wonderful, loose in all the good ways.

“Merry Christmas to _me_ ,” Cas laughed, still breathing heavily himself. His timeline had a few changes as they showered first before going downstairs to eat.

Dean held him in the shower and kissed him warmly. “It is a merry Christmas, isn’t it Cas?’

“It certainly is, honey... it most certainly is.”

 

*****

They opened their presents and ate the breakfast before casserole they had put together last night. Cas had decorated them both Santa hats with their names and Dean wore his with a smile. They took selfies and sent them to friends and family.

Dean loved  the blanket Cas had made for him. He loved all his presents, the new shirt of soft solid green flannel, the alpaca scarf and hat he had made in black so Dean could wear it with his uniform, and the ‘ _DUDE I’m going to be a DAD_ ’ shirt. But the blanket was beautiful. It was multi colored and each row or so was made differently. It looked complicated despite the fact that Cas said it was easy to make.

Cas glowed as he opened his presents. He adored the little  Parents to Be crib ornament. He laughed at the apron that read, _‘All this and I Can Cook’._ He seemed happy to have the new shirts that were for pregnancy and nursing postpartum. He cried when Dean gave him the complete set of Frances the Badger children’s books. He cried so hard in fact that Dean almost felt bad. Dean had seen the books on his Amazon list and found a signed set on EBAY for a steal. When Cas found out they were signed, he cried again. Then Dean cried because he had no idea they meant that much and he was glad Cas liked them.

Dean gave Cas his final present, the one he had made and he was a little worried since Cas had gotten so worked up over the books. He made Cas close his eyes as he retrieved the gift from the storage room off the garage. He put it on the coffee table and uncovered it. Cas opened his eyes and sobbed.

“No, Oh my God where did you find this...Dean it’s so perfect…” he managed to choke out as he ran his hands over the tree shaped bookshelf with little animal bookends for the nursery.

Dean, a little misty eyed over Cas’ response, knelt down next to him and answered, “I made it at the woodshop, Babe.”

That only got Cas going again, “Stop, you did not! Dean…I love it so much, I can’t even…”

Dean held him and rubbed his back. “I knew you would like it, but I didn’t think…”

“Oh Dean, this is the sweetest gift you have ever given me...it's incredibly special. You have no idea...you made this for _me_? I’m so happy, Dean. I’m gonna put all the baby’s books and special things on these shelves...thank you Sweetheart.”

Dean placed a warm kiss in that spot just behind Cas' ear before whispering, “You’re welcome, Cas. Merry Christmas...I love you.”

“Me too, Dean...me too.”

They put all their unwrapped gifts under the tree as was their tradition, though Dean immediately donned his Dad tshirt to wear under a flannel shirt for dinner. They did the dishes and then took a nice long walk through the neighborhood. It was cold and they bundled up, but it wasn't  subfreezing like in Kansas and the fresh air felt great.

They had nothing to rush to get done, no dinner to be responsible for today.  Their dessert, including a hot cocoa bar,  was ready for later. They were going to cook a standing rib roast at home the next day so they would have dinner and leftovers for the week, but today was a slow down and enjoy day for them. They’d had their first, and last, Christmas morning alone and it had been wonderful.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sensitive crying pregnant people are kind of my thing...


	8. Keeping It Simple, is Not as Easy as It Sounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's nursery time and it should be easy...shouldn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love planning rooms and things...sorry for the details if you do not.
> 
> little to no editing, feel free to point out glaring errors...it has been like 85-90 all week and I am worn out. Little children do not like heat, nor do chubby teachers!

If you told Dean even five years ago that he would one day be sitting in the parking lot of Toys R Us with Cas seven months pregnant and on the verge of tears, he would not have believed you. Having said that, it was exactly where Dean found himself and his heart was broken for Cas. It was the end of January and Cas, seven months pregnant, had experienced a difficult couple of weeks.

It started with a scare when he took a tumble during a run. He and the baby were fine, but it shook him and Dean as well. So regretfully, Cas had stopped running. He was in a pregnancy yoga class three times a week, but Dean knew he missed running.

In addition to that, Cas failed his glucose test and had to take the three hour test. Dean could not get the time off so Cas went alone and he ended up vomiting at the end. Of course he did not call Dean to tell him that, instead walking home in the cold, sick to his stomach. Dean found him in bed when he got home at four and was concerned enough to call Gilda. He ended up being fine, but Dean had felt the need to set down some some ground rules. Well he tried to and got the searing squint of the century and in the end just begged Cas to call him next time.

As if the universe felt the need to kick Cas while he was down, he developed sciatica in his lower back that sent shooting pains through his hip and down his right leg. Most days it was not bad, but every so often it would cause him to limp and leave him in severe pain. Luckily, the yoga class helped with that.

Today was supposed to have been fun. They had pretty much planned the entire nursery on paper and today was supposed to be the day they bought all the furniture. They had briefly considered garage saleing it again, but then decided that if they were to have more babies, they could use the same furniture several times.

Cas had decided that white furniture would look best with the colors they had chosen, but had waited  to see the furniture in the store to actually select the set. They knew they wanted a crib, a changing table and clothing storage. They went to two local furniture stores with open minds only to be deeply disappointed in the overly elaborate styles they found. A trip to Toys R Us had ended just as poorly.

“I’m sorry we didn’t find anything there either, Babe,” Dean said as he tried to console Cas.

Dean could sense that Cas was uncharacteristically close to a meltdown and he was a little worried. Cas had just been through enough lately and though Dean never thought he would ever say the words in reference to his husband, he blamed the hormones. Cas was emotional with Dean, the two of them had always confessed their fears and cried when they needed it, but to each other and in private.

Cas had always been a rock for Dean, incredibly strong when things got tough. He and Dean had handled so many hard times together. Dean was pained for his husband who seemed to have lost  control of his emotions lately. Worse, Dean knew it bothered Cas, terribly.

“I just wanted something simple, but not cheap. Those elaborate sets from the furniture stores were ridiculous. We would have to get a whole new house to match them. And the shit we just saw here is ridiculously overpriced for the quality. I am not buying any of that. What are we going to do? I don’t want to not have a decent bed for the baby. We’re almost out of time,” Cas said, the tremble in his voice escalating the more he spoke.

Dean put a hand on the back of Cas’ neck to ground him.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas. Easy there, Hon...we have two months. That is plenty of time to get the nursery together. Let’s not panic just yet, alright?”

The minute the word panic left his mouth he regretted it. Cas’ face took on an almost cartoon like anger.

“Oh sure, I’m not allowed to worry about my due date because we have sooooo long to go. Meanwhile I watch my feet disappear and half collapse when my hip flares up. I’m just out of my mind and _‘panicking’_ if I seem concerned that we have no nursery-”

“Cas,” Dean pleaded softly. “I didn’t say what I really meant there, I’m sorry. I love you and I’m sorry you’re having a rough time. I know it’s not easy being the one having the baby, sweetheart. Can I do anything right now to help you?”

Cas took a deep breath and let out a big sigh. “Why do you even put up with my bullshit, Dean?”

“It’s not bullshit, babe. Give yourself a break. You’ve been through so much since I joined. You’re a saint as far as I’m concerned. Can I hug you? I know I need a hug.”

Cas slid across the seat and placed himself in Dean’s arms. “You’re good to me you know…and you’re right, I am panicking...a little. I just need to feel settled and ready.”

“You have every right to want to be ready. I know you like all your ducks in a row, Babe.  How’s your back? You doing okay?” Dean asked as he nuzzled into Cas’ unruly hair. He had an ulterior motive for asking. Checking Cas’ open tabs on the laptop  had it’s purpose.

“I’m okay. It’s not bad today. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t mean to be a grumpy whiner.”

“You certainly have reasons to whine now and then. You are a trooper, and I know I couldn’t handle it as well as you. But hey, listen... You feel good enough to go for a long ride, like a couple of hours?” Dean asked hopefully.

Cas looked up at Dean curiously. “For what?”

“Well, I happened upon the laptop and your tabs. You have been looking up simple furniture and when we were in this last store, I searched simple baby furniture and IKEA came up. Now, I know I said that I would never step foot in an IKEA, but look at some of these cribs.”

Dean handed Cas his phone and watched as Cas’ face perked up a bit. “It’s about two hours. Can you sit that long, Babe?”

Cas smiled at Dean. “I can, Sweetheart, thank you. I think you’ve found what we are looking for. IKEA here we come.”

 

*****

 

Cas was embarrassed by his near meltdown in the parking lot of Toys R Us, but the prices were unbelievable and he honestly saw nothing he liked. Even if they had found a crib, there was nothing else to go with it and Cas had his heart set on matching pieces pulling the nursery plan together. He envisioned simple white furniture taming the bright colors of the bedding and paint choices. There were so many browns in the theme, he felt they would get lost in dark furniture. He was disappointed with everything he had seen until Dean showed him the IKEA website.

It was a two and a half hour ride, but it was well worth it. They were standing in the crib section, specifically in front of the Hensvik pieces set up as a sweet nursery,  and they were perfect. Simple white lines and a little carving on the end panels of the crib and the tops of the simple armoire and changing table shelving unit.

The minute he saw the display, Cas felt all of the tension leave him. There was a lightness to the trip now and the excitement of shopping for their back.

“It’s perfect, Dean. It’s just what I wanted. This crib is just open and airy and won’t detract from the feel of the room, don’t you think?”

“I think I’d buy anything that put that smile on your face. Did you look at the price tags, Babe? We can buy the whole set for the price of one of those cribs you hated. Three hundred plus the crib mattress sure beats what we would have spent anywhere else. We can get you a rocker, too, huh?”

“I found a rocker at the base thrift shop. They have it on hold for me until Tuesday. It’s a glider and I’m gonna make new cushions at the hobby shop.” Cas revealed as he ran his hands along the dips in the crib end panels. “This is our baby’s bed, Dean. This is the one.”

Dean pulled Cas into his arms and felt as Cas’ round belly pressed into his. They held each other for a few minutes before Dean used his phone to screenshot the tag numbers. They headed to self help and Dean loaded each piece on a cart. They checked out and loaded the boxes into the trunk and back seat of the Impala.

“Alright! Nursery furniture, check! Let’s find some dinner and head home,” Dean declared.

He found himself pressed to the driver’s seat, the recipient of a very enthusiastic kiss. “Thanks for getting me out of my furniture funk, Dean. Now we just have to put it all together. I can’t wait!”

They ate at Not Your Average Joe’s starting with Thai chicken lettuce wraps and then each getting a steak. Dinner had a celebratory feel and Cas enjoyed the way Dean was affectionate. The baby kicked hard and Cas took Dean’s hand and placed it on his belly. The look on Dean’s face said it all.

“Can you feel it? That’s your baby, Daddy?”

Dean swallowed hard and blinked away tears. His voice was thick and breathless with excitement. “I do. I feel it. That’s our baby, Cas.”

The finished their meal, Dean with one hand on Cas’ belly so he wouldn’t miss a kick. It had been a great day.

 

********

Dean tightened the final screw in the last piece of furniture he and Cas had assembled. The walls were painted, the bedding washed and ready and the art was ready to be hung.

They put the crib against the far wall at the end of the room, where Cas had placed the decal of a tree that matched the bedding. He had purchased wooden letters of the first names they had chosen and those would hang in the tree spelling out whose room it was.

The tall armoire was to the right of the door as you came in just down from the closet. The changing table unit was on the wall opposite the crib, just as you came in the room. The wall across from the door had windows and in front of those they had a small table and chairs that Cas had repainted to match the room. He even modge podged woodland creatures onto the tabletop and in the chair seats.

The room itself was painted a bright leaf green from the floor to a white chair rail that Dean had installed. Above the rail they had done a sponge treatment to make the wall look like an aqua sky. They hung all of the woodland creature prints from Jess and Sam between the windows above the table and chairs.

The little wooden tree shelf Dean made was in the corner between the changing table and the little seating area for books and mementos that it would hold. There was a small white shelf installed in the same corner and it was sturdy enough to hold the fox bookends and the books Cas had already purchased. The rocker and footstool  sat in the corner by the book shelves and in the center of the room was a carpet that looked like a fox.

They still had to fill the shelves and the armoire with clothes and all the other things a baby needed, but the room was complete and they loved it. Sometimes in the evening, Cas rocked in the chair and Dean sat on the footstool. Dean took down the little chubby board books and read the baby stories. Not even born yet, Cas swore the baby preferred when Dean read _Goodnight Moon_.

 


	9. TDY and Debriefing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is in his third trimester and things are going well, except for three little letters...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am taking liberty with military things again...

Dean thought the third trimester would be the most difficult time of the pregnancy for Cas but somehow it wasn’t. That didn’t mean there weren’t rough spots along the way, but Cas seemed to roll with the changes better. There was a sense of settling down that surprised Dean and permeated the house an ease that had been missing. Dean was such a proud husband and Daddy to be. Every time he looked at Cas, he couldn’t suppress the thought that his husband was going to be a wonderful father. That was why Dean hated that he was the one to spoil all that.

He watched Cas’ belly grow and he watched as an absolutely adorable waddle developed when Cas walked. There was some back discomfort, but his sciatica had gotten a bit better. Dean also loved the fact that the further along Cas got, the cuddlier he became. They had always been snugglers, but now Dean felt like Cas’ personal body pillow and they spent their evenings and weekends intertwined when they were not getting ready for the baby.

Cas’ appointments went from monthly to every two weeks. The were headed to one today.  Dean had cleared the time off with Henrikson and just needed to swing by and pick up Cas. It was a pretty cold day in early February, hovering just above freezing and Cas was ready when he got there. He came to the door smiling, bundled in his warm pregnancy jacket, a scarf, a hat and mittens. Dean smiled at how beautiful Cas looked. He hoped their baby would be as adorable as Cas.

Dean helped Cas into the car and soon they were at the clinic. He took Cas' coat and tucked all of his woolen items in the sleeve before hanging it on the coat rack. He hustled back to help Cas settle in his chair.

Cas plunked down the last few inches and chuckled at himself. Dean leaned over and kissed him chastely before taking the chair next to him. They noticed that even in uniform the OB clinic seemed to be a safe zone for affection.  Cas slipped his hand into Dean’s and he squeezed back.

“Comfortable, Babe?”

“Yes, thank you, Dean. Hopefully we won’t wait too long, huh?”

“I don’t mind waiting if I get to wait with you,” Dean commented adding a kiss to Cas’ cheek. The blush he got in return was all the answer he wanted.

When they called Cas, Dean hopped up and offered him a hand. He kept a hand on his husband’s lower back, guiding him to the area where the nurse would get his vitals. They shared glances and smiles. It was fun to come to the check ups now.

His pressure was good and he had long surpassed the twenty pounds that Gilda had wanted him to gain. He made kind of a grimace when he saw the amount he had gained.

“Cas, Babe...you’re a runner. It will fall off when you get back into your sneaks. Don’t sweat it. ‘Sides, more to love, you know?”

“Dean!” Cas shout whispered.

“I can’t help how beautiful you look when you’re pregnant, Cas!”

The nurse laughed and waved them towards the bathroom handing Cas a plastic cup with a lid. “You know the drill, Mr. Winchester.”

Dean helped Cas give his urine sample. They had gotten over the awkwardness last month. Cas had admitted that he could not only not see his feet, he could not see other parts that were necessary when giving a urine sample. The nurse had offered to help and Dean had seen by the look on Cas’ face that he did not want that. So now, just as before, Dean helped Cas retain as much dignity as possible while aiming his dick for him as he peed into the cup.

When the lid was twisted on and the sample put in the little receptacle, and hands washed, dean gave Cas a reassuring hug. He knew the process bothered Cas a little.

“I do not, in any way, mind helping you when you need it, Babe.”

“Thanks, Sweetheart. My aim is just shitty at this point and I don’t really want the nurse to have to help me.”

Dean kissed Cas warmly. “I know...that is what I am here for.”

The rest of the appointment went well. Cas measured at 32 weeks, right on the money. His ankles were a little swollen but nothing over the top. His three hour glucose test had come back normal. He’d had some leaking from his chest and Gilda identified it as colostrum and recommended a nursing tank or bra and pads. She told him to watch his weight at this point, despite what Dean might have told him,  so that the baby would not be too big at delivery. The heartbeat was a beautiful steady rhythm.

  
Gilda took them through a birth plan form and they let her know that Cas had decided on a hypnobirth. She had been instructing them in class on a variety of natural birth methods.

“Cas, I couldn’t be happier. You are so calm and collected. Hypnobirth just seems to suit you. Practice every night for about 10 minutes and you two will be pros.”

“I think it’s best for us, too,” Cas answered. His face just glowed when she had reinforced his choice.

“Any contractions, Braxton Hicks?”

Dean spoke up. “He’s having those daily but the book says as long as he doesn’t have more than 6 an hour and he doesn’t.”

Gilda smiled as Dean answered for Cas and talked them through what to look for about early labor.

“Be sure to continue your vitamins, practice your hypno exercises and I want you off your feet and on your left side for thirty minutes once in the morning and once in the afternoon, okay. Let’s keep that fluid from pooling in your ankles too badly, alright?”

“Sounds good, Gilda. Everything still looking good, though, right?” Cas asked, sounding a little apprehensive.

She patted his upper arm reassuringly, “I would tell you otherwise. You are very healthy, Cas. Baby looks good and heartbeat is strong. Now let’s get that final ultrasound taken care of so we know everything is kosher for delivery. You realize in eight weeks you will be holding a baby, don’t you?”

“Oh my goodness, when you say it like that it sounds so close?” Cas replied with a huge smile.

“That’s because it is close, sweetheart,” Dean said fondly. “Holy shit Cas we are having a baby soon.” He ran his hand over Cas’ belly affectionately before helping him of the exam table.

Gilda scribbled one more note before handing his records to the nurse. “Oh and Cas, after the next appointment, you come every week and we start cervical checks, just so you are ready for that mentally.”

“Thanks, Gilda. You’re great. I appreciate the heads up,” Cas said and he did. He liked to know what was happening and Dean was so glad that they had found her when Cas got to Virginia.

“No thanks necessary and remember… this is all temporary and soon you’ll be celebrating your new family.”

They headed down the hall, Cas waddling and drawing fond looks,  to radiology to wait for his ultrasound. It wasn’t long before he was on the table, big belly exposed and pictures of the baby on the monitor.

“So you don’t want to know gender. That means look away when I tell you to, and I won’t spill the beans either,” the tech told them.

“What are you looking for today,” Cas asked. They always got nervous when they didn’t know what was happening. Dean offered his hand and Cas took it with a gentle squeeze.

“Today we are confirming placental placement, in male carriers the placenta can be a slippery bugger and move slowly over time. Yours is perfectly placed, far from the cervix...see here?”

Dean saw a dark mass on the screen and was relieved even though he wasn’t sure what he was seeing.

“Also, we are looking at size and I would predict about a seven pounder. He or she is about on the mark at five pounds-ish.”

Cas asked, “Is that a good size?”

“Sure is, but remember most of the extra calories you eat are going to become baby weight, so watch the junk. Don’t diet by any means, but this was the point I cut back to one cookie a day,” the tech laughed as she spoke. “And I know that is harder than it sounds.”

“Good to know, though,” Cas responded. “Gilda told me the same.”

“Gilda delivered my daughter, you will love her when you give birth. She is very calming.”

Dean piped in, “Well that will make one of us.”

The tech laughed, “Cas looks like he will be pretty zen in labor.”

“That’s what I’m hoping,” Cas said, putting his free arm under his neck. Dean leaned in a gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.

“No worries, Cas. You are gonna kick ass at this.”

“Alright, you ready to watch this baby while I record some footage for you?”

Cas and Dean stared at the screen and the tech handed them a box of tissues. They wiped away happy tears as the baby moved it’s arms and legs. They laughed at a few kicks that caused Cas to jump.

“Hello baby,” Dean sniffled. Cas patted his belly, and the baby responded by moving.

“We are going to see you in a little while, sweet baby,” Cas said, looking at the movement on the screen. He looked to Dean and they kissed warmly but chastely.

“Now I am going to need a tissue,” the tech confessed, grabbing one. She wiped Cas’ belly and Dean helped him pull his jeans back up and smoothed his shirt down.

The tech left and came back with pictures and a CD. She shut down the machine and sent them on their way with a wish of good luck that they barely heard as they both stared at the pictures of the baby they would soon hold.

*****

“What the hell do you mean you are getting _sent_ TDY? What does that even mean?” Cas asked, his tone as frustrated as he felt when Dean came home to tell him he might be going away for a week.

“It’s temporary duty, Cas. I don’t like it any more than you do but Henriksen said the pilot asked for me and Benny specifically and the powers that be approved it. I don’t think I am being asked, Babe. I’m gonna have to go.”

“What if I go into labor? What happens then? Dean, I am at 34 weeks now. I start going to see Gilda every Monday...you’re going to miss an appointment if you go away. You promised not to miss any more.”

He hated the look he put on Dean’s face with that comment. Dean had missed one appointment when there had been an inspection on base and he felt awful. Cas had been good about it, but Dean had punished himself over it, repeatedly.

“I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have said that. I know you hate missing the appointments. I’m just a little panicky that I could go into labor any time and then with you being gone...well you know my track record when it comes to things like this.”

Dean pushed his leftover pasta around on the plate. “I know, Cas and I don’t want to leave you alone, but Benny and I just finished our training and a pilot asking for us to be sent to repair their jet is a big thing. It means they trust us. It’s a big deal, Babe. I would not go if you were due. I would try to say no for sure, but you’ve got like six weeks left and even if you went two weeks early…”

Cas put his big boy pants on and took a deep breath. It wasn’t like Dean had any control, really…

“You’re right, sweetheart...and this is our life. We are a military family and we are probably lucky it is only a week,” Cas said, forcing his voice to be upbeat.

Dean jumped on Cas’ positivity. “And it might not even be a whole week, may only be a few days. I am sure Benny and I can fix it quick and I’ll get right back to you...I promise.”

“Dean, you are going to have to be careful making promises like that. You know you don’t have choices like you used to,” Cas clucked out in a warning tone. “Now, it’s discussed and over, try to enjoy your carbonara. I added extra cream when I warmed it up so it wouldn’t be dry.”

Dean leaned over and planted an intense kiss on Cas’ lips. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“Of course I do, Honey. Don’t ever doubt that. I don’t need you traipsing across the country wondering if I’m pissed and not still head over heels. It's your job to fix jets, it’s my job to support you and I love my job, even the hard parts...like morning sickness and TFY.”

‘That’s TDY...not F…” Dean smirked.

“Don’t correct me you shit, eat that pasta before you desert me to give birth in the wilderness alone with a shoelace and hunting knife.” Cas tried to scold Dean, but he couldn’t suppress the chuckle at his own joke.

“Really, Cas? This is going to be painful isn’t it?”

Now is was Cas’ turn to smirk and he did make Dean pay in bed that night. Of course Dean was eager to repay Cas, he always was.

Dean left for Colorado two days later on a Wednesday. He would be gone seven days at the most or his orders would have to be extended. He and Benny were issued winter gear and left in the dark of night. Dean had made sure the fridge was stocked and Cas had everything he might need despite the fact that cas was still capable of driving the car.

“Just in case, Babe, just in case,” Dean had explained. “Now be careful in the shower and on the stairs, you know how you sometimes slip now that you can’t see your feet. And don’t forget to salt the sidewalk and watch for ice if it snows.”

“Dean, I can handle it. I appreciate your concern. Let’s go to bed, it’s late.”

Cas got up when Benny came to get Dean and they held each other for a long time before letting go. Cas could tell Dean was excited because he and Benny were flying in the second seats of two jets headed to Colorado as well.

“Have fun, Dean or should I call you Maverick?” Cas teased as they were going out the door.

“If anything, Cas, call me Goose.” The minute he said it cas could tell he wanted to rescind the statement.

“It’s alright, Dean I know what you meant and you are not flying anywhere dangerous or engaging any migs so just kiss me and go before you make Benny late. I love you. Come back to me soon, Sweetheart.”

Dean kissed him deep and dirty and then jumped into Benny’s truck and drove away.  It was going to be a long week. He decided to let himself sleep in a bit.

That morning Cas got up and decided it would be a pajama day. He didn’t have anywhere to go and it was winter. He made hot cocoa and oatmeal with cinnamon before parking himself in front of the TV to binge watch the Harry Potter movies.

When he was done eating, he got out his yarn and crochet hook. He was finishing a very simple  sweater for the baby. He chose a bright orange color and the person teaching the crochet class promised to show him how to make a fox hat to go with it. He had enjoyed filling his time with new hobbies and he especially enjoyed that now he could make gifts for people.

He sort of relaxed through the rest of his day, doing yoga, having a salad for lunch and just enjoying having nothing to do. It was novel to make all his own choices. A good part of the day he just watched the baby kick from inside him.

Dean texted that night and Cas was glad to skype with him. He had surprised Dean with a Dell All in One Desktop computer for his birthday in January. He sat at the computer while Dean used their laptop he had brought with him.

“Hey Babe, how was your day?” Dean asked. He looked tired, but happy to see Cas.

Cas smiled and answered, “I spent all day in my pj’s and watched Harry Potter.”

“That’s great, I was afraid you would like serial clean or something.”

“How was your day, did you like flying in the jet?”

“Holy shit Cas, it was so awesome. I loved it. It was so cool I can’t even tell you…”

“You don’t need to Sweetheart, I can see it in your face.”

They visited for about twenty minutes and then Cas began to yawn.

“Cas, go to bed, Babe. I’ll call you tomorrow. Do you have plans?”

Cas was tired. He had slept twice today but he never had trouble with going to bed. Now sleeping was a whole other subject. That was getting harder and harder as his belly grew.

“Well, I was going to go to the library and see Kitty for fun. You know break up all my free time,” he chuckled.

“Oh, you’re breaking my heart Mr. Free Time. Be careful, okay...I love you and sweet baby. Call me when you are in bed, okay?”

“Sure, love you too.”

Cas called Dean as he said he would and fought tears as his sweet husband flipped the pages of the board book and read Goodnight Moon to the baby from Colorado.

The next day, Dean could not skype but texted a few times and promised to call on Friday. Cas could not wait to tell Dean his funny story. Friday’s skype fell through as well and it was Saturday before they got to actually talk again. They laughed and laughed over Cas’ sock trouble.

Dean was near tears he was laughing so hard. “So what did you do, Babe?”

“I just wore my boots without socks, got to the library, called Kitty into the office and explained that I needed her help to get my socks on. She laughed until she almost peed her pants and then put my socks on.”

“Oh Cas, I never even thought about that. I always put your socks on now that your tummy is so big,” Dean said and then the laughing stopped suddenly. “It’s a good thing we got you those slip on boots. I am sorry I forgot about the socks...though...come to think of it, I am not sure what I’da done anyway.”

“It’s okay, Dean. I figured it out. And...Kitty is going to come by every day and put socks on for me until you come home. No big deal, right?”

They laughed a little longer and Dean told him they would probably fly back on Tuesday. Cas put the phone by his belly as Dean read to the baby.  Cas said goodnight before struggling to shove pillows where he needed them to get comfortable. He couldn’t wait for Dean to get back and sleep next to him again. It was harder than he thought having Dean’s side of the bed empty and cold.  

Dean did miss Cas’ first one week appointment and internal exam, but Gilda was so supportive it wasn’t as bad as Cas thought it would be. Still, he wanted Dean back to help him practice his hypno breathing and to be there for the next visit to the clinic. He just wanted Dean back...period.

When Tuesday arrived, Cas nearly vibrated with excitement at the thought of Dean being home. He had been having lots of Braxton Hicks, especially at night, and truthfully he was ready to not be alone when they occurred. He would not lie and say he wasn’t disappointed to receive a call from Dean saying he had to go to the squadron before coming home.

“I’m sorry, Babe. Apparently we have to go debrief on all the repairs we made to the plane.”

“I understand, Dean...but I was planning on a little debriefing of my own, so hurry home, okay?” Cas quipped with a low growl in this voice.

“Castiel Winchester! You horndog! And here I thought you missed me for my mind!”

Cas was glad he was alone because he knew he was bright red.

Before long, he heard Benny’s truck in the driveway and He ran to throw open the front door. He hardly noticed the blast of cold air as Dean scooped him up and spun him around in the entryway. They didn’t even speak, just devoured each other with their kisses, deep and messy as Dean headed right for the stairs, presumably to take Cas to bed. It was what they both wanted.

Between kisses and steps, Cas offered, “I made dinner…”

“Can it keep?”

“I didn’t grill the steaks yet, the oven’s on warm for the rest,” Cas smiled into the next kiss.

“Great minds think alike, huh, Babe?” Dean said as he reached the top step and pressed Cas, belly and all into the wall, trying desperately to grind their hips together.   

“Futile effort, Dean, take me to bed.”

Cas nearly shrieked when he felt his feet leave the floor as Dean picked him up bridal style and made his way to their bedroom. He placed Cas gently on the bed and stripped himself of his military clothing. Cas began to remove his own clothes, but Dean stopped him.

“Please...Let me?”

Cas stilled his hands, laying them on his belly,  and enjoyed watching as more and more of Dean’s beautifully freckled skin was uncovered. By the time Dean’s pants fell to the floor and his hard cock sprang free, Cas’ hips were rocking in anticipation.

“Deeean…” Cas could not help calling out. His usually gravelly voice was a near whimper.

As if Cas were a fragile gift, one that should be treasured and opened carefully, Dean began to undress him. He kissed every inch of Cas’ skin as he exposed it. By the time Dean was urging Cas to lift his hips so he could remove the last of his clothing, Cas was shaking with the urge to have Dean inside him. Now it was his turn to plead.

“Please, Dean…”

Dean opened Cas slowly, almost painfully slow, as if he was ignoring each time Cas attempted to cant his hips onto Dean’s fingers.  Finally, when Cas could wait no longer, he nudged Dean’s hand away, regretting the loss of his fingers but knowing it was necessary. He turned on his side and Dean caught on helping Cas to his hands and knees before kneeling behind him.

Dean placed a sweet kiss on his lips, asking, tasting, and Cas returned it with fervor, all the while rocking back and causing Dean’s hard cock to slip over his opening and balls. Cas moaned as Dean kissed down his spine, tasting once again before taking his hips in a firm grip and guiding that cock into Cas’ eager hole.

The sounds they emitted were guttural and loud, but neither of them cared. They rocked together tenderly and yet so urgently, satisfying every want and desire they had suppressed over the week they were apart.

  
Cas could feel as Dean ran his hands over him, lighting him on fire with his fingers. When Dean’s hand found his bobbing cock under his belly, Cas cried out. Slicked from opening Cas earlier, Dean’s warm slippery hand encircled Cas perfectly. Cas gripped a handful of the comforter with one hand and reached back to stroke one of Dean’s thighs with the other, encouraging his well aimed thrusts.

Hips sped up as they reached the point they so insistently chased and Cas cried out as he stilled and came in Dean’s curled fist.

“Dean, Honey...Deeean!” he called as his husband stroked him through his orgasm.

“There you go, Babe, that’s what you needed.”

Cas nodded breathlessly, smiling and lowering his top half down onto his elbows. Then Dean grabbed Cas by both of his hips and thrusted just a few more times before his body locked and he filled Cas with the warmth he missed.

“Jesus, Cas...Jesus...fucking hell you feel good…”

Dean stilled and carefully removed himself from Cas, flopping onto his side and helping Cas do the same. “Babe, we have destroyed this comforter.”

“I missed you, Dean...I love you so much,” Cas snickered. “Sweetheart, you are so predictable that I not only put dinner on hold, but I also but a very washable blanket on the bed. So no, in fact we did not wreck the comforter.”

“Cas! You sneaky thing you! I love you, too.”

“So destroying the comforter was your first thought after leaving me alone for a week and that incredible orgasm?” Cas teased his husband. Dean looked like he didn’t quite know what to say.

“No, of course not...you know what I meant...I...I…” Dean stuttered.

“Welcome home, Dean. Now be quiet and snuggle. I’m starting to have Braxton Hicks because you made me come so hard.”

“Oh my God, are you okay?”

Cas pulled Dean in for a kiss and reassured him, “It’s normal Dean. After _activity_ they can start. It’s not real, relax. Have you forgotten everything we learned in class?”

“No, of course not. I just forgot that part,” Dean answered smugly.

They cuddled for a few minutes, but the Braxton HIcks increased.

“Ugh, they are not going to stop if I stay here like this and they are annoying. Help me take a shower and I will finish dinner, how’s that?”

Dean answered with a kiss and Cas maneuvered his way to his feet. They took a quick shower and Dean grilled the steaks on the back patio while Cas pulled the scalloped potatoes out of the oven and the salad from the fridge.

Cas had just lit the candles when Dean brought the steaks into the table. The table was set so that they ate side by side and kissed in between bites. They both agreed it was not too bad but not fun to be apart.

“Ready for dessert?” Cas asked.

“Didn’t we have dessert before dinner?” Dean snorted at his own joke.

Cas was quick with his retort. “No Airman Winchester, that was your _debriefing_. Now we are having dessert.”

The look on Dean’s face was priceless, almost as good as the mixed berry crisp with vanilla ice cream.


	10. Big Surprises!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas enter the home stretch of the pregnancy and get a surprise or two...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a ton of quality editing, lol. Hope there are no glaring errors...as usual, taking liberties wherever I want...

When Cas heard the communal shout of SURPRISE, three things popped into his mind. They came in this order: please let my bladder do it’s job properly in front of all these people, the deception was both deep and widespread, and pregnancy brain must be a scientific fact for him to get fooled this easily.

For over a week Dean had been complaining about a formal that Henrikson said they could not skip. It was a squadron dinner on a Friday night.

“A Friday night! Can you believe it Cas? My Friday with you. We had plans,” his short angry statements were still fresh in Cas’ mind. “The only good thing is I get to show you off, that is if you’ll come with me. We can bring spouses.”

The last thing Cas wanted to do three weeks before his due date looking like the hindenburg about ready to pop was go to a squadron dinner for the first time. However, the smile on Dean’s face when he mentioned bringing Cas was too beautiful to challenge.

“Sure, Dean. I’d love to come. What do I have to wear?” He asked knowing full well he was down to yoga pants and t shirts that fit him. So, of course, he went to Kitty for advice and ended a somehow quick and painless shopping trip with a pair of black pants and a crisp white dress shirt with about a thousand tiny pleats in the front to accommodate his now enormous belly.

Thinking back in that split second, so many people had commiserated with him and with Dean about having a night stolen and having to dress up, that it should have been a clue right there. Instead all that had crossed Cas’ mind was that Dean would be relieved he did not have to wear his uniform. Hindsight.

He quickly changed his mind when he and Dean had made out, twice, while getting ready. Cas took no responsibility, blaming Dean’s perfectly fitting black dress pants and fitted green dress shirt, tie  and grey vest combo. They had finally managed to get out of the house by staying at arms length at all times.

Now he stood at the opening of an expansive dining room in the Officer’s Club, friends gathered and laughing and Dean at his side. He was emotional and fought for grounding. That was the exact moment Dean slipped his hand in to Cas’ and squeezed. Cas turned to see Dean’s face lit up with excitement and he stole a kiss in front of all their guests. They locked eyes for a brief second, Cas conveying his love and gratitude without words. Dean simply nodded.

“This really is a surprise and many of you and I are going to have conversations later!” Cas feigned scolding. The room erupted in laughter again.

Kitty approached and huggend him fiercely, like she always did. “I hope you don’t mind, we’ve been planning for months. We had intended to have it late, when your family was here, but Gilda confided about your contractions and we did not think you would want to have a big party like this just after the baby came.”

“It’s perfectly wonderful and I think you’re right, though someone from Texas told me you always have showers after the baby is born and a few weeks old…” Cas teased. He had been having a few contractions here and there and between weekly checkups had dilated again.

Kitty laughed and then those who had planned the shower took Cas around and showed him everything. It was woodland themed to match the nursery. The colors had been kept to a simple cream and bright green. Tables were decorated with stumps of birch wood trunks that had white felt and little bristly animals adorning them. There were also birch branch sized candle holders and white pots with a beautiful bright green plants. It was charming, Cas loved every detail.

Printed decorations in the theme were here and there in the room as well. It was adorable with birch trees and tiny animals. There were small cards on every setting that read welcome and then listed the menu. The gift table had a banner of welcome pinned to the drapes behind it. The cake, a masterpiece of fondant made into simple trees with foxes and raccoons, read Welcome Baby Winchester and the table had a framed copy of the invitation for cas to hang in the nursery. The whole room was inviting and adorable.

“This is just amazing, Kitty. Thank you for doing this for us,” Cas said, the words catching in his throat just a bit.

“Oh heavens, you are so welcome. We are all so happy to have you here and the library is just so much fun with you coming in to read. The girls and I can’t wait to see this baby. You and your wanting to wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl, “Kitty teased. “We are about to go crazy.”

Cas and Dean greeted all the guests. Benny and Andrea were there as well as Gilda and Charlie.  Lots of Cas’ friends from the library and all of his cooking and craft classes, plus many of Dean’s squadron. It was clearly a party for both of them though Dean had been in on the secret.

Cas could not help but comment on the overflowing gift table. “That seems like a lot of presents, Dean. I hope we are not indebted to these people for this party. We could never return the favor on this level for sure.”

Dean looked at him and Cas watched his face go from disbelief to soft fondness. “You really have no idea how much people love an appreciate you, do you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Cas, these people are throwing you this party because they _love_ you and they want you to know that. You’re a very giving person in your daily life, Sweetheart. They just want to give back.”

Cas swallowed thickly, taken off guard by what Dean had told him, “Oh...I never thought about it like that”

He swallowed again and let himself enjoy the moment he was given. He also mentioned to Dean how many people from his work were there and that he must be well appreciated too. Dean tried to play it off but Cas gave him the eyebrow and Dean conceded and they both decided to just let the evening happen and enjoy it.

Wait staff began to appear with trays of appetizers throughout the room. Cas had a sausage stuffed mushroom, prosciutto wrapped asparagus, a shot glass of shrimp cocktail, and something that tasted like a jalapeno popper but was in puff pastry.   Plus there were cheese stations, with fancy cheese, not the bricks he and Dean bought. Dean was in heaven at the charcuterie station with all of the different dried specialty meats.

“Dean, this is just the appetizers. I have never had so many delicious things in my life.”

“Oh I think you cook as well as this tastes, Babe,” Dean said sweetly.

Cas leaned in for a kiss and was not disappointed. “Thank you, Dean. I like cooking for us. But I probably shouldn’t be eating all of this.”

Dean pulled Cas close and gave him a chaste peck on the lips, “It’s one night, Babe...Have a little fun, eat healthy again tomorrow.”

Cas did just that and before long he had tasted all the tidbits being handed out. When had eating food become such a turn on? He was such a pregnant person.

Soon they were called to the long tables and seated for dinner. They had a beautiful salad and then the main course was a choice. There were venison medallions with blackberry sauce, beef tenderloin with mushroom gravy or grilled fish. Each plate came with mashed sweet potatoes and oven roasted brussel sprouts. Cas was in heaven and was served some of each entree.

Kitty was clearly in charge. “Before the dessert service begins, we are gonna have some good old traditional Texas baby shower games. So y’all bear with me.”

Everyone laughed and they played the games in good fun. Many of them were printed on the same style stationary as the invitations. Cas could not help but think that Kitty was certainly well planned and thorough. He was a good sport and spent a great deal of the evening at the center of attention with pink cheeks, but it was a great party.

“Now this is the last game and I can see the staff has the s'mores station, the chocolate fountain and the knife for cutting the cake all ready. I was not sure if you were willing to share the names you have chosen or not. So if you don’t want too, that is okay.”

Cas looked to Dean who shrugged. They had not intended to keep it a secret, so they told Kitty to go on and play the game.

The whole idea was that people simply guessed what you would name a boy or a girl and then you revealed and explained the choices you made. The winner, if someone guessed right, got a prize. The prizes had been fantastic all night so people wanted to win.

There were lots of guesses that were way off but some were smart and guessed family names or names from literature. But none guessed correctly.

Cas revealed the names and why they had chosen them. “Well, I am a librarian to the core,” He began amidst the whoops and hollers of the crew from the library. “What are some of your guesses?”

Guests shouted out names from various literature, eventually teasing him with one of his favorite authors, Kevin Henkes, whose characters were all mice.

“Oliver”

“Alice”

“Owen”

“Chrysanthemum”

“No, Delphinium!”

“That’s enough from the library crew,” he chastised playfully. “I have read a lot of books and fallen in love with a lot of characters. One of my favorite children’s series ever is Frances the badger. You may have heard of them, Bread and Jam for Frances, Bedtime for Frances, A Bargain for Frances, etcetera...Anyway, we chose the name Frances as the middle name for either a boy or a girl, just changing the spelling as needed.”

Everyone clapped in response and Cas was relieved.

“Now for a boy, we chose something a little different, off the beaten path. But Dean and I talked about it a lot and we wanted his name, if it’s a him, to kind of capture the time in which he was born. Dean and I have been together since the ninth grade.”  Cas paused, choked up a bit and the crowd  awwwwed at the statement. Dean rubbed his back and smiled fondly at him.

“We raised Dean’s younger brother together and under difficult circumstances at times. When Sam graduated from law school, we began _our_ adventure together. Dean is an unbelievable big brother, a wonderful husband and I know he will be a great father. I have seen him do it once already, far too young but taking the responsibility seriously. So anyway...our road has been bumpy but we are in control now and that reminds me of a great character who came through a hardship himself. If we have a boy, he will be Huckleberry Frances Winchester.”

The place erupted and Kitty grabbed Cas in a huge hug. “What an incredibly perfect choice. Oh sweet Jesus, I do love a little girl, but to have a Huckleberry would thrill me.”

Shouts of “Girl, girl, girl,” settled the room down quickly.

“Now for a girl, there were so many good stories I had read as well. But I have always loved the Little House Series. I listed all the characters I admired in those books and talked with Dean at length and in the end there was a tie. . Ma was such a supporter of Pa’s need for the wild and an adventure, yet Laura was a little Pa and I want a girl, if we have one, to be Dean’s little half pint.”

The room went quiet with soft sounds of appreciation. The Dean chimed in.

“But then I said to Cas, You’re always telling me how much of Pa’s crap Ma put up with...She was always just what he needed, Like Cas is to me. Not that I am implying Cas is a pioneer wife or anything. Ma was a good person and was dedicated and true and hardworking and adaptable. So is Cas and I would love a baby with his personality and convictions.”

There was no longer a dry eye in the place and Cas announced. “We decided that if we have a girl, Caroline Frances would suit her well.”

Dean spoke over the crowd. “So there you have it, Huckleberry Francis Winchester or Caroline Frances Winchester. Any winners?”

No one had guessed and the evening went on as they cut the cake and enjoyed the dessert stations.

When Cas was stuffed with s'mores and chocolate fountain, Kitty sat them both in chairs and they began to open gifts. They had registered at the base exchange which had a rather large baby center and online stock. Cas did not even consider registering until Kitty insisted, citing he would get a bunch of crap that he did not want if he didn’t. Now he knew why she had done so.

There was a jogging stroller from Gabe that they opened first. Cas was thrilled to have it. Next they opened a car seat from Gilda and Charlie and a stuffed fox from Willow. After a while the gifts began to blur together. There was a swing covered in woodland animals, a bright green bassinet, and a baby bathtub that collapsed.

Kitty had gotten Cas the medela pump he had chosen. The girls at the library had gotten all the accessories for storing the mild and bottles for feeding.

Someone had made a diaper cake in the theme of the nursery and another gift was every johnson and johnson product that had been made for bathtime and diapering. Kitty had requested that everyone bring a package of diapers as part of their gift, so there were piles of wrapped diapers.

The guys, and Charlie, from Dean's squadron had put together a Daddy Survival Kit in a paint can. It was full of all sorts of things dean might need when Cas was in labor from snacks to a 5 hour energy drink. It was a fun gift that made everyone laugh, but Cas could see that Dean was touched, yet playing it cool. 

There were mounds of onsies for layering, nightgowns for the first few weeks, comfy outfits for a bit later and burp cloths, swaddlers, bath towels, a first aid kit...you name it, they got it. There were even toys and the high chair that they never thought anyone would get. The generosity of their friends was astounding. It was also a little overwhelming.

It turned out that the got everything on the registry. Everything.  Kitty explained that Sam had called her. He and Jessica bought everything on the registry that had not been claimed. She gave them the card that went along with their gifts.

Cas and Dean read it and then held onto each other for a few minutes, in tears. The card had a bank book for a college fund Sam and Jess had started, it was just waiting for a name.

The night ended with everyone taking a plant off the table and a bag of woodland creature cookies that Gabe had made and overnighted from his bakery in Kansas. They were adorable.

Cas and Dean called both of their brothers as the night wound down to say thank you. It had been a wonderful evening and second best surprise Cas had ever gotten. The first one was in his belly, kicking Dean’s hand.

 

*****

Dean and Cas spent the weekend, just the two of them, taking care of all the gifts from the shower. He thought Cas might have been tired, but he was raring to go and plowed through washing and folding all the baby things, while Dean assembled all of the items that came in boxes.

In between projects, they took Cas’ two required rest times and practiced Cas’ hypno breathing techniques. It was a productive weekend, but by Sunday evening, Dean thought Cas was looking a little drawn. He found him upstairs in the nursery, quietly going through all the cabinets and drawers, smoothing things and fussing over piles he had painstakingly put away earlier. Cas was organized and ready, but somehow he looked unsettled.

“Babe, you okay in here?” Dean asked cautiously, leaning in the doorway.

He startled a bit when Dean spoke but answered, “Yeah...yeah, just looking at all the sweet things we got.” Dean swore he heard a sniffle when Cas first spoke.

“I finished the bassinet, it was really simple. Do you want to leave it in the living room for now?”

“Sure, sound good. We will want it down there when the baby comes home and you can carry it up at night, I guess.”

Dean walked over to Cas and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into his embrace. Cas relaxed and leaned his head back onto Dean’s shoulder. He covered Dean’s hands on his belly with his own. Dean swayed them back and forth in an easy rocking motion.

“Tired?” Dean asked trying to gauge his heavily pregnant husband’s mood.

“No, actually I just brought up the last of the washed things and rearranged this cabinet, the closet and the drawers. It’ more like the opposite, like I need to crawl out of my skin. I’m fighting the urge to vacuum because I just did it yesterday.”

“You want some tea...maybe watch a little TV and then go to bed? Henrikson told me to just come in after the appointment tomorrow, so we can sleep in together,” Dean said as he smoothed his hands up and down Cas’ back.

“Yeah, why don’t we...maybe I need a break.”

“That’s it Daddy, little snuggle time will do us both some good. Soon we’ll have an extra cuddler in the pile, huh?”

Cas pulled the tea bags out of the cabinet as Dean filled the kettle on the stove. Cas had taken to drinking so much tea they had invested in decent one with a whistle. The next thing he knew, Cas had the whole cabinet emptied on the counter and was checking coffee and tea expirations and reorganizing all the coffee mugs. The kettle had long gone off before Cas was done.

“Well, that is done, but I now I better check the dates in the pantry, just in case,” Cas said matter of factly, ignoring, maybe not even seeing Dean’s hand offering him the mug of tea. Dean just set it down and assisted Cas who seemed to develop a master plan for reorganizing the pantry. Cas pointed and moved small things, Dean handled the grunt work.

Finally, with reheated tea, Dean convinced Cas to settle on the couch and watch an episode of Forged in Fire they had missed last week. Dean could feel Cas nodding off but said nothing for fear of him getting up to find another closet to clean. When Cas was almost asleep, Dean made his move.

“Hey, Babe...I’m beat, mind if we go to bed now?”

“Sure, no problem,” Cas had answered with a yawn.

They went through their routine in the bathroom and then began the process of _pillowing_ up Cas.

Cas would decide which side he wanted to sleep on, usually the left, and then Dean would just start tucking pillows. The first one was for his head, the second between his knees, then under his belly, and finally behind his back. Dean curled  in as close as he could and wished as hard as he could that Cas could fall asleep. Inevitably, though, Cas would toss and turn and apologize and Dean would stuff pillows. He was patient, he knew Cas hurt at night..

They must have dozed off because eventually, something woke Dean. It was Cas...cleaning the bathroom. Dean found him wearing purple cleaning gloves, scrubbing the floor around the toilet and from the looks of the room and the smell, Cas had already cleaned the entire bathroom.  

“Babe, what the hell? It’s like three am...what are you doing on your hands and knees in the bathroom?”

“Oh, I missed the toilet when I peed, so I cleaned it up and then just kept finding dirty spots and it is _really_ gross down here, so…”

“Come on Cas, back to bed. The bathroom is sterile now,” Dean insisted.

He helped Cas to his feet and it was a bit of a struggle. He took the gloves and the toothbrush and made cas wash his hands. Soon he had him back in bed, surrounded by pillows and staring at the ceiling. He finally got him to sleep by singing the Disney lullaby and stroking his fingers through Cas’ hair.

They were both a little tired at Cas’ appointment in the morning, but at least Gilda had an explanation.

“It’s nesting, Cas. You have an instinct to get ready for the baby. It’s fine. You won’t be able to resist the urge, believe me. I nested terribly with Willow. You’ll sleep when you are tired.”

Dean was still concerned. “So it’s okay for him to be up at all hours cleaning? That’s ridiculous.”

Cas rolled his eyes at Dean but didn’t say anything. Dean could tell he was a little annoyed at the worry.

“It is not even an issue, but...and I almost never make predictions like this for my patients. I hate to even suggest it, but it’s my gut feeling, and my gut is rarely wrong.”  
  
“What?” Cas asked, eyes big with curiosity.

Gilda patted his knee. Cas was still sitting pantless on the exam table, with the sheet wrapped around his waist.

“I just have this feeling that you are not going to make it to your due date. I know you have family coming near your due date for the birth. I also realize that you have three weeks to go but, if it were me...I’d call my family and have them come early. Like next week early.”

“Really?” Cas and Dean both asked at the same time.

“Hon, you are another centimeter dilated to 3, plus almost 60% effaced. You have contractions here and there every day. I think those are going to become more regular and soon you will find yourself in labor.”

Dean smiled and Cas smiled back. The Dean watched as panic spread over Cas face and his eyes welled up.

“Cas? Babe, it’s okay. We’ll call Gabe and Sam and tell them what Gilda thinks.” That statement seemed to make something worse and Cas burst into tears. “ Don’t cry sweetheart. It’s a good thing to be closer, it means we get to see the baby soon, right?”

Gilda who was rubbing Cas’ back, chimed in. “That’s right! The sooner you go into labor the sooner you’ll meet your little Caroline or Huckleberry.”

To Dean’s surprise, Cas turned off the tears like a faucet. “Help me get dressed Dean, we have to call our brothers, and the TLF, and then I am scrubbing the hell out of the fridge. I saw crumbs in the butter bin this morning.”

Excited at the prospect of seeing their baby early, Dean helped Cas off the table and into his clothes. He could not help but think that it was going to be a long three weeks if Cas did make it to his actual due date.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love to plan a good party...


	11. The Hits Keep on Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe arrives early in anticipation of Cas delivering early. Dean helps Cas through another unexpected bump in the road and adorable children's books are discussed by the least likely candidate...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have not read Kevin Henkes books about his little mouse characters, you should. Chrysanthemum and Lilly's Purple Plastic Purse are two of my favorites.

Over the next few days, Cas became more and more uncomfortable. Dean did his best to help, but he needed to save his leave for when the baby came. He had put in for two weeks and wanted all of it to help Cas get back on his feet and to bond with the baby himself. It wasn’t ideal, but it was the best they could do unless they wanted to go without pay.

In the meantime, Gabe was changing his plans and organizing his staff at the bakery so he could fly in early. Rumor was he and his right hand baker, Kali, were a thing now and he was leaving the place in good hands. Sam and Jess were co counsel in a trial which was supposed to be done in time for Cas’ due date. They hoped it would end early, but if Cas went into labor in the next few days, they would miss the birth. Still, the family would be together to meet the new baby, just not the day he or she was born. They all kept their fingers crossed.

The night before Gabe’s new flight into Virginia, Cas was so crampy and miserable that he hardly slept at all. When he did not sleep he cried easily. When he cried easily he got angry at himself. It was a cycle that Dean hated, mostly because of what he saw Cas go through when it happened.

“I need space today, Dean. I don’t want to bitch at you and I sure as hell don’t want to cry,” he said shortly but without directing any anger. He stood in front of the Keurig that Sam and Jess had gotten them for Christmas. “And I’m having a fucking cup of coffee...decaf but with a shit load of cream and sugar.”

Dean figured it was late enough in the pregnancy that a little coffee wouldn’t hurt the baby. “Help yourself, Cas, you’ve been so good for so long. You deserve it.”

Cas disappeared after pushing the flashing button, waddling off to the pantry. When the brewing stopped Dean thought he heard Cas blowing his nose...still in the pantry. Dean went to see and found Cas standing in the corner of the small room of shelves, facing away from the door and crying. _Shit_. Catch 22, here we go. Say something and he didn’t give Cas space. Don’t say anything, be an ass who didn’t offer comfort. At least that is how Dean, himself thought of it.

He threw caution to the wind and cleared his throat before entering the enclosed space, arms outstretched to his husband. Thankfully, Cas waddled into them and buried his face in Dean’s neck. Dean didn’t say anything, he just held Cas tight.

“I’m okay, Sweetheart. I just slept so shitty and you know how I get, plus now I get to send you off to work having had no sleep either. I’m sorry I kept us up all night. Thankyou for loving me anyway.”

Dean laughed when Cas finished.  “Babe, come on. How could I not love you? Seriously… Plus, you think this is not sleeping? I think we’ve got it made now compared to when the baby comes, Honey.”

Cas sighed against Dean’s chest and he rubbed the swayed back of his very pregnant husband. “Come on, Cas. Let’s get your coffee.”

“Will you put the kettle on so I can make tea instead?” Cas asked righting himself and pausing until he was balanced.

“Sure, Babe. Can I get you anything else? Eggs, maybe?”

“Maybe some yogurt and granola instead. I have yoga later this morning.”

Dean just shook his head and filled the kettle. These last few days were such a struggle for his husband, and Cas...he was a trooper. Dean worried as he headed off to work, but Cas could call if he needed anything.

 

*****

It was a heartfelt reunion of two brothers when Gabe appeared in the baggage claim. Cas insisted on going with Dean to pick him up despite the fact that he’d had a few contractions in the few hours before and it was almost bedtime. They walked slowly to the car, Gabe offering Cas his arm for support. Dean thought Cas seemed more relaxed already. He didn’t call Gabe every day or even every week, but Dean knew that Gabe was a comfort to Cas.

They picked up a pizza on the way home and finished it between them when they got to the house. Cas showed Gabe the nursery and all the baby things before giving in and agreeing to go to bed. Gabe was going to crash on the couch until Sam and Jess got there and then they would share a suite at the TLF where Dean and Cas had lived before they got their housing.

Cas was in bed and Dean helped him get a pillow everywhere he needed one before crawling in to crash beside him. Cas settled fairly easily and was asleep before long. No sleep the night before and no sleep at naptime was apparently the cure for a restless pregnant man.

Dean must have dozed off because he was dreaming. It was warm and there was water, he could feel it flooding against his leg...the beach, must be the beach…

He startled awake when something moved next to him. Cas, Cas moved. Cas groaned. Dean sat upright to find Cas wide eyed and horrified. Cas’ water must have broken.

“Dean,” Cas whimpered, voice cracked and on the verge of crying.

“I’m here, Honey. Do you hurt, are you in pain?” Then something hit Dean’s nose, an odor... _urine_. Cas must have wet the bed in his sleep.

Deans heart broke, this would wound Cas for sure. He kicked into supportive husband mode and knelt up to place both hands on Cas’ face. He connected their eyes and spoke softly to Cas.

“It’s alright, Cas. It’s alright. If you are okay and not hurt, everything is alright. Are you sick or hurt?”

Cas shook his head, silent tears dropping down his cheeks.

“Okay, then. A quick clean up and we are back to bed. It’s only two thirty, lots of time for sleep yet.”

He took stock of the situation and flipped on the lamp from his bedside table. Cas was soaked, shirt, pants, everything. Dean’s sleep pants were wet, and the hem of his tshirt. He stripped immediately leaving all the clothes on the bed and nodded to Cas as he carefully pulled Cas’ shirt up and over his face without getting anything on him. He pushed the sleep pants and boxers down Cas’ thighs and removed them one leg at a time depositing them in the mess of bedding.

Dean helped Cas off the bed and into the bathroom, starting the shower and helping him step over the lip of the tub. He pulled Cas close and held him. Cas did better than he thought and did not cry anymore. Dean scrubbed them both clean and shut the water off.

“Your brother is going to think I’ve had my way with you, you know…” Dean said trying to lighten the mood. Big mistake.

Cas covered his face in horror. “Don’t tell him...please…”

“I would never, sweetheart, never. Cas it’s not a big deal. You were exhausted and finally asleep and with the baby on your bladder like that, I am surprised it hasn’t happened before now. Don’t make it into a big deal, okay. It’s just you and me, okay.” Dean searched Cas eyes for understanding. 

Dean toweled Cas off and helped him get dressed. He threw on a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt before walking Cas over to the nursery and lowering him into the rocker.

“Sit here and rock a bit while I make the bed. I love you, Babe. I’ll just be a minute.” He kissed Cas soundly and left to clean up the mess in the bedroom.

He pulled all the dirty bedding into a pile and walked it downstairs. Luckily they had just put on a waterproof mattress cover in case Cas’ water broke at night and for when the baby came, as a precaution if Cas bled through after the birth.  

He had started the washer when he heard padding behind him.

“What’s up with the Daddy?”

“Actually he is going to be DaDa and I am going to be Daddy. He hated Papa and says DaDa sounds like Mama.”

“Okay, what’s up with DaDa? He okay, I heard the shower, or is it not something I want to know?”

“He doesn’t want me to tell you but I know you won't mention it. He wet the bed in his sleep and he is mortified.”

“Baby Bro…”

“Yeah. Please don’t let him know I said anything. He’s a little fragile and don’t you dare tell him I said that. He’s okay physically, but he is worried and he gets upset easily.”

Gabe made a motion like he locked his lips. “Not a word. Get him back to bed, I’ll take care of this. He won’t hear a thing.”

“Thanks, Gabe.”

“Nah, thank you for lovin’ my baby brother so much. You’ve always been very good to him. Don’t think I never noticed. He’s lucky to have you.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thank you...for telling me that.”

“Shut up and give me a big pee hug.”

“I showered...I’m not an animal,” Dean objected but hugged his brother in law anyway. He let Gabe give him a few pats before letting go.

He made short work of the bed and went back to the nursery for Cas. He was rocking with his head back against the cushion and breathing methodically. Dean knelt in front of Cas between his knees. Cas slowly lifted his head and lowered his gaze to Dean.

“I’m sorry, Dean,” he said sadly, though without tears.

“Nothing to worry about, Babe. I told you, you’re exhausted and were in a deep sleep for once.”

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas chastely, but not too chastely. He gave the kiss just enough heat to keep Cas from thinking he felt pity for him. Cas would not want pity.

“Talk to me, Cas.” Dean said, resting their foreheads together and and hand on each thigh.

“I just feel so torn. Half of me is so excited. I mean, we are about to meet our baby. Dean...we are having a baby and I am so happy and thrilled, you know?”

“Yeah, I totally know. It’s awesome,” he answered unable to suppress a huge smile.

Cas looked at him with fondness and such love but at the same time with something like a mix of fear or concern. Dean wrapped his hands around the back of Cas’ neck and stroked his thumbs across Cas’ cheeks, soothingly.

“It’s okay, Hon, tell me the rest. It’s me...it’s us...just say it.”

“Well, the other half of the time I am so tired of all the aches and pains, but I know it’s early. I’m tired of shit like this, like tonight. I’m a grown man  and I cry every time I turn around and I wet the bed. Dean....I wet the bed.” Cas shook his head sadly as he spoke, his voice forlorn. “I’m tired, and I just want to be done, but I don’t want to have the baby born too early either.”

"Today was a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better.”

Cas smiled. “Why Mr. Winchester, are you quoting one of my favorite authors?”

“You’ve read Chrysanthemum so many times, I was bound to learn something from it, Babe. I love that little mouse. She is so happy. And that Mr. Slinger. Great teacher.”

“Dean, Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse is the story you quoted, not Chrysanthemum. Mr. Slinger takes Lilly’s purse when she distracts the class.”

“You mean like I just distracted you?”

Cas’ look of surprise was priceless. Dean took Cas back, to bed, tucking him into the clean sheets. They only had the pillows for their head. The rest needed to be cleaned and were downstairs. Cas was so tired he just curled into Dean. He kissed Cas’ forehead and held him close.

“I do really love that mouse, Chrysanthemum...she is adorable and when the music teacher names her baby that, too... those other little bitchy mice are all so jealous. I’m always so proud of her....” Dean just kept talking until Cas’ nods stopped and he heard soft snores. He closed his own eyes and let himself slip back into sleep as well.

In the morning, no one mentioned the activities of the night before and Cas seemed fine as Dean left for work. He got a call around lunchtime and he and Benny met Cas and Gabe to grab something to eat at the base exchange. It was fast food, but Dean figured Cas deserved a little treat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who knew how much Dean loved Chrysanthemum? Or that he was actually listening to the stories about little mice?


	12. The Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins With a Single Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas' discomfort grows and he and Dean try to prepare for the fact that Cas may be in labor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins people...the moment we have all been waiting for...only if you know me, you know it won't be so quick...hang on for the ride...
> 
> Not a great deal of editing...long week at school last week and the weekend is never long enough, ya feel??

March 5th was a momentous day for the Winchester household. First and foremost, Cas was officially declared 37 weeks by Gilda at his weekly prenatal check. Cas and Dean completed their four hour newborn care class, a true feat after Dean’s 12 hour shift that day. Lastly, Sam and Jess had won their client’s innocence and were packing for a six am flight the next morning.

The 37th week was significant in male omegas. It marked a safety point for a healthy birth with no need to worry about lung strength or development. It was no longer an early labor or birth, it could just happen. That was lucky for Cas who had contracted several times during the newborn care class.

The class itself had been very helpful minus the part where Dean announced his concern about tiny vaginas.

“Cas I am _not_ trying to make a scene. Ma’am, I apologize, but it’s true. If we have a girl it will be the first vagina either of us have dealt with and I want us to be sure we know what to do. Those are the facts.”

Cas laughed so hard, along with the rest of the class, at Dean’s beet red face and serious concern, that he thought he might have to excuse himself to the bathroom. It was both embarrassing and darling, much like Dean was most of the time. Dean paid very close attention at the wiping front to back part of the class workbook. He complained when the babies were not anatomically correct, so he could “learn to wipe proficiently.”

“At this point, Sweetheart, you’ve shifted our odds in favor of a boy by at least 10 to 1 anyway, so quit complaining,” Cas claimed with a chuckle. “I’m pretty sure you’ve jinxed us out of a girl.”

Once Dean got past _that_ tremendous hurdle, he still took copious notes, but he was less intense. They covered bathing, obviously diapering, clothing, comforting, learning to define different cries, how to decide if they are sick, and safety. Cas thought he would have to do a take down again during safety, but Dean managed to pull it together in time. Tired Dean was an anxious Dean, apparently.

The last hour was a more intense class in breastfeeding. Their childbirth classes had covered breastfeeding in one of the two hour sessions, but Cas wanted to take this last hour to be sure he was ready. They realized they were missing a few items and before heading home, they hit target to pick up a breastfeeding boppi pillow which had a forest animal themed cover. They got two of those so they could switch them out and wash them.

Cas did not quite have the need for a bra. He had maybe an A cup if anything at all. He’d always had well defined pecs anyway because he was in shape. However, from all they had learned, it didn’t matter the size, nursing breasts, male or female, needed physical support for comfort. So he went with a snug fitting tank. They were comfortable and convenient. He picked up five of those and another couple of boxes of the pads that he placed inside them with a gift card they had gotten at the shower.

They got home after ten and they were exhausted. Dean had worked a strange shift due to guys being on leave and also a stomach bug running through the squadron. He worked 4am to 4pm, grabbed a quick dinner that Gabe had made and then they had run off to their 5pm class.

Now they were home and beat. Dean did not have to go in until regular time at 7:30 but he needed to sleep before then. They said a quick goodnight to Gabe and headed upstairs. All of Cas’ pillows were clean from the incident the week before, so Dean was able to help Cas settle quickly. He tried to be still until he fell asleep, especially since Dean seemed to fall asleep so quickly.

 

*****

Cas thought his back was the source of the sensation at first, but he soon realized that he was stirring awake at a crampy discomfort in his abdomen. The first few were just that, achy, and he merely rocked a bit and dozed back off. Annoying, but not really painful or anything to wake Dean over. Eventually, his hand drifted below his enormous stomach in a desire to rub away the ache and that worked a few times, but it was getting harder to go back to sleep. He used some relaxation from yoga class to help with that. Finally, when even that did not help he called out to Dean.

“Dean. Sweetheart…”

Dean rolled over and put an arm around Cas’ waist. He nuzzled into the fluffy hair on the side of Cas’ head, asking, “What’s the matter, need to pee?”

The hiss Cas emitted brought Dean to fully awake. “Cas, Babe, you okay?”

Cas nodded and placed Dean’s hand low on his belly, showing him how to rub. The smile on his husband’s face immediately replaced with the concern from before was enough to let Cas know he got the message. Cas felt like this was it, he was in labor.

It was only just past five in the morning but Cas wanted to get up and take a shower, so Dean helped him. They showered together but quickly,  and Cas put on his most comfortable yoga pants and a tank. He wore just a roomy flannel over that so he didn’t feel too much pressure on his belly.

“Should I call Henrikson and let him know you’re in labor?”

Cas thought as he swayed his hips back and forth through another small contraction, trying to stay loose and relaxed. If he _wasn’t_ in labor and Dean called out it was a waste of a day of leave. Honestly, he was not in real pain yet.

“Why don’t we wait until seven. That gives us another hour to see if this really turns into anything. Okay?

“Sounds like a plan. What’s next?”

“I think I’ll check the baby bag to be sure we are all set there and then let’s go back to bed until we decide if this is real.”

“Good idea. If you are really in labor, snoozing between early contractions will be good, right?”

“Mhmm,” Cas agreed as they made their way to the nursery. Cas grabbed the baby bag and his bag from the closet. He sat in the rocker and Dean unzipped them both on the footstool in front of Cas. He had packed them meticulously, so he knew he had everything they needed. He just felt the irrepressible urge to check. When he found things in order, he had Dean zip them and he breathed through another small contraction.

He really only needed to breathe through the highest peak of the pain, but hypnobirth was about more than getting through the pain, it was about creating a calm space into which the baby could be born. It was to avoid all the things that scared Cas...shouting, frightened panic at the birth or need for invasive procedures or meds. It was why he had chosen the method in the first place.

They laid back down and Dean spooned behind him. Cas felt himself doze in and out and sometimes he woke in the middle of a pain, but Dean would reassure him and help him relax and breathe through it.

Dean must have fallen asleep at some point because Cas woke up in what was his first really painful contraction. He rolled to his hands and knees and the pain was intense enough that it was too late to breathe. It was enough that he straightened up to his knees in the middle of the bed and called out, rubbing briskly at his belly in an attempt to stop the pain.

“Dean! Dean, please...I’m uncomfortable,” he cried out.

Dean shot up to his side, eyes wide. It took him a second to be fully awake, but then he spoke to Cas. The first part came out as a shout before he must have realized it and got control of his voice.

“I”M HERE, I’m here, Babe. it’s alright. Take a deep breath and try to relax. Here we go, deep breath in and then out. There you go, good job…”

Cas grabbed Dean’s offered hand of support and held on tightly. When the pain ended, Cas looked must have looked as frightened as he felt. Dean spoke quietly.

“I’m gonna call Henrikson and then make you some tea, unless you’d rather have juice or something, okay?”

Cas just nodded, coming to terms with the fact that he’d had a contraction hard enough to scare him and it was just the early stages. Dean’s hands guided Cas back down so that his head was on the pillow and he was on his side. Cas let Dean lift his top leg and settle a pillow between his knees so his hips would not hurt.

“Cas, I want you to lay here and relax, start your hypno relaxation while I go downstairs. When I come back, I’ll have your birthing workbook and the laptop for your sessions.” Dean kissed him, soft and sweet. “You’re doing great, Babe. You got this.”

Only Cas didn’t think he did and it was evident when the next contraction came. He cried out for Dean who came running into the room with his arms full.

“Gabe will bring the tea in a minute. He’s up and gonna make some breakfast. Let me get your CD playing in the laptop, Hon.”

“Don’t want the CD, want you...please…” Cas begged as the cramping pain radiated through his lower abdomen. This was not what he was expecting, though to be honest he didn’t really know what to expect.

Dean dropped everything and lay on the bed facing him. Cas was grateful for the circles rubbed into his back, even though the pain was not there. It was comforting. He and Dean had always rubbed each other’s back like that. At Dean’s touch he felt himself relax just a bit and soon the pain ebbed away.

Cas felt the warmth of Dean surround him when the contraction was over. Dean held him tight and whispered in his ear.

“Babe, we need to have a plan of some sort. Do you want the CD for a while to help you get into the zone or do you want something else. The hypno book is right here and it says you should be in focus so that when the pain comes you are ready for it. Does that sound right?”

Suddenly, the reality of it all coursed through Cas and he gripped Dean tightly, fists full of Dean’s t shirt. He spoke in a whisper of his own, quiet enough so that maybe the baby wouldn’t hear.

“Can I tell you something? I mean without upsetting you?”

Dean pulled back, worry furrowing his brow. “Yeah, Babe...anything...you know that. What is it?”

“I was all gung ho on the hypnobirth, but now that the contractions are starting...now it all seems kind of foolish and I don’t think I can do it.”

Dean’s eyes full of worry turned to soft understanding as he processed what Cas had told him.

“Cas, I want you to listen to me. Can you do that? Can you listen to me for just a minute while I tell _you_ something?”

Dean’s voice was so soft and gentle, Cas just nodded. He trusted Dean and he needed Dean to help him. He was lost at the moment.

“Babe, you’re a runner, you run through pain every time you go out. You do yoga, and that takes focus and strength.  Not to mention, you’re always the calm one in situations. I think, right now, you’re scared and honestly I don’t blame you...but I think that you are going to be fine and while the contractions are far apart we are going to review some of this stuff. This hypno stuff is perfect for you, it suits you. You practiced it so well over the past month. Even Gilda thinks it’s right up your alley. Just give it a chance, alright? We’ll figure it out, together. Okay?”

Cas swallowed hard and knew that if Dean believed in him, it must be true. Cas did know how to run through pain, and he focused well during yoga, and he had really enjoyed the hypno exercises. Still it didn’t seem right to have a stanger coach him through the labor that would bring their child into the world.

“Okay, Dean. But I don’t want to hear the CD. I want to hear you. I want your voice.”

“You got it Sweetheart, we can do it,” Dean said, his voice breaking ever so slightly. He clutched Cas even closer and Cas felt safe and a little more sure than a few minutes ago.

They sat up in the bed, huddled close and reviewing the hypnobirthing workbook. Cas had written his mantra cards and his quick review cards and they went over them. He gave them to Dean to hold for safekeeping. They even practiced getting Cas to relax before the next contraction hit and when it did, Cas hardly even noticed it. He could tell it was happening, but it wasn’t sharp, it was dull.

“There you go, Babe...you did it...see?”

Cas kissed Dean soundly and carefully got up to go down stairs. Dean was right, he could do this. After all when it was all over their baby would be here. Certainly that was worth a little pain.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember thinking this about Lamaze class when I had my son and the pain got scary. Poor Cas...


	13. The Bravest Journeys are Never Taken Alone, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas readies to give birth to his and Dean's first child. The family reunites and supports him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have never really hypnobirthed, so I watched a few videos and made up the rest. I like to dwell on the details, so I hope you do too. Nothing too graphic yet..

Cas lit a few candles in between contractions. He was supposed to call them surges, but in most of the childbirth classes they had been referred to as just contractions and he wasn’t a hardcore _hypnobirther_ , yet anyway. Dean had reminded him of what he knew when he chose the method. He was able to focus through pain when necessary to accomplish a goal and of all the methods they had studied, this felt the most right.

The candles were calming lavender and he had even made a microwaveable lavender rice bag for the hospital where he could not burn his candles. He would talk with Dean and Gabe and then walk until the next pain came. He was able to find his quiet place and let the pain wash over him and down through his pelvis as he had practiced. He was actually feeling really zen despite the building contractions.

“So, Benny will pick up Sam and Jess and bring them wherever we are at 4:39 when they arrive. So far they are on time, “ Dean said writing notes on the whiteboard in the kitchen where Dean and Cas usually kept their weekly schedules for each other.

Cas stepped into the bathroom when the urge hit him, but he could still hear the conversation. He knew that his body would start to evacuate itself in preparation for the birth and he was not surprised that he had made two trips already.

“Were they able to get their flight changed to Newport News?” Gabe asked.

Dean answered, “Yep, all set and they are renting a car but Benny will help them get on base and settled in the TLF. We are lucky they had space and it is a suite like we originally reserved for you guys. You all set to move there, too? Not that we are kicking you out, but we might need the couch for Cas when he comes home and you’ll want a place to actually crash after the baby comes.”

“Absolutely. Actually, Benny is sending Andrea to get me checked in over there now, well in a little bit. Plus, she is going to take me to the commissary while the girls are in  school. I thought I would make some homemade chicken noodle since Cas likes it. Plus I am going to get some post baby things like ginger ale and Champagne. Just tell me what you guys want and I will have control of the food. No worries about take out or feeding people. Leave that to me.”

Cas came around the corner from the bathroom and only heard the end of the last bit due to flushing the toilet. He was relieved to not have to worry about food. He thanked Gabe.

“Thanks for that, Gabe. We _will_ let you worry about it. We like anything you make. It’s a big relief for me not to have to think about it.”

“Me, too,” Dean added. “Hey Hon, you okay?”

“Yeah, just went again, think my body is trying to get ready and make way, if you know what I mean.”

Dean pulled him into a hug. “You’re doing great, Cas...just so calm.”

They stayed there as a contraction came and Cas began to sway his hips and relax into Dean’s body. Dean absorbed the weight easily and swayed with him. Cas found he did not even need the CD with pre-recorded relaxation sessions that  had been using during their practices. He found, in fact, that all he needed was Dean.

Dean feathered his fingers in S patterns up Cas’ back, up his neck, over his ears and then down his arms. It had seemed so corny during class and practice, but now it worked so well during a contraction. Gilda had talked about the tingly sensation indicating endorphin release and now Cas knew exactly what she had meant.

With each sweep of Dean’s hands, Cas felt his body relax and do it’s job. He found himself listening to Dean and breathing deeply, instinctively breathing out longer than in, furthering his relaxation. When it ended, he leaned up for a kiss. Dean obliged him sweetly, with a soft kiss on his lips and then tender pecks on his eyelids and cheeks.

“Good job, Babe. You are so good at this hypno stuff, huh?”

Cas nodded and shrugged, then had the urge to visit the bathroom again. The crampy bathroom feeling was different than the contractions. He started to get worried that he had been so many times. When he finished this time, he asked Dean to call Gilda. He was leaning over his elbows on the kitchen counter, head in his hands,  fully preoccupied with relaxing through a contraction when Dean tried to hand him the phone.

“Here, Cas it’s Gilda. She wants to talk to you.”

Cas waved him off and tried to recover the pattern of his breathing. He cried out when he couldn’t, “Ahhh Deeean!

Dean ended the call and came to Cas’ side, rubbing firmly at the place where his hip met his butt. It was a counter pressure point they learned in class and it helped surprisingly well.

“That’s it, Cas, sorry, sweetie. I won’t distract you again. Breathe out to 10...that’s it.”

Cas actually had tears in his eyes on that pain. He was eager to talk to Gilda, for reassurance if for nothing else. His voice cracked a little as he spoke to Dean.

“Can you get her back on the phone, please?”

“I’ll do one better, she’s coming by to say hi,” Dean answered with a warm smile.

Cas couldn’t help the half sob as he asked, “Really? She is?”

It wasn’t that Cas wasn’t managing or that Dean wasn’t an excellent husband and supportive labor coach. That wasn’t why he needed to see Gilda. He just felt a little overwhelmed by the whole process and what was happening did not seem as concise or picturesque as the videos they had watched on hypnobirths. He wanted to talk with Gilda to be sure he was on track and that she thought he could actually handle it. It wasn’t like he had a mother to talk with.

“She’ll be here in a couple. Come out to the living room for a while, huh?” Dean encouraged with circle rubs to Cas’ back and a kiss to his temple. “You’re doing a great job, Hon. You really are. Remember, your body knows what to do. You just have to relax and let it...and you're doing that beautifully. They could make a movie from _your_ labor, like those ones we saw.”

Cas rolled his eyes, yet let himself be led to the couch for a while. Instead of sitting, he made Dean sit and he knelt on the floor with his forehead on Dean’s knees while another contraction did it’s work. Dean did more light finger massage and soon Cas was in a better rhythm. Maybe he was doing better than he thought.

Of course the moment he saw Gilda, he lost it anyway.

*****

Dean felt awful about breaking Cas’ focus when Gilda was on the phone. The contractions must have gotten pretty strong for Cas to cry out like that. Cas was so good at the breathing, it was hard for Dean to gauge how much pain he was actually experiencing. When he told Gilda what had happened, she offered to come by and see him.

Dean was pretty confident that he was helping Cas through the early part of his labor. However, when he saw the look of relief on his husband’s face at the news that his midwife was coming, Dean realized that Cas may have been struggling more than he thought.

Dean managed to get Cas to relax in the living room, with more light massage. It wasn’t long before he heard a soft knock and  then he saw Gilda. She smiled and waved as she made her way over.

Dean’s heart fell a little when Cas saw Gilda. First, his husband had smiled, relief in his eyes. Shortly after, his eyes filled with tears and he reached for her.

She held Cas as he cried for just a bit before talking to him at length and helping him through a few contractions. Dean knew it was silly, but he felt out of place when she was doing what Dean had been doing all day. He was about to leave the room to let Cas have time with his midwife when Cas reached out to him.

“It’s better when you do it, Dean. Can you do that tickle scratch on my neck?”

“Of course, Babe. I’m here,” Dean said as he knelt in front of Cas. As he feathered his fingertips up and down Cas’ neck, he felt torn.

On one hand, it felt so good that Cas wanted him. Seeing him with Gilda had made him jealous. Since high school, Dean and Cas had comforted each other best. He had never really seen Cas want to be comforted by someone else.

Yet, on the other hand, Dean would have given anything to have Cas not be in pain. That would even have included stepping aside if someone else could have helped him more than Dean could.

Dean let it go and focused on giving Cas what he needed while he concentrated on having their baby.

“There you go, you’ve got this, Babe. You can do it, just breathe slowly and deeply… Remember Cas, your body knows what to do, just let it work…”

“Fabulous, Dean,” Gilda whispered. “You’re just what he needs.”

“I wish he didn’t hurt at all,” Dean whispered almost to the point of just mouthing the words.

“He is very relaxed with you. He is not tense at all and I think he is progressing nicely. We’ll probably see you late this afternoon if stays this relaxed.”

Gilda headed back to work, but before she left, she made sure they remembered that she wanted them at the hospital when the pains were 8 minutes apart or if his water broke.

By noon Cas was very quiet except when he made the release sound of ahhhhhhhh on each exhale. Dean knew the pains were intense if that was happening. However, his water had not broken and his contractions were still a good twelve minutes apart.

Gabe brought Dean a bowl of soup and a sandwich and a smaller portion for Cas. Between the two of them, they got Cas to at least finish the broth of the soup.

“I don’t really want solids, I’m afraid it will go right through me. I’d love some tea and maybe more broth in a bit,” Cas explained just before shutting his eyes and beginning to sway his hips.

He stood in the living room cold cloth on the back of his neck, both hands pressed into his own lower back in that classic pregnant person stance, and breathed in and out, as Dean watched...amazed by his husband’s strength.

He came back, opening his eyes when the pain subsided and walked around the room for a while. After the next contraction, he placed himself in Dean’s arms.

“I want to go up to the nursery and the bedroom for a while. I don’t want to wear pants right now and I’m not ready to be down here half dressed just yet.”

“Sure, Babe. Can Gabe come up if he wants and bring things, or you ready for some quiet time?”

“No, sure, he can come up, just feels funny to be down here, oh shit, whooooooooo…”

Dean swayed back and forth with Cas in his arms and breathed with him at first, letting Cas go on when he was on track. Dean had made the mistake of breathing through a whole contraction and had nearly blacked out once. He did not do that again.

When it was over, Cas let go and made his way to the stairs. Dean followed behind and supported Cas as he climbed. Cas was still surprisingly strong, despite being in labor for over six hours.

Cas went right to the nursery and Dean gave him a minute to wander before joining him. Cas’ eyes were full of unshed tears, but there was no sadness.

“Baby’s coming, Dean. We are going to be parents today... at least I hope it’s today,” he chuckled, dislodging a tear or two. He wiped them away and Dean snuggled Cas as tightly as he dared.

“We _are_ , thanks to you...I’m so proud of you, Babe. You’re really brave and strong, you know that?”

“Don’t get me started with all your nice talk, hon.” They laughed and then Cas puttered around the nursery, removing the sheet they had placed over the made up crib. He breathed through another contraction after fluffing the bedding and arranging the little stuffed animals they had placed there as well.

He moved to the changing table and opened the package of newborn diapers stacking them on the shelf next to the container of wipes. He opened the inner seal on those and put them back closed. He opened the lid of the baby lotion just to smell it before placing it back in its place.

The shelf above the diapers contained stacks of neatly folded receiving blankets and the shelf below the changing area contained baskets, one full of bath towels and washcloths,  and one full of baby wash and shampoo.

Cas moved to the armoire and touched all the hanging nighties and folded onsie tshirts. Dean watched as he picked up tiny socks from basket on the shelf and then set them down. They had enough clothes for three newborns and the closet was full of other sizes as well. Dean could not imagine what would happen once they knew the gender of the baby.

Bracing himself on a shelf, Cas began to focus and breathe. Cas was making the soft release sounds now, pretty consistently. From what Dean remembered, that meant the pains were intensifying and he needed to keep an eye on him.

As Cas took his deep release breath, Dean slipped an arm around his waist and turned him towards their bedroom. He sat Cas on the edge of the bed and slipped his pants off. Cas audibly sighed and rubbed at the skin marked by the waistband.  Dean helped him lay on his side and at Cas’ request, slipped a pad into his underwear. They talked about it but Cas was sure it wasn’t his water, but just general discharge of clear mucous or whatever came out when a man was in labor.

Cas spent the next few hours in deep focused breathing. He changed positions from rocking on his hands and knees, to kneeling and leaning into Dean’s shoulder, to laying over a pillow with his rear in the air and his head low on the bed while Dean provided counter pressure to his hips. Cas concentrated on relaxing his pelvic floor and letting his muscles open his body for the birth. He imagined the pain washing over him like a wave and exiting from his pelvis.  

Dean read to Cas. He read _Bread and Jam for Frances_ , _Goodnight Moon, Brown Bear Brown Bear,_ and of course, _Chrysanthemum._ Cas smiled when Dean read, despite the pains that came and went.

Gabe provided lots of drinks and snacks, but only Dean ate. Cas drank, well sipped continuously, anything Gabe brought him. He gave him sugary peppermint tea, juice, ice water and even ginger ale.

Cas peed once an hour, just like Gilda told him. Dean was sure that because Cas was so relaxed and kept his bladder empty, he was progressing well.

Before either of them even realized it, Sam and Jess appeared at the bedroom door. It was an emotional reunion and no one seemed to notice or remember that Cas had no pants on.

Jess squealed, “Oh Gosh Cas, you are so beautiful. Look at you with your belly. I missed you.”

“Hi, Cas, doing alright? Looks like we got here just in time,” Sam added.

As if to answer to the timing, Cas got another contraction and began to close his eyes and fade to wherever let him relax. Dean motioned for them to stay quiet and helped Cas through another pain.

“Ahhhhhhhhh,” Cas breathed out quietly and calmly. It was not crying out, but a simple release of sound on the exhale.  He had been on his knees but sat back, his feet overlapping. He reached for Dean and then he reached for Jess, who looked so touched that she teared up.

He smiled when the contraction ended and pulled Jess into a warm embrace. “I missed you, too. But I am as big as a whale and ready to be done, let me tell you.”

Dean helped him step off the bed to greet Sam. “Thanks for coming, Sam. You guys _are_ just in time.”

“Are you kidding! There’s no way we’d miss our little niece or nephew being born,” answered as they hugged.

Cas waddled slowly to show them the nursery and then went to go down stairs.

“Babe?” Dean said as he pointed to Cas’ boxers.

Cas laughed, I guess the hypno works if you forget you don’t have on pants, huh?”

They all got a good laugh out of that and Dean offered Cas a pair of flannel pj pants. Carefully he stepped into them and pulled them up below his belly, rolling the waistband to hold them up.

“I don’t think I can really handle anything tight on my belly at this point,” he commented as he smoothed his tank over his stomach and straightened his flannel. Dean kissed him and they all headed down to the living room.

Gabe had made a pan of enchiladas and a salad while Cas had been laboring upstairs. They all grabbed a quick bite to eat while Cas labored on.  Dean carried his plate with him, as well as a mug of tea and a mug of broth from the soup Gabe had made. It was almost six in the evening. Sam and Jess had arrived on time and the airport was only twenty minutes away.

Benny came back and helped Sam and Jess move their things to the TLF. Gabe decided to go to and get ready for the inevitable trip to the hospital.

“Hang in there Cas, Darlin’. You’re looking mighty good, like you’re ready to have that baby soon.”

“Thank you, Benny. I am ready. _Very_ ready.”

Cas was going deeper into himself with each contraction and when their siblings had been gone almost forty minutes, Cas got sick. He managed to get to the kitchen sink before vomiting all the broth he had eaten.

“I think we need to go now,” Cas had said after Dean cleaned him up. “I think this means transition and I feel like I should be at the hospital for this part.”

The next contraction hit Cas and he was not ready.

“Ohhhhhhh, Deeean!” he cried out before vomiting again in the sink. “Yuck, that caught me off guard. Get me to the bathroom for a minute, please.”

Dean called Gabe while he and Cas walked to the bathroom, telling them it was time to go and they all needed to get back to the house. They arrived like the scene from a Three Stooges movie, flinging open the door and nearly falling over each other.  Dean laughed until Cas called out to him and until he saw the look of fear on Gabe’s face.

He went to Cas immediately. “Little brother... hey little brother, you okay?”

“I’m fine, Gabe. I’m fine, really. I’m ready to go though,” Cas hissed as another contraction came. Dean had been timing the contractions throughout the evening with a phone app.

“That one puts us at 8 minutes apart, anyway. Gabe, you stay with Cas. I’ll get the bags and a pair of yoga pants for Cas,” Dean directed.

It took a little convincing but soon Cas had on his yoga pants and sneakers. Dean helped him wash his face and brush his teeth as well. Cas changed the tank and flannel he had been wearing all day for a roomier t shirt and warm up jacket. It was chilly but not freezing outside.  Dean zipped Cas’ coat and then put on his own. Gabe would drive the Impala and Sam would follow in the rental with Jess.

They were about to head to the garage when Cas took Dean's hand and looked around the living room. “When we come back to the house, Dean...we’ll be dads and we’ll be holding our baby.”

Dean planted a sweet but messy kiss on Cas’ lips and they held each other for just a minute before heading to the car. It was time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it is a terrible place to end, I always try to write a one chapter birth but my brain will not let me...


	14. The Bravest Journeys are Never Taken Alone, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean meet their sweet baby...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make up stuff whenever it suits me, so do not fact check me, lol
> 
> This is fairly descriptive and a bit graphic at times...
> 
> Lots going on at work, so poorly edited. I will fix any glaring errors you find.

Cas may not have responded much when he was mid contraction, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t hear everything going on around him. The whole time he was leaning on Dean’s shoulder and breathing while Dean signed them into the labor and delivery unit at the Langley AFB hospital he could hear whispers and even louder comments. Nothing bad, but people were clearly curious.  If anything, the hypnosis gave him the focus to let him hear better than normal. 

“He’s here.”

“He’s got to be six feet, at least. I thought he’d be smaller, less muscular.”

“Who’s here?”

“The male carrier.”

“Really? I hope he’s my patient. I’ve never seen a male delivery outside of nursing school.”

“Did you see how adorable they are together? Him with the husband?”

“How old are all of you? Jesus, he’s a person, not a case.”

Cas let out his final breath and lifted his head. Dean kissed his cheek and rubbed his back. 

“Alright? No more nausea?” he asked softly. Their paperwork was all set, they were just waiting for a nurse to come walk them to a room. Gabe, Sam and Jess were parking the car and, Cas suspected, trying to give the new parents to be, some privacy. 

“I can hear them and I must be a novelty,” Cas answered, linking their fingers together. Luckily, Cas was no longer feeling sick. He did however feel bigger than ever, shaky on his feet and very uncomfortable. 

“You’re my novelty, Babe. They can kiss my ass,” Dean said quietly but protectively, adjusting the bags on his shoulder. “I’ll take care of it.”

“Don’t, Dean. These people have to help me,” Cas answered, gripping Dean’s hand tightly.

“No, no, Cas. I was just kidding. But they shouldn’t be talking about you.”

Gilda came around the corner at that moment with a nurse behind her. “Cas  _ is  _ quite the talk around the floor. The staff have been waiting for him to come. They are excited for the chance to deliver a carrier, they are pretty rare for us. It’s not personal, but they should be careful what they say.”

She spoke loud enough that nurses scattered from the station as Gilda introduced him to his nurse, a sweet looking redhead in bunny covered scrubs. “Cas, Dean, this is Anna. She will assist me with your birth. She just came on at seven this evening and the nurses who work with me do 12 hour shifts for consistency in care. So there is a good chance Anna will be with you the entire labor and delivery.”

“I’m very glad to meet you, Cas. How are you feeling?”

“Hello, I’m fine...ready to meet our baby, though.”

“I’m sure. Hello, Dean. Nice to meet you. Both of you follow me, we’ve got a great room for you and I already filled the tub in case you wanted to labor there.”

She asked about his labor up to that point and how far apart his contractions were all while she  pointed out things like the family waiting room, the non patient bathroom, the nurse’s station, the kitchen that held ice and lots of drinks. They stopped at an open door and she walked them in. 

“Two twenty two, good lucky number. This is your birthing room,” she announced as Cas went into another contraction.

Dean supported him and talked him through it, saying soft encouraging things in his calm voice. “That’s it, breathe in and breathe out...I got you, try to relax...doin’ great, Babe…”

Cas was shaky on his feet and when it was over, he told Dean, “I need to lay down or something. I’m a little light headed.”

Anna heard him and said, “Under one arm, please Dean and I’ll get the other one. Let’s get him to the bed and lay him down.”

She continued but redirected her comments to Cas, “I’m sorry to manhandle you so quickly without chatting more, but I don’t want you to fall. Are you dizzy in general or do you think it was from the breathing? Which by the way, you did very well.”

“I’m fine. I think it’s harder when I am standing with nothing to hold on to. Usually I hang on to the counter or a chair…I’m better now, just a little shaky.”

“Okay, that’s good. I’m just gonna get a pressure real quick, nothing to worry about. Sometimes you can cause yourself to hyperventilate and you don’t even know it.”

Anna stopped talking as she applied the cuff and took his blood pressure. It squeezed and Cas could practically feel his blood pressure climb, but Anna smiled when it was done and released the cuff. 

“You’re in good shape aren’t you? Do you run?” she asked genuinely.

“I did until I fell at about 7 months or so and then I started yoga,” Cas answered as he took in the neat and concise room. The bed was in the center of the wall and there was a small sofa and table and chairs opposite. There was a free standing tub on one side of the bed and a baby warmer on the other. Cas had not really considered a tub labor or delivery, but he guessed it would be an option now. It hit him...this was where he would meet his baby.

“You’re gonna be happy that you stayed in such good shape. You should deliver pretty easily. I’m not supposed to say that, so don’t tell Gilda. Okay? But I’ve been doing this long enough to tell when moms and dads won’t take too long to have their babies. It’s almost eight and I bet you’ll deliver between midnight and two. Let’s go over your birth plan and then we’ll check you in, how’s that?”

Cas nodded. She was sweet and seemed very knowledgeable, which was comforting. They went over the plan that he and Dean had made with Gilda. The gist of it was calm, quiet conversation, lowered lights and hypnobirth techniques instead of meds. He wanted no episiotomy if it could be helped and he was going to try nursing. He was confident when they had made the plan, but now he was unsure of it all. At least so far he’d been successful with the breathing. 

“Okay, let’s get you into a gown, or you can wear your own clothes but no bottoms and keep covered with a sheet. But I’ve got to get your weight, a urine sample, a temp, and a cervical check. That’s the next order of business.”

Dean was a saint. He was so good to Cas, who elected to stay in his own shirt with a robe from Anna. Everything had gone well until the cervical check. Cas had nearly leapt off the bed to the ceiling. Anna was very gentle but Cas was raw and sore. Dean finally helped him breathe through it, though a few tears were shed.

Anna was very sympathetic. “I’m sorry, Cas. I know that was rough. Good news is you are already seven centimeters. You are in great control. Your contractions must be intense by now to be that dilated.”

“Wow, Babe! Seven already. Good work, Hon.”

“Thanks, but we are not done and whoooo, here we go….”

“Okay, breathe...that’s it…” Dean encouraged Cas with more light massage and his calm voice. 

“Ohhhhhhhhhh...hmmmmmm….”

“Hang in there, Babe, in 2, 3, 4 out 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...good, again….that’s it, focus...good, job, Cas...you got it...almost done...there you go…”

Cas felt sweat beading on his forehead by the end of the contraction and Dean asked for a towel. Dean wiped his brow and kissed him gently. This was it, it was going to get tough and Cas was so glad to have Dean. He would take good care of him. 

“Thank you, Dean. My mouth is dry. Could I have a drink?”

“Sure Babe.”

Anna interjected. “I’ll get you some water and would you like some ginger ale or juice?”

“Anything is fine, thank you, Anna,” Cas answered, gearing up for the next building contraction. 

Cas asked to stand up, he felt odd with this contraction. Dean and Anna helped him to his feet. Suddenly they were all aware of why he felt odd. The minute he stood on his feet, gravity broke his water and a flood of amniotic fluid splashed everywhere. 

“Oh God! Deeeean? Whoooo, whoooooo…”

“Jesus, Cas...Babe?”

Anna reassured them. “It’s alright, Cas. Your water broke. It’s okay. Hang on so you don’t slip. Dean hit that call button behind you. Please, the red and white cross button.”

Dean hit is and soon a voice came over it. “Can I help you?”

“It’s Anna in 222, Mr. Winchester’s water broke. Luckily it is clear fluid, so good for baby but both daddies and I are standing in the puddle. We need towels and extra hands please.”

“Be right there Anna.”

“I’m so sorry, Anna. I didn’t know that was going to happen,” Cas apologized. He knew it was part of the process, but it was embarrassing anyway. 

“No, no. Don’t you worry about a thing, sweetie. This is good. Clear fluid means the baby is tolerating labor well and now the fun really starts. You should really start to progress now.”

Lots of nurses and towels showed up and soon Cas was back on the bed. He felt a relief of pressure when his water broke, just a little relief in his backside, but the contractions intensified exponentially. They jumped to about 5 minutes apart and were long and intense. He could no longer talk in between pains and at the peak of each one he called out to Dean.

“Deeeean...Please!”

“I know, I’m so sorry, Cas. Try to breathe, Sweetheart. Stay quiet if you can and focus, totally focus on the count. Do you want me to count every time?”

“Please, all the way to the end. Your voice is nice...I need it.”

Cas was curled up around his belly and doing his damndest to breathe. He could hear people talking around him. He knew Gilda was there. Things had escalated quickly. Dean had tried the lavender rice bag and the tennis ball in the small of Cas’ back, to no avail. He had a handful of cloth, he thought it was Dean’s shirt but he wasn’t sure. Dean voice was soft and soothing, but he was hanging on by a thread. 

Gilda’s voice took prominence, “Cas I think you should try the tub for a bit. You’re so tense and I think the warm water would help you relax. What do you say?’

He was afraid to stop breathing to answer. He knew that if he stopped, he would be so far off for the next contraction that he would be out of control and he would yell. 

She tried again but he could not bring himself to answer or even consider the tub.  It was Dean who convinced him.

“Cas? Beautiful…?” Dean whispered into Cas’ ear. “Listen...You are doing great, but you are in more pain that you need to be. Let’s try the tub. Gilda swears the tub will help. Let’s go. I”ll help you. Okay?”

Cas let himself focus on Dean’s words and he nodded in response. It took three contractions. In between, Cas managed to get out that he wanted to change into one of the tanks he brought so he would not be naked in the tub. He wasn’t ready to be naked just yet.

They walked him to the tub and as he lowered himself into the warm water, the relief was nearly instant. He felt his muscles relax and he knelt against the edge of the tub, Anna gave him a towel for under his face. It was a good position and he passed the next several contractions, breathing with relative ease. 

Dean kept him sipping on drinks and he even felt himself smile after each contraction. Dean’s kisses may have helped there as well. Cas felt warmth in the middle of his back, radiating out and down and realized that it was Dean. Cas still knelt in the tub, arms crossed and under his head as it lay on the edge of the tub. He swayed his lower half back and forth rhythmically, while Dean poured cups of warm water between his shoulder blades. It felt heavenly, and reduced the tension immensely. 

Things went well like that for a while. Gabe, Sam, and Jess even came in for a minute to say hello and offer moral support. Around eleven things intensified again and Cas struggled to get comfortable in the tub. Anna, Gilda, and Dean discussed options with Cas.

“Do you want to get out of the tub, Babe? Try the bed again?”

He shook his head as the next contraction radiated from the top of his uterus down through his hips and low into his birth canal. He was suffering and trying to get a grip on the pain again. He managed to get his point across with gimme hands. He could tell Dean understood but wasn’t sure if it was alright. 

“You  _ can  _ get in with him, you know,” Gilda told Dean. “Is that what you want, Cas?”

Cas could not suppress his smile. He whispered between contractions, “Swim trunks in the bag.”

Dean looked at him incredulously when Cas told him where the trunks were. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you, ya know…”

Cas was not really able to do much besides focus, but he felt the second Dean entered the tub and touched him. He turned into Dean’s touch and melted into his arms. He settled naturally onto his side and against Dean’s bare chest. Cas was still in his tank shirt, but the warmth of Dean’s skin brought such comfort to him. 

Wave after wave of pain came and Dean cradled Cas through each one. He felt Dean’s fingers stroke through his hair as he rocked him gently in the water. When he thought he couldn’t make it through one more contraction Cas heard Dean’s voice, soft but strong.

“The day she was born was the happiest day in her parents’ lives. “She’s perfect,” said her mother. “Absolutely,” said her father. And she was. She was absolutely perfect.” 

Cas teared up as Dean began to read Chrysanthemum to him and still offered him drinks and shushed him through each contraction. It gave Cas the calm he needed to get through the worst of the labor. 

Soon Dean was coaching heavily, calmly...quietly, but heavily through close and long contractions. The pain now radiated from low is his pelvis and he swore it hurt all the way to the tips of his hair and all the way down to his toes. Cas made vocal release sounds through each one and Dean kissed him when each one ended. Cas began to feel pressure in his bottom and fought to relax and let his body work. He knew that Anna and Gilda were there, but it felt like just him and Dean. Just the two of them edging closer and closer to the precipice of birth. 

“Dean...feels funny. I’m pushing, I think…”

He heard Gilda. “I’m gonna check you, hon. Hang on.”

He felt someone lift his top leg and then he hissed as Gilda checked his cervix. “Oh boy, you are close, Cas. You’re gonna deliver here, soon.”

It was overwhelming, and Cas was emotional. “Dean!” 

“It's okay, Cas...I’m here. I’ve got you, alright. You’re doing so well. Just keep breathing and stay relaxed.”

Cas nodded and readjusted his head on Dean’s shoulder He also settled his foot on the floor of the tub, opening his hips and pelvis. He rocked that leg and rubbed his enormous belly blowing out to ten on every exhale. He could feel the sensation of the baby inching down his birth canal and the burning as the head reached his opening. 

Hypnobirth did not have the loud counting and laborious pushing of other methods. That was due in part to successful breathing and relaxation. If you did it properly, you could just let the baby pass from your body. Sometimes easy pushes were needed, but nothing like the dramatic scenes you saw on TV.

Dean had one arm around Cas, holding him to his chest and the other arm supported his knee, keeping his pelvis open. Cas reached down and felt between his legs. Gilda talked him through the sensations. 

“That’s the head up in there, hon. Each surge brings it down and a little closer before it kind of recedes back. If you want to give a gentle push with a relaxed bum, it will help.”

“Deean…” Cas gasped after his first push.

“Here, Babe, right here,” Dean answered. He felt Dean cradle his head and talk into his hair, the warmth spread as Dean spoke. 

Gilda was by the side of the tub and Anna was there as well. “Cas, this is it, you are doing incredible, just fantastic. Breathe and easy pushes when you feel like it. Anna, are we ready with the equipment?”

“Yes, Ma’am, we are. You guys are just wonderful together. You’re gonna have a baby soon…” Anna answered.

“Nnnnnghhhh,” Cas moaned. It had been another several contractions. He was feeling exhausted and yet so eager to see the baby.

“That’s great, Cas. Open your eyes and look down here. Feel the baby’s head with your fingers?”

“Yeah, need to push…”

“Push away, Cas. We’re here to help, but you’re in charge of what’s happening. Everything is good and you’re in great control,” Gilda told him. 

Cas had slowly turned onto his back and Dean was sort of holding him in his lap. Cas had both his legs pulled back. He held on behind his knees, supported by Dean and breathed and pushed each time he felt the urge. He could feel it was time. It burned when he pushed now. 

“Need this off,” he said, indicating the tank. He knew he wanted to hold the baby next to his skin. “It’s time...I can feel it.”

“Okay, Cas,” Gilda said. “Put your palm on the top of the baby’s head. Feel that? Let’s have a baby.”

“Come on Babe, let’s see this baby, huh?” Dean encouraged.

Cas breathed and sweated and pushed carefully. He pulled his knees back each time he contracted and shook with the effort. 

“Please…” Cas heard himself call out. He knew it was so close. He just needed to push one last time, just one more contraction.

“Cas, look down here and get ready. This next contraction will be it, I think.” Gilda told him.

Sure enough, one final contraction and firm push, and he felt the relief of the head being out.

“Ohhh, it’s out. I did it….Dean.”

“Oh Cas, good job, Babe.”

“No pushing, just breathing. Let the baby turn and then you can hold him or her,” GIlda directed.

Cas breathed, it was hard. He needed to push so badly. He could hear Dean telling him to breathe and he focused on his voice. 

“Reach down, Cas. Here, get your hands ready. Can we get a blanket ready, Anna?”

“Got it, right here. Here, Dean, we’ll each take a knee to help.””

GIlda assisted Cas as the baby emerged and Cas grunted a final push while lifting the baby to his chest. Immediately the baby wailed and pinked up. He heard Dean cry out as he spoke softly to the baby. 

"Hey, hey baby, hello sweet baby,” Cas cooed as he clutched the baby to his chest and cradled the tiny gooey head. 

“Cas, oh God, Cas...you did it Babe. You are so brave, holy shit. Is it a girl or a boy?”

Anna covered the baby with the blanket and began to rub the head gently with another towel. “Just don’t want to get a chill. You gonna look and see what you got there Daddy?”

Cas lifted the blanket and moved the baby to reveal what he needed to see. 

“Dean...it’s a girl, we have a girl…” Cas sobbed as the realization hit him. He and Dean were three now. They had a daughter. 

“A girl! Oh Cas I wanted a girl so bad. A sweet little girl. She’s so beautiful. Oh God, I love her...I love you, Babe."

"You did? You wanted a girl?" Cas asked.

"I did. I would have loved a boy, of course...but I really wanted a sweet baby girl. Can I ask a favor, Cas?”

Dean whispered in his ear and he nodded through his tears. Dean was a wonderful husband. Cas was so lucky.

“So do you want to say it or-”

“You say it Dean.”

“Okay, Cas. Hello little baby girl. Hello Caroline Chrysanthemum Winchester. We are your daddies and we love you.”

“Chrysanthemum? What happened to Frances?” Gilda asked.

Cas thought back to all the time Dean had read him the story of the little mouse while he labored at home and here in the tub. He reflected on Dean’s sweet whispered request to change her middle name and save Frances for another baby. It was the perfect thing to do. 

“It just suits her, it suits us...right Dean?”

“It sure does suit her, right my little mouse?”

The baby was covered in bloody birthing fluid, but she was a beautiful sweet baby girl. Caroline Chrysanthemum was indeed their little mouse. She had a petite, albeit squished looking face and a head of dark matted hair. 

They held her and wiped her down, calmly talking to her and counting all her fingers and toes until Cas began to contract again and delivered the placenta while holding her. 

He felt remarkably well after that and she even nursed a bit before Dean cut the cord and Anna took her for a quick check by the doctor. Gilda and another nurse helped Cas from the tub and into the shower for a quick cleanup. Dean was there as well and when they were both clean, Dean got dressed and Cas was given a fresh gown and a pair of hospital underwear with an absorbent pad. Cas was just settled back in bed when Anna returned with Caroline.

“She’s had her eye drops and her shot, though I left her naked under the blanket. I figured you’d want to hold her naked a while longer. You should nurse her, it will help your uterus to contract back down.” 

“Can someone get our family?” Cas requested as he unwrapped Caroline and unsnapped his gown to snuggle her on his bare chest. 

Dean helped him get her in the right position and Cas watched as his daughter latched on to his breast, content with the contact. Anna brought him a bottle of cold ginger ale with a straw. 

“Thank you, Anna. you were wonderful,” Cas said, grateful for the way she helped him.

“I was wonderful? You guys are the sweetest couple I have ever been lucky enough to help deliver. You are deeply connected. I was thoroughly impressed and thrilled to witness that, let me tell you.”

Cas’ eyes filled with tears at the warm words and he could hear Dean sniffling next to him. By the time Gabe, Jess and Sam came and met Caroline, there was not a dry eye in the room. 

Still, she was here and she was healthy and Cas was sure that Dean had his sweet little spunky mouse around whose finger he was already wrapped.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, what do you think????


	15. Absolutely Perfect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get Dean' perspective on the birth and the boys get to know Caroline as they all begin to recover from her arrival.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love the details of what happens when babies are born. I like the discoveries and the doting, so lots of that here, hope you enjoy. 
> 
> If you have not seen the video of the nurse washing the newborn's hair, go here and watch it. This is how I picture Anna interacting with Caroline while her parents watch.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Fi2bLmDW5w

Dean Winchester had always been a proud husband. Always. He had always been proud of Cas period. Since ninth grade when they met, Dean had been honored to have Cas at his side. He was kind, but not a pushover. He was generous and giving without letting others take advantage. There was no better husband and lover, not that Dean would know, but still he _knew_ it. There were simply not enough synonyms for proud that could do justice to how he felt about Cas as he watched him labor and give birth to Caroline.

Cas was pretty good with pain in general. He was a runner and Dean knew how much running could hurt. Dean hated to run. He did it when he needed to, but only to stay in the Air Force required shape. Nothing however, prepared Cas for the kind of pain he had been in during labor, Dean could tell. The early part had been tough, but holding Cas in his arms as he shook and breathed like a champ in that tub was a humbling experience for Dean. Dean knew that if _he_ had been the one laboring, he would have called for an epidural toot sweet.

Not Cas. He breathed and relaxed like an olympic level athlete, like those guys who have to control their body when they have been skiing and then shoot. He barely made any sounds that were out of control, whispering Dean’s name when it got bad and saying _please_ when it appeared it was at it’s worst.

Dean stopped apologizing to Cas at some point and just searched for things that he thought helped him stay calm and in control. He read Chrysanthemum about 100 times, in the end he had the majority of it memorized and just recited it. He wasn’t sure if it was for Cas or for himself but it seemed to help them both. When it was finally time, Cas just grunted a few times and lifted his own, their own, baby out of his body, through the water, and onto his chest. Just like that.

The second she was born, she was Dean’s little mouse. He fell for her harder than he had fallen for those little mouse books. He could not wait to read them to their baby. Now that she was here, he realized how incredibly tiny and petite she was and how much care she would really need and he felt compelled to ask Cas if they could change her middle name to Chrysanthemum, the little mouse in his favorite mouse story. Dean Winchester was in love with his little mouse, and her Dada. And he _cried_ at the joy of it. He let himself have it. He would let her know that she was _absolutely perfect_ every fucking day of her life.

Cas had been her champion as she was being born, but as her Daddy, Dean would be her champion forever. Okay, Cas would probably still be her tiger Dada champion, too. But Dean was never going to let her feel like he had felt as a child. She would have two daddies who took care of her and supported her in every way possible and she would never have to worry about acceptance or love or money...ever. He swore that too her the moment he first touched her.

Together, they held her against Cas’ chest. She found her own way to Cas’ nipple as they watched her nurse as Cas had a few more pains and delivered the placenta. Dean cut the cord when it stopped pulsing and of course sobbed as he did. She was both of their's and he knew that when she was in Cas’ belly. Still, there was something about that simple firm snip of the scissors that separated her from being mostly Cas’ to being theirs equally. There was not much for him to do before she was born, but now...oh,  now Dean could hold her and take care of her as much as Cas could and it felt wonderful. And a bit scary and overwhelming, but in a good way...if that was possible.

Cas seemed to come back to himself a bit after the pains stopped. The tub water was now kind of murky like in the birthing films, but somehow did not gross Dean out like it had then. He was more concerned about how Cas looked than the water, and Cas looked tired but good, and happy.  Cas shifted positions gingerly and handed Caroline to Dean. Holding her for the first time was magical. She was warm and a little slippery but she felt like theirs and that was all that mattered. She was a little squished looking, but she had big dark eyes, lots of dark hair matted down to her head and he thought she might have his nose and tiny bow shaped lips like his. She definitely had Cas hair and eyes.

They had been so in tune with each other, that neither Dean nor Cas had noticed the photographer in the room. When they stood out of the tub close together, holding and admiring their sweet girl, they heard the click of a digital camera.

Dean looked concerned but the man said, “Sam hired me. I documented the entire time you were here and I have to say that this is the most touching birth I have ever shot. And he also hired me to do a newborn shoot, so when everyone has had a little rest, we can talk about that.”

Dean and Cas had been told about the in hospital photography options, but they were private pay and honestly, they did not have the money. It had taken so much to get settled in their house and with the nursery that they had opted for the simple traditional picture package that they could afford. Dean offered to let them charge it, but Cas did not like to live on borrowed money and  they both agreed it was a slippery slope. Leave it to Sam to pick up the tab.

They begrudgingly relinquished Caroline to Anna so that the doctor could examine her and do the normal routine for newborns, and they sent the photographer with her. Dean and Cas needed to clean up quickly and get Cas into bed for some well deserved rest and a visit from their family. Gilda wrapped a sheet around them loosely and walked them carefully on a path of towels to the shower.

The warm water felt good to both of them. Dean gingerly and reverently washed Cas from head to toe and then passed him off to the nurse as he scrubbed himself and got dressed. Cas was settling in bed when Anna brought Caroline back and Dean helped him settle the sweet and still naked baby skin to skin on his chest. She had also invited their siblings in to meet their new niece. When Anna complimented them like the photographer had, Dean felt such gratitude that people saw how much they loved each other. By the time Sam, Jess, and Gabe were peeking in the door, everyone was crying.

Anna brought the form for the birth certificate and jotted down the information needed.

“Well, there we go. Little Miss Caroline Chrysanthemum Winchester. Female. Born to Castiel Shurley Winchester and Dean Winchester. March 7 at 1:46 am. 7 pounds 5 ounces and 21 inches long. Just sign here Cas. Then I sign and you’re all set. We send in the form and bingo, it comes to you in the mail.”

“Thank you, Anna,” Cas said as she finished.

“My pleasure, now think about what you want to eat. I’ll be back shortly to get you something, okay? Still feel alright, not lightheaded or anything?

“No, actually I feel great now that she’s here and there are no more contractions.”

“Good, you did really well. I’ll be right back”

Cas and Dean visited with Sam, Jess, and Gabe for a while. Cas and Dean were still a little possessive. Auntie Jess and the uncles all peeked at her but Cas kept her on his chest and they just stroked her back through the blanket and looked at her sweet face as she slept. They were all attentive to Cas as well, but clearly she was the star of the show.

Jess came in with her hands over her mouth looking like she couldn’t quite believe it had all happened. Sam and Gabe followed behind, all were sensitive to the time of day and the fact that the little family had been through so much.

“Cas, sweetie, how are you feeling?” Jess asked, kissing his cheek and leaning over to catch a glimpse of the sweet bundle on Cas’ chest.

“I'm actually pretty good, now that the hard part is over.”

“Hey little brother,” Gabe greeted with a gentle hug from the other side of the bed.

Sam joined Jess and added, “Or should we call you Daddy?”

Dean piped in, “Dada. Cas is Dada and I am Daddy, right Babe?”

Cas nodded almost shyly. Dean knew how Cas felt. It was so special to be called those names now but as wonderful as it sounded, it still felt sort of strange. Then Cas spoke up.

“I don’t want to confuse her with two Daddy names but I don’t feel like a Papa.”

  
Dean noticed Gabe looking softly at Cas. He leaned into his younger brother and looked into his eyes. “You’re nothing like Papa. Dada suit you just right, Cas. It’s just perfect, like her.”

“Thanks, Gabe,” Cas choked out.

“Yeah, well he meant well, but he…well, let’s just say he was more a nervous scatterbrain than...” Gabe suddenly looked like he had said something wrong, too personal for the circumstance, and he didn’t know how to finish his statement.

Sam rescued the moment saying, “I think we can all relate to that a bit.”

“And we know how to do better, don’t we Babe?” Dean said with a warm kiss to Cas lips. They were dry and he remembered the labor bag with the supplies.

“We do. Now we just have to figure out the small stuff like eating, sleeping and diapers,” Cas responded with a chuckle as Dean applied the retrieved tube of carmex. “Thanks, Dean. That feels better. Can I have a drink, too?”

“You bet, Hon. How’s she doing in there?” he asked as he helped Cas get the straw to his lips.

“She’s asleep, I think.”

As it got closer to three am, their family said goodbye and headed for the TLF promising to come back the next day.

Suddenly alone, Cas began to laugh. He laughed so hard, he caused himself pain.

“What is it Babe? What’s so funny?” Dean asked, starting to laugh himself.

“Well, I’m pretty sure your daughter just peed on me,” he continued to chuckle. “Better hit the call button.”

"Better than the alternative, I guess, right Babe?"

"I'm sure that will happen as well, Dean. Maybe it will be your turn then." They laughed together at the thought

Anna answered the light and she came in with a menu and the materials needed to give Caroline a bath.

“We have a great 24 hour cafeteria. Both of you pick out whatever you want and then we will clean everybody up before it comes. Maybe she will even let you eat, huh Miss Caroline…” Anna cooed at the sweet, sleeping baby.

“You up for another shower Cas?” Anna asked.

“Honestly, no.  I’m beat. I think the adrenaline rush is wearing off,” Cas answered, his voice going from a chuckle to breaking slightly.

“Sure, no problem, Cas. I just wanted to give you the option. Here, let me take her and wrap her good. Dean can hold her while I clean you up right where you are.”

“Yeah, Babe. It’s okay, just rest. Hey they have club sandwiches on the menu? You love a club sandwich, want one?”

“I can vouch for them, the are really good,” Anna added.

“I’d love one. I think I’m starving.”

“I’m gonna get one, too,” Dean said. Anna stepped out for a minute after handing Caroline to Dean. She returned with towels and sheets and another nurse, Meg.

Anna and Meg bathed Cas, gently moving and washing him in the bed. Dean was touched by the way they spoke to him.

“Just lay back, sweetie. Let us move you, we do this all the time. You’ve had a long day and night, okay?”

Cas nodded and Dean put a supportive hand on his knee. “I’m right here, Babe.”

Cas seemed to relax and then Anna said, “Cas take Dean’s hand for a minute. I’m gonna put a little pressure on your belly and get rid of some of the blood that pooled when you were laying here. It’s gonna be sore, but if I have you go to the bathroom, you’re gonna need a shower.”

Cas winced and then cried out, squeezing Dean’s hand,  as Anna took care of him. “I know, I’m sorry, Hon. We are gonna get you nursing again to contract your uterus a bit more. This won’t happen again if we do that. Okay, done pushing, can you lift your bum for me?”

He did and Anna and Meg  removed all the dirty materials and washed his lower half, giving him new underwear and pad, clean sheets with absorbent chucks under him. Soon he was tucked in under warm blankets and sitting with the head of the bed raised.

  
Dean kissed him multiple times, feeling for his tired looking husband. “Love you, Babe. Sorry you hurt.”

“I’m okay, Dean. I’m okay,” Cas said but he held on a little longer and sniffled a few times before letting go.

“Doin’ great, Cas, such a good Dada already.”

“Thank you, Sweetheart. I’m trying. I’m a little tired now.”

“Now here is the fun part,” Anna declared. “Meg and I are going to give your girl her first bath. You just lay back until your food comes. Dean can help us and you can rest.”

“You’ve certainly earned it,” Meg piped in.

Cas did watch as they bathed Caroline, letting Dean help a little. They had a little tub of warm  water on a cart near the bed. They laid her on a thick towel down by Cas’ legs and covered her with another towel. They scrubbed her with baby wash to take care of all the dried birthing fluid and the small amounts of white vernix in her creases. Meg took a clean washcloth, soaked in the clean tub water and Anna used it to wash her face and then scrub her scalp with a bit more soapy wash. The whole time, Caroline lay wrapped snuggly in the towel, wide awake and still, blinking  at Anna who cooed to her sweetly.

Using a cup, Anna held her over the tub and rinsed her head, scrubbing her scalp with a tiny hair brush. She worked the baby's thick head of dark hair into a lather before rinsing again. The faces Caroline made were priceless and captured by the photographer. When her head was clean, Anna covered it with a washcloth, held her over the tub and Meg rinsed her with the cup. Caroline loved it.

“Wait till you can actually set her down in the water. She will really love that. No submerged baths until the cord dries up and falls off. Just do what we did here and try not to get the cord wet at all. As long as you keep her bottom clean and her face and neck area clean, the rest will be fine until the cord drops,” Anna explained.

Meg got rid of the bath paraphernalia and Anna dried her well before diapering her and putting her in a side snap tshirt. She put a pink knit cap on her head and wrapped her in a receiving blanket, showing Cas and Dean how to do it.

“That’s just like in class, right, Dean?” Cas asked.

“Yep, I remember that.”

“They love to be wrapped like that. Remember she is used to being held 24 hours a day. Coming into the world is a big adjustment. You can’t hold her too much or comfort her too much. But I don’t think I really need to tell the two of you that, “ Anna laughed.

Cas’ eyes welled up as Anna placed Caroline into his arms. “No, you don’t. We’ll probably never put her down,” he sniffled. The baby squawked and snuffled, turning her head to and fro.

“She may look sleepy, but she’ll probably want to nurse now. That bath was a lot of ruckus and probably got things moving for her. I bet she’s hungry,” Anna commented. “You’re dinner will be here shortly, so for sure she will want to eat.”

Cas pushed himself to sitting a bit taller with his free hand, holding Caroline with the other. He winced. Dean moved to help.

“I’m fine, Dean. Just getting comfortable. Could you get the snaps for me on the side I’m holding her on?”

Thrilled to help, Dean did just that and he and Cas then turned their little burrito baby so she was tummy to tummy with Cas, just like they learned in class. She didn’t catch on at first but when Cas’ nipple brushed her lip, she figured it out and opened up like a baby bird. Cas urged her head forward and then she latched on like a pro. The two daddies smiled at each other like the cats that ate the canary.  Dean held Cas’ hand through the cramping when it started. But Anna said it would help the bleeding slow.

“So far, so good, huh Cas?’

“So far, so good, Sweetheart.”

Cas nursed her for five minutes on the first breast and then as long as she wanted for the second before she fell quickly to sleep. It couldn’t have been ten minutes total for both sides. He snuggled her on his shoulder after Dean snapped his gown. Cas was worn out from the process.

Their food arrived and Anna told them it would be fine if she was in the bassinet while they ate. She even pulled it right up to the bed and put her in it for them. Cas looked leery, but Dean encouraged him and sat on the bed next to him for support. Even so, Cas couldn’t eat until they put the baby on the bed between them. It was a full size bed, meant for a couple to share while they were in the hospital, so there was plenty of room.

The ate in silence, Cas devouring the club sandwich and moving on to the yogurt, pudding and cookie also on the tray. Dean ate pretty quickly as well, and truthfully they both felt better with the baby resting between them while they ate. When Cas eyed Dean’s pudding, he gave it to him with a kiss.

“Thank you, Dean. I’m so hungry.”

“Eat up, Babe, I think we are gonna need all our strength for this sweet girl.”

“I think you’re right. But she is perfect,” Cas whispered.

“Absolutely,” Dean whispered back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next we head home. Lots of fluff coming...


	16. Sweet Caroline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just hours after giving birth, Cas, and Dean, begin to get the hang of taking care of their new baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm winging it on some of the medical stuff, love the deets of a couple adjusting to being parents.

It was approaching five in the morning before Dean and Cas finally attempted to sleep. Cas was exhausted and he knew Dean was as well, it was closing in on twenty four hours since their incredible journey to parenthood had begun. A lot had happened since Cas’ last prenatal visit on Monday and the subsequent wake up call to labor pains Tuesday morning. Now here they were, laying in bed together at the hospital while Caroline lay asleep in her bassinet pulled right next to them.

Cas was not sure he would be able to sleep with her so far away from him. For nine months now, she had been a part of him, and for most of those, he felt her movements and slept _despite_ having felt them because they meant that she was healthy. Now lying apart from her, he could not help but feel empty and a bit sad that their time together, in that manner, was over.

He did realize that when his pregnancy ended,  a whole new world had opened in its place, but still... it was an adjustment. Now instead of just feeling her, he could see her and hear her and watch Dean hold her as well. He came to the conclusion that it was indeed a wonderful trade off.

What it did not do was reassure that he would have the ability to sense her needs and meet them. When he was pregnant his body did that automatically. Now it was up to Cas to interpret her cries and translate them into providing what she needed. He could not help but worry with her in the bassinet so far away from him, all of an arms length.  

“What if I don’t hear her cry?”

“I can bounce in and out of here every twenty minutes or so,” Anna promised when Cas voiced his concerns. “There are not a lot of deliveries happening anytime soon. It’s your lucky day. Plus Meg is staying when I leave at seven.”

“It’s just that…”

Dean had already tried many times to tell Cas that they would hear her for sure when she woke up. Anna tucked a blanket around then two men and gave Cas a stern, but caring look.

“You need to sleep. This baby is going to start waking up every two hours. You need to learn to sleep when she does and let others help you, do you understand me?”

Dean lifted his head and kissed Cas on the forehead. “What she said, Babe.”

“If you’re sure we'll hear her,” Cas conceded. He was still apprehensive but it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open.

He honestly did not remember falling asleep. He did, however, hear a very loud and annoyed Caroline when she woke. He jumped when he heard her and it jarred every muscle in his body. With the lack of adrenaline rushing through his system, he felt each and every inch of said body, the sore parts, twice as much. He pushed himself to sitting and immediately felt a warm gush from his sore opening.

“Shit” he said in response to the aches he felt and the mess he knew was beneath him. He glanced over to realize that Dean already had little bundled Caroline on his shoulder and was comforting her.

“I got her Cas, you alright?”

“Yes and no. Sore and I need to go to the bathroom and clean up. But, I’m okay. Is she hungry?”

“I think she’s probably needing a new diaper and her Dada, huh Sweet Caroline?”

Meg knocked and entered the room. “Good morning, Daddies. Look who’s awake? She sounds hungry, but I bet Dada needs a little help first.”

“Hi Meg, I think I do...I’m afraid it’s not going to be pretty.”

“Honey, everything about you is pretty. You just had a baby. I’m just gonna make us a walking path with towels. Daddy? You gonna be okay with her until we take care of a few things?”

“Yep, we’re all set. She’s got my pinky in her mouth for now,” Dean answered, bouncing Caroline gently. “We’re good, right my little mouse?”

Cas groaned as he slid towards Meg at the edge of the bed. Clearly he had drifted towards Dean and the middle of the bed while sleeping.

“Oooh Cas, don’t slide. Use your hands to lift yourself and sort of swing. You’re bottom is too sore to slide like that. Think of it as using crutches and taking the weight off your sore backside,” Meg coached him.

Cas got to the edge, it was better the way Meg told him to move. She helped him stand and he felt the fluid, blood he assumed, run down his inner legs. He felt too shaky to be embarrassed and he must have looked that way as well because Meg called Dean over to help support him. With each of them taking an arm, Cas walked on the towels to the bathroom.

Dean bounced a fussier mouse and left Cas in Meg’s hands. Meg cut the netted underwear off of him and carefully removed the messy pad. She wiped him down so he could sit on the toilet to pee. He shook so hard, Meg wrapped a towel around his shoulders, rubbed his back,  and held his hand. He sat for a while before finally relaxing enough to get his bladder to cooperate and then Meg used a squirt bottle to clean him off.

“This is your new best friend, Cas. This is betadine solution in this squirt bottle. Spray your backside and other bits with this stuff and then use these dry wipes to pat yourself dry. Do NOT wipe. You will regret it. Squirt and pat dry, okay?”

Cas nodded and she helped him up off the toilet. He knew he was a mess, but he was so achy and weak, he knew he could not take care of it. He had no choice but to count of the kindness of the person in charge of his care.

Once Meg got him standing, she used warm soapy washcloths to clean him up good on his lower half, before slipping on new underwear and a pad. She then let him brush his teeth and she washed his face with a clean washcloth.

“Better?” she asked genuinely.

“Human again, though can I have something for pain that won’t hurt the baby?” Cas asked softly. “Adrenaline has worn off and I am so sore.”

“You bet, sweetie. Let's get that baby changed and nursing and I'll get you something. Plus Gilda is making rounds and breakfast will be here any second. We let you sleep later since you just got to bed. It's almost eight.”

“Thank you for your help, Meg. You are very kind. I know I was quite a mess.”

“Don’t you worry about that, now let’s get this baby fed, alright Cas?” she said as she escorted him out of the bathroom.

The bed was clearly still a mess. Dean looked nervous with the fussy baby and Cas wasn’t sure what to do. He wondered at what point had he lost his ability to think? He stood there looking from Dean to the bed and back until Meg spoke.

“Lay her in the bassinet and unwrap her, Dean. I’ll change her quick and you two can help before she gets too wound up to eat.”

She talked them through the entire diaper change, girl parts and all and then wrapped her back up in her blanket and handed her back to Dean.

“How about you sit in the rocker and Dean will help you with the baby while I get the bed ready?” Cas noticed she never spoke of the mess, keeping everything in the positive.

Cas felt the relief of the plan sink into him and he shuffled over to the chair. Dean helped him sit gingerly onto the cushioned seat and handed him Caroline, who was getting angry. Everything began to click and he suddenly felt much more in focus.

“Okay, okay Sweet Caroline, hang on, Dada’s here now,” Cas soothed. Dean helped with the clothing and positioning and Caroline latched on rather easily. Cas relaxed a bit as she began to nurse and Dean stayed close, pulling a chair close to the rocker.

Just when Cas thought he had a handle on the situation, he began to feel crampy. He hissed and held Caroline with one arm as he reached for Dean with the other.

“My belly hurts. Can I squeeze your hand? Oh, shit, Dean…” Cas groaned. He panted frantically as the pain increased.

Dean offered his hand and dropped to his knees offering Cas his shoulder to rest his head. Dean covered the back of Cas’ neck with his hand and whispered encouragement into his ear.

“Oh, Babe, hang on...try to breathe through it and relax. I know that’s easy for me to say, but I think it will help. Slow down your breathing, that’s it.”

Meg walked back into the room with clean sheets. “Oh, Cas, I forgot you asked for meds. Contracting?”

Dean nodded.

“I was going to bring you 800 milligrams of ibuprofen but you also have an order for something stronger. Let me bring you that instead and some ice, Okay?

Cas looked up briefly, long enough to give Meg a nod and then he rested his head back on Dean’s shoulder, feeling discouraged by the agony of the cramps. He was really trying not to cry. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and rubbed his back, he seemed to sense Cas’ efforts.

“It’s gonna be okay, Cas. I love you, it will get better. I’m so sorry you are hurting. You’ve been so brave.”

“I’m trying, Hon, I’m really trying,” Cas choked out.

“And you’re doing a great job. Look down at Caroline, she’s nursing. Can you hear her swallow like we learned in class, and her little ear is moving. You’re a trooper Cas. You’re doing it,” Dean said with a kiss.

Cas did see their baby girl nursing. She had round cheeks and her lips were so pink and perfect around his nipple. She _was_ getting something from him. He _was_ doing it. He felt a bit better and kissed back earnestly when Dean kissed him.

Meg came quickly into the room with a handful of medical supplies. “Gilda was at the desk and she approved an injection of pain meds instead of pills just to get you started. It’s a narcotic so it will help but it won’t hurt the baby unless we overdo it. Alright?”

Cas looked to Dean who nodded firmly. “You can’t take care of her if you’re in agony Cas.”

“This will just get us back on track. In about ten minutes you will feel so much better and then we can stay on top of your pain with 800 mg of ibuprofen. But I need your permission to give the meds.”

Cas didn’t want to take anything he did not need, but Dean was right about caring for Caroline when he was in pain. “Give it to me.”

“Lean forward a bit for me,” she instructed.

Meg lifted his gown exposing his hip and backside while he was sitting in the chair. He felt her pull his weird underwear down from his butt cheek and swipe it with something cold.

“Hang on, this is viscous,” She said as she jabbed him with the needle and injected the medication.  It didn’t hurt any worse than the cramping, but he jumped a little and held on to Dean anyway.

“I got you, Cas,” Dean said as he rubbed Dean’s back without squishing Caroline.

Just then two employees came in with breakfast trays and set them on the table nearby. Gilda came in then as well and it was all a bit overwhelming. He must have looked like he felt because Meg tucked everything back into place and said, “One thing at at time, lift your bum while I slide this ice pack in place.  Now, sit back and switch that baby to the other side.”

Cas tried three times to get his pinky between his breast and her lips but Meg finally broke the latch and gave Caroline a quick burp while Dean helped him with his clothes. When Caroline was nursing again, Meg made another suggestion. She rolled the patient tray table in front of Dean.

“You eat while Cas nurses and Gilda talks to both of you. Cas’ food will stay hot under the cover and then you can either hold Caroline or feed Cas while she nurses. Then we are putting Cas back to bed and to sleep for another good nap.”

Neither of them argued and Dean wolfed down his breakfast while Gilda examined Cas and explained her findings. Cas was doing well and the pain was to be expected. She thought the baby was doing well, probably still getting colostrum and that Cas’ milk would come in soon, the more she nursed.

“I want you to nurse her every two hours, even if that means waking her up. You did very well, Cas. First time male births can be rough, but you did a fantastic job with the hypnosis and the delivery. From what I see in your chart, you have an appropriate amount of bleeding and clearly from the cramping, your uterus is doing it’s job. We’ll help you stay on top of the pain, but you have to ask for the meds. Dean, this is where you come in. Cas can have pain meds every four hours. You need to remind him to ask for them every three and a half so he doesn’t go too long without.”

Dean took out his phone and appeared to be setting a timer or alarm. “Got it.”

“Okay, I’ll be around a bit today but will be back for rounds this afternoon. Call if you need anything and get as much sleep as you can. She’s beautiful and she owes that to you for taking such good care of her during your pregnancy.”

Cas swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. He had never thought about it like that. The meds began to kick in and with the pain diminishing, his appetite increased. Dean fed him scrambled eggs and oatmeal while Cas managed the toast and muffin on his own. He drank the orange juice and ate the banana after Dean peeled it for him. He left not one scrap of food on his tray.

“I think she’s asleep, Babe. Give her to me. I’ll burp her and we’ll get you back into bed for a nap like Meg said.”

After a quick and far less messy trip to the bathroom, Cas had squirted and patted himself dry. He headed back to bed, walking rather well thanks to the drugs. He hardly remembered Dean covering him up or falling asleep at all.

When he woke the next time it was to Dean gently shaking him awake and Meg holding Caroline for him to nurse.

He was sitting up in bed with the baby latched and nursing when he noticed the flowers. The first set was in large glass vase. It was a few roses and gerbera daisies, but if was mostly pink flowers that had to be chrysanthemums. They were beautiful,  big round flowers. Sitting next to the flowers was a mouse doll who had to be Chrysanthemum, herself. She was as charming in person as she was in the book. Cas looked at Dean and smiled. They had to be from him. The sweet kiss Dean gave Cas was all the answer he needed. They showed Caroline the soft plush mouse in the sunny dress and were clearly more excited than she was.

“Her first doll, Dean and you picked it out for her. I love you,” Cas said softly.

There was also a basket with a pink bear and a potted miniature rose bush. The final arrangement was a mix of beautiful pink flowers of so many varieties, Cas could not name them all.  

“I’m glad you like it, Babe. The basket with the cute little rose bush is from Gabe and the gorgeous ones are from Sam and Jess. Everyone is so proud of you, Sweetheart.”

“Thanks, I think I’m proud of me, too. What time is it?”

“Almost eleven. How do you feel?”

“So much better this time. Not as achy, more aware of what’s going on. I was really worried this morning,” Cas chuckled.

“You’d only slept three hours last time. I think the more you sleep, the better your will feel. Any cramping this time?”

“Yeah, it’s just starting now, but not as bad as before.”

Dean sat on the bed next to Cas and they watched as their sweet baby nursed away. Cas pulled off her knit hat to expose her shock of black hair.

“Haha,” Dean laughed. “She has your hair, Babe. You’re gonna have to tame that.”

“Oh, Dean... she is so pretty. She has your lips, little bow lips...and pretty skin. Her head is less pointy now, rounding out, huh?”

“She is beautiful, the most beautiful thing I have ever seen...and I didn’t think anyone could be prettier than you,” Dean whispered before kissing Caroline on the head and then Cas on the lips.

Just then, Caroline began to grunt and groan and stopped nursing. The sounds from her diaper made it abundantly clear what she was doing and Cas and Dean giggled as she filled her diaper.

“Oh Lord, Dean, she is definitely yours.”

Cas got up and took a quick trip to the bathroom. Each time was easier and less messy. He even felt well enough to ring the call button and ask for the medicine that he would soon need to take. Then he and Dean attempted their first solo diaper change.

Cas unwrapped her from her receiving blanket bundle. He pulled her shirt up, exposing her drying cord which was clamped..

“You get the new diaper and the wipes, I’ll open the diaper to see what we are dealing with.”

He unfastened the velcro tabs and peeked inside to find a black tarry substance that had to be meconium. Caroline began to object.

“Oh sweet baby girl. Take a picture, Dean. It’s her first poop.”

Dean got several of the soft wipes wet with warm water and came back to Cas’ side. He snapped a few pics on his phone and handed Cas a wet wipe.

“Mouse! Oh my!” Dean commented as Cas wiped carefully, front to back, and cleaned her delicately but thoroughly.

“I need another wipe, Dean. Oh my goodness, Caroline, you have so many nooks and crannies to be cleaned,” Cas announced with a final check of her bum. “Okay Daddy, new diaper please.”

He lifted her bum by holding her feet in one hand and he slid the diaper into place. Between the two of them they got the diaper fastened and wrapped her tightly into a little burrito.  Cas finished nursing her just as the shift changed, lunch trays came and their family returned to visit.

Bella was their new nurse for the day. She had a British accent and was married to a pediatrician in the clinic, who also happened to be the one who examined Caroline when she was born. Lunch was chicken corn chowder and BLT sandwiches. They ate while Jess, Sam and Gabe fought over Caroline. Cas was ravenous and had finished every morsel on his tray when Gabe produced a bag of homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.

“Thank you, Gabe...I may cry while I eat these. I am so hungry all the time.”

Gabe answered, “Gotta tell me what you want for when you come home. I will make you anything your heart desires, little brother.”

“Now, _I’m_ gonna cry,” Dean teased. “Hey, save some cookies for the Daddy.”

“Nuh uh! These are just gave birth cookies and I get them all to myself,” Cas teased right back. Dean pouted and Cas passed the bag.

Jess and Sam looked like they had contracted baby fever while holding Caroline and Sam snapped all sorts of pictures.

“Hey, Dean and Cas? Do you guys mind if Jess and I handle the newborn photos or do you want to pick out the poses?”

Cas thought about it, but it didn’t really matter to him as long as they did get photos. He looked to Dean, who shrugged his shoulders.

“Go ahead, it will be a nice surprise,” Cas answered with a warm smile as he watched his brother in law and sister in law coo over the new baby. It was really special to have their family here when she was born. He shared another smile with Dean across the room. They all visited for a bit and Cas thanked them for the flowers.

The photographer came and Gabe stayed with Cas while Dean and Caroline went with Sam and Jess. Cas was fine once the photographer told him the room for pictures was right in the labor and delivery floor, and as long as Dean was carrying her.

Cas was feeling better but tired out very easily. He hoped that would begin to improve soon. He had a newborn to take care of. Gabe helped him to the bathroom and then tucked him into bed. He hoped he could get in a bit of a nap before Caroline needed to eat again.

When he woke, it was dark in the room. It was artificial dark, he could tell the curtains had been pulled and there was soft light coming from a lamp in the corner. He could hear singing and as he blinked himself awake, the words became clearer... _Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline_? He lifted his head and in the soft shadows he saw Dean, shirtless but with a blanket around his shoulders, rocking Caroline unbundled and sound asleep on his chest.

“Sweet Caroline, bah bah bah, Good times never seemed so good. Sweet Caroline, bah bah bah, you are Daddy’s little mouse…” Dean sang over, with little variations on the words.

Cas sat up and carefully made his way to Dean who was now looking at him and smiling.

“Hey, Dada, don’t mind us...we’re just getting better acquainted. I think she likes me for my singing.”

“Doesn’t everyone?” Cas snorted. “You just keep singing, there and I’ll sit right here in this chair. She looks very happy with her Daddy.”

He lowered himself carefully as Dean started again, “Sweet Caroline…”

Cas joined in, “Bah bah bah. Good times never seemed so good.”

Dean reached out and stroked Cas on the arm and maybe even a tear or two fell for the new found joy of their Sweet Caroline.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Gosh, let me know what you might like to see with the boys and a newborn...


	17. Welcome Home Little Mouse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas bring home their little bundle and find they are once again very grateful for family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh the joys of bringing home a sweet baby and learning the ins and outs of taking care of her. The boys do alright until they don't. tiny angst ...very tiny. Lots of family fluff.

Dean waited for Gabe to pick up the call and when he did, Dean was so excited he nearly shouted, “Better get dinner ready...we’re coming home!”

“Ask him if he can make lasagna...and salad and something chocolate,” Cas called out from the bathroom.

“Cas wants lasagna, chocolate and rabbit food...Yeah, I know it hasn’t been 24 hours but I lost that battle….He looks good and feels so much better. Gilda says he can go and we are just waiting for the pediatrician to clear Caroline. Then we will be on our way. If Sam and Jess could come help with flowers and balloons, that would be great...okay, thanks.”

As he hung up, Cas emerged from the bathroom, hair half tamed and dressed in long black yoga pants, a nursing top and zip up hanging open over the top. He looked good, his color was back and though he looked tired, he had more energy.

“This is as good as I’m gonna get for now,” Cas laughed and Dean walked to meet him pulling him into his arms. They kissed sweetly, and held each other. It had been somewhat of a trick to get Cas comfortably into actual clothes. They had taken their time and eased the pants on gingerly. His hips were feeling the time they spent in the birthing position. He was still taking 800mg of ibuprofen like clockwork.

“You sure you’re ready to go, Babe?”

“We have been over this, and I know you’re worried, but I would _not_ go home if I didn’t think we could handle it. I have enough energy and honestly, I think I will sleep better at home. We have lots of help there and our bed is more comfortable...and Gilda says I’m healthy.” Cas threw that last bit in to support his case because he knew Gilda carried clout with Dean.

Gilda had done her afternoon rounds and after a thorough and tearful exam she declared Cas healing nicely and asked if he wanted to go home tonight or tomorrow and serious _discussions_ had followed. Of course Dean wanted Cas to stay but Cas had jumped right onto leaving. The fact that Cas wanted to leave should have been enough indication that he was ready, but Dean needed detailed explanations and reassurance. 

In the end, Cas won and Dean had helped him shower and get dressed in his going home outfit. His husband truly was looking better every moment and it was true that hospitals no longer kept new parents for extended stays, but less than 24 hours…

“Alright, I won’t argue anymore. You do look really good, much better than this morning. Just don’t over do it, let me help a lot, okay?” Dean nearly pleaded. Dean was reasonable but truly concerned that Cas be ready and not need medical support. And Jesus, Caroline was not even 24 hours old yet. They could break her.  He needed to know Cas would take it easy if they left.

“Okay.” answered quickly.

“Cas…I need-” he was cut off by a heartfelt reply from Cas. Dean heard as Cas fought for control of his voice as he answered. He felt Cas’ emotion in the tension of his muscles as he placed himself in Dean’s arms.

“Dean, I promise to let you and everyone at home help me. I promise to take it easy. I mean it, but I want to go home...I want to take Caroline home...I need us to be home.” His bright blue eyes held such sincerity, and they begged for understanding as he spoke. Dean conceded.

“Alright, Babe, I understand. I do. Let’s go home then. Let’s take our family home.” Dean held Cas firmly in his arms and kissed him chastely before releasing him.

Cas nodded and wiped a few tears away. His hands ventured down to his still large and round belly. He laughed a bit.

“I thought I’d be more my old size. I almost brought regular clothes to go home in. I had no idea my belly would still be this big.”

“I like your beautiful belly. I’m gonna miss it. At least we get a chance to get used to it being gone if it goes away slowly, huh?” Dean asked, rubbing circles into Cas’ belly and feeling a little sad that the pregnancy was over. He couldn’t believe he felt that way, he had been so excited for the baby to arrive. He had never given any thought to the pregnancy ending.

“Yeah, I get what you’re saying, but I am ready to be smaller in the middle and walk without a waddle.”

They both laughed at that and then the pediatrician knocked and came in.

“Well, hello Airman and Mr. Winchester. My name is Garth Fitzgerald and I’m Caroline’s pediatrician while she is here. I’m one of the staff doctors from the PEDS clinic. Congratulations on your beautiful girl.”

“Thanks, I’m Dean and this is my husband, Cas,” Dean answered as they all shook hands.

“Great, I prefer Garth myself. I’m not hung up on titles,” Garth chuckled before continuing. “We haven’t met, but I examined Caroline when she was born. I’m here to examine her again, I understand you are looking at going home tonight.”

Cas answered nervously, “Yes, I want to sleep in my own bed. I mean if Caroline is ready to go home, that is.”

“Oh Golly, I bet she’s just ready to be wherever you feel the best. My wife, Bella says she’s been a dream. Let’s take a good look together and see if we can get you all home.”

Garth checked her over moving her hip joints, shoulders, and neck. He spoke sweetly to her the entire time like she was an adult. He checked her umbilicus and her diaper area and horrified them both when he warned that it was entirely possible for her to have a hormonal period following birth. He listened to her heart, lungs and belly, and tested reflexes. Finally he looked at her spine and touched her head carefully examining the soft spot on the top of her head.

“Well, Miss Caroline Chrysanthemum Winchester, not only are you a beautiful girl, you are a very healthy girl and you are ready to go home with your daddies.”

He picked her up and held her loosely wrapped in the blanket before handing her to Cas.

“Make sure she eats every two hours or so and that she has a wet diaper that often as well. Most breastfed babies have bowel movements that often also, but it can differ. Be sure she has several bm’s a day or call the clinic. She’s been pretty prolific here and should continue that way at home. Call the clinic with _any_ questions you may have. She needs to come in for a weight check on Friday afternoon. I usually go three days but I don’t want her to go the weekend without one. Sound good? This will all be in her discharge orders.  Any questions?”

“Like five million, but I can’t remember even one right now,” Dean answered, swallowing hard.

Garth laughed his funny little laugh and said, “You’re a funny man Dean. You two look like you can handle that sweet thing just fine. Congratulations and enjoy the heck out of her.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Cas said warmly. Dean didn’t look so sure about him, but he had been so sweet with Caroline and she had hardly made a peep, like she liked him or something.  “Oh, can we see _you_ when we come to the clinic? Or do we just get whomever is available?”

“You can ask for specific doctors,” he said, but then whispered. “But you didn’t hear that from me…” Then he winked and was gone.

“I really liked him, Dean. I think Caroline liked him.”

“I did, too, Babe. Quirky dude, huh? And Bella is his wife? I would never put those two together. Must be a man of many talents.”

Cas just shook his head at Dean.

Bella and Gilda  came and went with discharge instructions for Cas and Caroline. Sam and Jess came for flowers and bags so Dean and Cas could focus on Caroline. They brought her car seat, the base was already installed in the back seat of baby by the security police.

Cas carefully removed her hospital tshirt and put on her woodland animal onsie that snapped between her legs. He changed her diaper for good measure before doing up the snaps and smoothing the wrinkles. Her legs were rather skinny with wrinkly skin, kinda reddish in color. He had asked Gilda and was told his milk would fatten her right up when it came in.

He could hear Dean snapping pictures the whole time. He slipped her into the little one piece footie outfit that matched the t shirt and finally eased her into the cream colored cardigan. A tiny knit hat with foxes was the icing on the cake. She had skin like alabaster on her face, smooth and white and her dark hair and pink lips were such a contrast. She was so beautiful. It was hard to believe she was here and wearing the outfit he had bought for her so long ago in California.

He picked her up and held her to his chest, snuggling his now scruffy cheek to her hat covered head. There was something permanent about having her dressed in her own clothes, something heartwarming and yet at the same time, terrifying. The took a million selfies and pictures of her.

“Ready when you are Cas,” Gilda called into the room. “Bella will walk you out. Just come to the desk.”

Cas laid Caroline in the car seat carrier and buckled her in. Dean helped him adjust all the straps so that she fit safely and snugly before tucking her woodland animal receiving blanket all around her. They covered the whole seat with the cover, unzipping it so they could see her. It was low 60’s out so not freezing. She had her little green, hospital issue pacifier in her mouth just in case.

Dean arranged them and they took one last selfie in the room with the baby in her seat all ready to go. He helped Cas put on his fleece jacket and zip it up. It was stretched tight the last time his wore it and though Cas was still quite round in the belly, there was a bit of room this time as it zipped. Dean pointed it out and Cas smiled gratefully. They walked to the desk and Bella asked if they wanted a picture before they left and she took one for them.

Bella walked with them, no wheel chair necessary, as they left the maternity floor. Dean carried the baby seat by the handle and they held hands with their fingers threaded together. They were both squeezing and not sure if it was excitement or nerves.

They got soft looks and warm smiles through the whole hospital. There was no doubt their purpose for having been there. Cas smiled when he saw the Impala, Sam had pulled the car up for Dean so they could just leave.  

Dean set the car seat in its base and listened for the click of the safety mechanism. Then he helped Cas climb into the back seat and buckled him in next to Caroline. It was a bit of a deal scooting over to the middle, but Cas needed to be able to see her.

“Take care, everyone and call us if you have any questions. We are here 24/7 to answer the phone,” Bella offered.

And with that Dean slid into the front seat and started the Impala. He peeked in the rearview mirror and the two shared a smile as he pulled out of the circle and into the parking lot.

*****

Cas stifled his laugh as best he could all the way home. Dean drove five miles under the speed limit and put his blinkers on long before he needed to, not to mention he braked so slowly he got a few honks. When people passed them, their anger turned to understanding laughter on their faces. The car seat told the whole story, as did Cas’ wave and he imagined Dean’s pinched, concerned face.  Luckily it was not far to the housing area and their home.

For her part, Caroline Chrysanthemum Winchester slept, soundly. Not a peep or a wiggle the entire way. Cas watched her with wonder, half tickled half scared to death that she could be so relaxed and trusting of her two dads with no tiny baby experience.

Dean pulled up out front, not wanting Cas to have to struggle in the garage and Sam, Jess, and Gabe met them at the curb. It was approaching dusk, but even in the waning sunlight, the sign in the yard was adorable. There was a large cut out of Chrysanthemum, just like the cover of the book, only the flower read, _It’s a Girl!_

It was perfect and both Cas and Dean loved it. Dean most of all, of course.

“Jesus, that’s great you guys. Thanks! Isn’t it adorable, Babe?”

“Sure is, Dean. I love it. Let’s get a photo by it,” Cas suggested.

Dean helped Cas out of the car and then ran around to grab the car seat, which took a little longer than Cas thought necessary.

He was a little pink in the cheeks when he came around with the seat in his hands. “Geez, there’s a trick to that for sure.”

Jess snapped shots of several combinations of people and baby by the sweet sign. Cas eventually had Dean get her out carefully and they each held her in more snaps of the cute scene. Cas walked with her carefully into the house and Dean followed with the seat.

They were home...and it smelled like lasagna and brownies, not antiseptic. Cas was happy and tired.

“Here, Babe, sit on the couch for a bit with your feet up and snuggle for a while,” Dean said, giving Cas a hand to steady himself. He leaned over Cas and the baby. “Welcome home Little Mouse.”

“You sit, too Dean. Dinner will be ready in a few. You want a beer? Sam, come get beers for everyone but Cas,” Gabe called out from the kitchen.

“Thanks a lot, Gabe!” Cas yelled at his brother in disbelief.

“Don’t you worry, little brother, I got something for you...something special.”

Cas heard the blender as Sam handed out beer. Gabe came around the corner with a large wine glass full of something orange. No way!

“Orange julius for the Dada!”

“Holy crap, Gabe. Thanks. Man, I haven’t had orange julius since I left Kansas.”

“I know and I know it’s your fav so I looked it up and worked on it a bit. I think it is about right, plus I got some organic frozen yogurt in there so, there’s protein as well.”

Cas was touched and shared a look with his brother, who gave him a nod. That nod said a lot. Cas and Gabe had been alone for quite a bit after their parents passed and then Cas met Dean and he knew Gabe feared being left behind. Dean had looked to Gabe for advice as much as Cas had and they all got along famously. Now that they were here, with Caroline, it was just a bigger family to love and Cas’ heart ached in the best way from the thought of it.

With an accent like Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast, Gabe announced, “Dinner is served.”

They were going to feed Cas on the couch, but he insisted he was fine and _wanted_ to sit at the table. They put sleeping Caroline in the green bassinet and set her by Dean and Cas. They all looked around the table and it was Jess who broke the silence, raising her beer.

“Welcome home you guys and welcome little Caroline, shining star in our lives. We are such a lucky family to have her. Good Job, Cas!”

“Hear, hear,” the shiny eyed men all choked out in reply. Without a word, Gabe began to distract everyone with big squares of lasagna, bowls of salad and hunks of garlic bread.”

“Damn that smells good,” Cas called out. “I am so ready for not hospital food.”

“Eat up, Cassie, I’ve got big plans for the rest of the week and all the leftovers from every day will be frozen in individual portions for after we leave.”

“Gabe that is fantastic,” Cas answered mouth full of meaty, cheesy, delicious lasagna. Normally one to model the most decent of manners, Cas was already shoving a huge bite of garlic bread in his mouth. He was starving and Gabe was such a good cook.

“Can’t have you guys ordering out after I am gone for at least a week. You need good food to feed that sweet thing.”

They all enjoyed dinner, and peeked continuously into the bassinet at the tight little bundle who slept while they ate. Not one to want to push his luck, Cas decided a trip to the bathroom would be smart. Then when Caroline woke, he could just change and nurse her without delay.

“Think I’ll head to the bathroom while the she’s out,” he told the group.

“Need any help,” Dean offered.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay this trip. You keep an eye on Caroline in case she wakes up.”

Cas wandered to the bathroom slowly, taking in that the last time he had been here he was in labor and anticipating his first delivery. It was fresh enough that a flash of the pain came back to him in his mind and he shivered. He was so happy it was over and she was here. _She_. He was the father of a daughter...it was wonderful and a little terrifying.

He got himself lowered and sitting on the toilet. It was pointless to stand and go to the bathroom until he stopped bleeding and his belly was a bit smaller. The second he sat, he realized that he did not have his betadine bottle or a clean pad. Shit.

“Hey, Dean?” he called and waited, hearing the quick padding of Dean’s footsteps.

“Okay, Babe? Dean said, sticking his head in the door.

“I forgot to bring the betadine bottle and I need a clean pad.”

“Oh, hang on...I’ll be right back,” Dean said before closing the door. Cas concentrated on relaxing all the right muscles to pee. It was a feat in and of itself after having a baby. Who knew?

When Dean returned, he handed Cas the bottle and stayed in the bathroom. Cas went to rinse himself with the solution and realized he left the pad in his underwear. He started to remove it and Dean went to take it from him.

“You don’t have to do that, Dean., I can handle it from here.”

“I’m sure you can, do you want me to leave, or-”

“I don’t necessarily _want_ you to go, but this is all gross and we just ate and I don’t want you to feel like…”

Suddenly Dean knelt in front of him and took the dirty pad, wrapped it in toilet paper and threw it in the garbage. Then he kissed Cas, firm, and wrapped his arms around him. He whispered in Cas’ ear.

“This is us, Babe. Am I supposed to be grossed out and leave you in here to handle all of it on your own?” Cas shrugged. “I’m not gonna do that, Cas. Just because you had the baby doesn’t mean I don’t have to deal with the nitty gritty parts of the process. This doesn’t bother me, it’s not grossing me out. It’s part of the whole package and I happen to love the whole package.”

Cas was grateful for a husband like Dean, though he didn’t know why he was so worried. Dean was exactly the way Cas thought he would be. Still, he wondered if it made him less appealing, not that it even mattered at the moment. He still looked pregnant, he was a mess and they were nowhere near being romantic. Why was he even thinking about that?

His face must have given him away. “Cas, you are thinking waaaay too hard. What are you worried about?”

Cas didn’t want to say and he saw the light bulb go off over Dean’s head.

“If you’re thinking that all of this,” he waved his hands around in the air and towards Cas. “is gonna make you less attractive to me, or less sexy...that’s it, isn’t it? Babe. Please. If anything this makes me more attracted to you. You were a beast in that tub, Cas. Do you not see that?”

“I mean I know it’s not about sex right now, but I feel different and wonder if you do to...that’s all,” Cas answered.

“You bet your ass I feel different. I love you Cas. I love you so much I can’t even put it into words. But the difference I feel is all good, every fucking bit of it. It’s like...finding out that the person you loved more than anything in the world is a superhero or something. Babe, I loved you so much before Caroline, but now...now I can’t even wrap my head around it. Like I am gonna get a megaphone and walk up and down the street telling everyone you had a baby.”

Cas felt warmth radiate through his chest as Dean explained himself. He knew he had nothing to worry about, but he was emotional and thoughts just buzzed through him and he could not help them. He should have known better than to think that the aftereffects of giving birth would turn Dean away from him.

“Thank you, Dean. I love you, too. I’m sorry, I’m so worried about all this.”

“Don’t be, Cas. You’ve been through a lot in the past couple of days. I’m sure it’s overwhelming. Let me help, it’s what I’m here for, okay Sweetheart?”

“You’re so good to me, I can’t imagine how hard this would have been without you. I mean here we are in the bathroom, I’m on the toilet and you’re telling me you still find me attractive… You’re a good man, Dean and a wonderful husband.”

Dean kissed him and pressed their foreheads together. “We better get you cleaned up, Caroline is probably gonna want to eat soon. Plus, later I’m hopin’ for a little somethin’ somethin.” He winked at Cas as he wound toilet paper into a little pad and handed it to him.

Cas rolled his eyes at the joke and squirted himself with the betadine solution. He patted himself dry and opened the box of pads to place one in his boxer briefs. It looked tiny compared to the pads he had used from the hospital. Dean was at the sink washing his hands.

“This doesn’t look big enough. We did buy the biggest size they had, right Dean?”

“Yeah, Gilda said overnight pads for women would be better than the carrier postpartum pads, so we went with those.”

“Hmmm. Maybe they just seem so small because the hospital ones were so huge. I’ll just have to change it more often I guess.”

He finished and washed his hands at the sink. Dean came up behind him and put his arms gently on his still rather large belly. They looked at each other in the mirror. It was easy to see they were both tired, happy but definitely tired.

“This is us, Cas… this is us and I kinda love us...the good, and the _meh_ , you know?”

“I’m getting the picture,” Cas said turning and giving Dean a kiss. “Now didn’t Gabe make brownies?”

Cas was just eating the last bite of his brownie when little squeaks started coming from the bassinet.

“Perfect timing, good girl,” he said as he shoved in the last bite of decadent chocolate. Gabe made the best brownies.

Four adults went for the baby as Cas tried to push himself up off the couch. He ended up half rolling to his knees and getting up from there. “Hey, no need to worry about me. I’m fine hauling all this up off the couch.”

Dean came forward with the baby and they all oohed and ahhed over her sweetness. Then she made some of the loudest poop noises they had ever heard and they all tried desperately to capture it on their cellphones. No one could hear a thing over their laughter, however.

She scrunched her face and sounds that were hard to replicate came resounding out of the bundled blanket. “Don’t you worry, Caroline, Dada will protect you from these awful embarrassing people.”

He took her from Dean and motioned to the basket of diapering supplies he had placed in the corner of the living room. He made his way to the dining room table. He would need to stand for this one he was sure.

Between the two of them, Cas and Dean got her unwrapped and opened the diaper. There was still a bit of tarry black stool but there was also a lot of mustardy looking poop there as well.

“Now we’re talking, Mouse,” Dean said as he handed Cas a wipe.

Cas took one swipe at her bottom with the front part of the diaper before tucking it under her bum and wiping quickly with the clean wipe. It took two more and she was crying, but it was pretty quick all in all, and her clothes were still clean so they counted it as a win.

He let Dean pick her up while he went to wash his hands in the kitchen. He made his way to the couch where Jess had a big glass of water and the boppi pillow from the nursery. He sat and tucked the pillow around his middle and Dean handed over their hungry baby.

“Oh my goodness, sweet Caroline, Dada’s here. It’s time to eat, you’ve been so sleepy.” He turned her to his belly and finagled the tank open under his nursing top. It was a plain blue tshirt that appeared to have a second panel over the top third of the shirt. Only under that panel were hidden openings that let him nurse discreetly. They would be great for when they started to go out. The flap just naturally provided coverage.

She latched on after a few tries and Cas winced a bit. His nipples were getting sore...like the skin hurt and felt raw. It didn’t last long, but it smarted for sure when she latched on. Jess handed him the water and he drank. Drinking helped his milk let down and he could actually begin to feel it happening over the last few feedings.

“Thanks, Jess. And thanks for getting the pillow. It is so much easier on my back not to have to hold all of her weight. You do not realise how heavy a seven pound baby is to you hold one in the same position for twenty minutes.”

“I’m sure. Seems like the nursing is going well?” Jess said encouragingly.

“So far, so good, huh, Caroline,” Cas answered. “Little sore now when she latches on but we read about that and it is to be expected.”

Sam and Gabe finished in the kitchen and soon the living room was buzzing with conversation. During the chatter, Jess said to Cas, “We’d like to stay here tonight in case you guys need help. Is that okay?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that. I’m sure we can manage. We don’t have a spare room and you’d have to sleep on the floor…”

Jess looked like she was about to argue a case and countered, “We won’t stay if you don’t want us to and if we would be an intrusion, but we would like to stay and help you if you will let us. We already talked about it and we picked up an air mattress. Gabe will take the couch and Sam and I will sleep on the mattress in the living room as well. It’s already blown up and easy to move if you need to come down in the night.”

Cas felt relief as she relayed the plan. Truthfully he knew he and Dean could handle changing and feeding her but he knew the nurses had helped when he was asleep and he did feel better thinking there would be lots of hands to help. “Okay, Jess, since you worked it all out. If it’s not too much trouble, we’d love the help.”

“Great then I am going to put on my pajamas. It’s after eight and I am beat. Pajama party with Miss Caroline!” She hopped off the couch and took off.

Cas realized that they had been home for over two hours already. He was going to put on pjs when he was done nursing, he decided. He switched her over to the other side when five minutes was up. He had glanced at the time on the cable box when Jess had mentioned the time earlier. He made a note that he needed to download that breastfeeding tracker app he had looked at before he went into labor. Come to think of it, he didn’t remember the last time he saw his phone.

“Hey Honey,” he called to Dean. He heard Dean answer from upstairs. He shouted back, “I need my phone, when you get a chance.”

Caroline did not like the volume and let go and squawked at him. One eye opened and her tiny pink lips wobbled. “Sorry, sweet girl, sorry, here, get back on there and Dada won’t yell anymore.”

“Everything okay, there, Cas?” Sam asked coming in from the kitchen.

“Yeah, I have to remember I have someone tiny attached to me sometimes, I guess,” he laughed. “Could you look in the diaper bag over there and see if my phone is in the pocket?”

Sure enough, it was where he tucked it earlier and Sam handed it to him. “Thanks, I’m gonna download a breastfeeding tracker.”

Sam looked a little nervous, but determined and he sat on the edge of the coffee table for a minute before speaking.

“I’m really proud of you, Cas. You’re a great dad and she’s a lucky girl...and I should know. You were like a dad to me with Dean and I want you to know that I appreciate it. I see the look in your eyes when you see her, I mean really _see_ her. I’ve been on the receiving end of those looks from you and it helped me grow up happy. I just wanted you to know that.”

His voice broke on the last words and he leaned over, moving to his knees and hugged Cas careful not to disturb the nursing baby.

“Sam...I love you, thank you..for sharing that with me. I feel the same way and it means the world to me that we shared that time, too.”

At the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs, Sam stood and smiled at Cas and brushed a hand over the top of his head. “Need anything?”

“Nope, I’m all set here. Thank you, Sam.”

“What is this? The meeting of the minds? How’s my girl? Still eating?” Dean asked leaning over and brushing a finger over her ear. Dean was obsessed with her ear moving. They had learned at the breastfeeding class that unless her ear moved, she was not actually nursing hard enough to get milk.

“Yes, she is still going at it. I’m gonna download that tracker I was looking at before I had her. If she hadn’t decided to come six days early, I might have been totally organized and ready.”

“Oh sure, Babe. Blame the baby for being born off your schedule.”

“I’m not blaming her, I just wanted to put _everything_ in the tracker, that’s all. I’ll just start now and it will be fine.”

“It’s better than fine. Everything is fantastic, Cas. I’m glad we came home tonight, I was worried, but you were right. It’s much more relaxing at home.

“It really is, isn’t it?” Cas answered puckering his lips for a kiss which Dean granted him.

 

*****  


“Me and my big mouth,” Dean groaned when Caroline began to cry again in the bassinet they had moved from the living room to the bedroom. “This is no longer relaxing. Let me get her and bring her to you. She can’t be wet, we changed her fifteen minutes ago.”

“She can’t be hungry, I just nursed her, and if she latches on right now I am going to lose a nipple,” Cas said near tears.

“It’s okay, Babe, it’s okay. It will be daytime soon and we will handle it better then.” Dean glanced at his phone it was only 12:15 and holy shit they had all night to go. What were they doing wrong? She had not cried this much at night before, then he remembered she had never really had a night before.

Just when he thought they would both burst into tears with the baby, there was a knock on the door. Then light came in around the halo of three angels named Sam, Jess, and Gabe.

“We listened for a while but we are gonna help now if that is okay,” Jess started.

“Fucking hell it’s okay,” Dean half sobbed.

“Language, Dean!” Cas scolded but not far from a sob either.

Sam was on his phone. “Has she eaten and did she eat well?”

“Yes,” Cas answered.

“Is she dry?”

“Yes”

“Warm enough?”

“Yes, I think so, she’s under a blanket in her suit we brought her home in.” Cas had not changed her clothes, he had just dressed her in them before they came home. He simply took off the sweater.

“Give her to me, Dean,” Jess instructed. She was covered in a blanket but not bundled when he did. When Jess held her close she settled a bit, not all the way but she did settle some.

“I’m going to wrap her and walk around with her for a while, where is that pacifier from the hospital?” she asked.

“It’s in the bassinet,” Cas answered tarfully. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Gabe spoke up, “Dean you take him to the head and Sam and I will straighten up in here, since clearly a bomb went off.”

They had started about 9:30 by nursing her and then moving the bassinet to their room. She seemed to be okay and slept about twenty minutes but had been up about every twenty minutes since then. Both Cas and Dean tried soothing her but everytime they put her down she slept a little and then wailed. It was exhausting, especially for two people who  had started out exhausted to begin with. There were diapers and wipes everywhere.

When they returned from the bathroom, their bed was straightened and the room was returned to an organized neat status and Dean felt better immediately. He could only imagine how much better it made Cas feel. Cas relaxed right in front of him.

“Climb in bed, Cas and go to sleep, I’ll check on the baby,” Dean offered.

Just then Jess came through the door. “No need. She is out like a light. I wrapped her tight and walked and she is sound asleep, see?”

She looked peaceful and content and Jess spoke again. “We are going to take turns. You sleep between feedings and one of us is going to take her and hold her or walk her or whatever it takes. The others will all sleep, okay?”

“You’re sure,” Cas asked.

“Positive,” all three of the non parents answered. Satisfied, Cas agreed to lay down.

Dean spooned in behind him, prepared to soothe him to sleep but was pleasantly surprised to hear soft snores after about five minutes.

“Sleep, my brave, Cas. Sleep,” he said as he kissed the back of his head.

 

******

 

Two hours sleep was like the heavens had opened and rained sunshine on the world. Jess brought a fussy but already changed baby to be fed and after nearly breaking Dean’s hand as she latched on, Cas happily recorded his info in the newly named mouse app.  He dreaded the switch after five minutes and Dean had to help him again but after the white hot flash of pain when she latched, it was a pleasant feeling again. She nodded off after about twenty five minutes and Gabe took her, bundled her up and disappeared into the dark hallway as Cas, remarkably comfortable with the new situation, let himself fall back into slumber. His last thought was the warm feeling of Dean spooning up close behind him.

The next session was not so perfect because Cas had leaked through his pad and it had gotten all over Dean and the sheets. Dean cleaned them up quickly, doubling the pads in his underwear at Jess’ suggestion, and got Caroline and Cas in the rocker in the nursery. Cas saw Sam go by with the bundle of dirty sheets and soon he was back in bed and so grateful for his family and their help.

By the time the sun came up, Cas was rested and the system was working beautifully but Cas’ nipples were ridiculously sore. Sore enough that he had texted Gilda who totally sympathized but said it just had to be worked through and suggested he reference different positions in his breastfeeding manual from class.

They tried football hold, where Cas held her on the same side he nursed her on like a football under his arm. That was pretty good. He laid down with her which was very good for sleeping, but made him a bit nervous he would roll on her. Dean promised he would watch for that. The best one, especially since he had little in the way of fullness in his breasts, was the laid back position. Cas simply leaned back against pillows with Caroline laying on his chest, mouth on a nipple. She conformed to his body, he could rest and not worry about rolling. It was his favorite position, though he still had to alternate to ease the nipple soreness.

After a shower and breakfast, Cas felt like a new person and even walked back upstairs to sit in the rocker with her to nurse. He got comfortable with her in the laid back position and she latched on with a whispered _fuck_ and a metallic taste in his mouth as he bit his lip. Dean brought him a travel mug of peppermint tea and a kiss. Cas switched sides after the initial five minutes and by now entering the info in his phone was second nature. He noticed an email from the photographer and they opened it to find a message that he was sending over a package that morning. Cas could not wait to see them.

Dean sat on the footstool and read to them, Chrysanthemum of course. But then he added Goodnight Moon, Brown Bear, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and Pat the Bunny. Soon Caroline was sound asleep and Cas gently picked her up, laid her in her brand new crib for the first time and bundled her warmly.  He looked to Dean, his eyes asking if they dared to leave her there.

Dean simply nodded and they both kissed her there among the beautiful things they had chosen for her, all her new little forest friends.

Leaning over to kiss her one more time, Dean whispered, causing Cas to take in a sniffle, “Welcome home Little Mouse.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many details, so little time...hope you are enjoying.


	18. So Much Love and So Little Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean have say goodbye to their family as their visit comes to an end and reality sets in that Dean's time home is coming to a close as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Practically no editing, so let me know about major errors... Meant to write so much more over thanksgiving, but my daughter was home from Grad school and we had a ball baking, decorating for Christmas and visiting. 
> 
> PS She is writing a brilliant Victuuri Sugar Daddy fic that will fry your onions. Mtothedestiel on AO3. Go find it...it is soooo worth it.

Cas rocked Caroline in the nursery as she nuzzled against him, tiny fist resting against his chest as she nursed away. He looked down at her and his heart ached it was so full of love for this sweet tiny person in his arms. They were alone together for the first time in her short life, she was a week old already. Dean had gone to the airport.

Their family had been with them a week already, Gabe a little over, and they had jobs back home that needed them. They promised to return soon, though Gabe was coming up on Easter, a very busy time and Sam and Jess had tricky schedules to begin with. Needless to say, it had been a teary goodbye on both sides. Dean had been incredibly sensitive to give Cas and Gabe time to say farewell for the time being.

“You two gonna be okay for a bit or should I change our plans and call a cab for them...they won’t mind, they already said so,” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear and he held him and rubbed his back. Sam, Jess and Gabe were taking last cuddles with Caroline.

Not wanting Dean to be worried, Cas took a deep breath and calmed himself. “Don’t be silly, we’ll be fine, it’s only an hour or so. We’ll be fine... _I’ll_ be fine...promise.”

“Might be a little longer, I have a secret stop to make. So like, two hours.”

“Secret stop, eh?”

Dean just kissed him, playfully ignoring his question, and then kissed Caroline as Jess weepily handed her to Cas and gave him one final kiss.

They all said their final goodbyes and Cas had come up to change and nurse his sweet girl for a bit. She was so beautiful. He loved her little eyelashes as they lay against her cheeks and the way she snuffled against him as she nursed. He didn’t think he would or _could_ ever love anyone as much as he loved Dean but this little wonder had instantly proven him otherwise.

Cas knew he and Dean would miss the daily family meals and would especially miss the six extra hands. There was nothing like all of them being together, it felt like family... and it was. Jess had been such a sister to Cas in Palo Alto and now again here in Virginia. She and Dean had bonded, as well. Nothing like close quarters and loud crying to make everyone work like a team. They ended up only going to the TLF to change clothes and shower. Otherwise it had been all hands on deck.

Day by day Caroline had gotten her days and nights on track and began to settle into a routine. She had gained seven ounces at her checkup that Friday after she was born. Garth was thrilled and assured Cas that his milk had come in or she would not have gained that much weight in that short a time.

Cas found out later that night as he sat in the bathroom terrified to poop with ice packs held to his chest, just how right Garth had been.

Jess and Gabe had been been saints and read the medela pump manual from cover to cover while Sam bounced a very unhappy Caroline and Dean talked Cas through the scariest shit he had ever taken.

It all turned out fine. Cas pooped and it wasn’t nearly as bad as he had played over and over in his mind before he actually went. Jess and Gabe gave Cas his first breast pump lesson and Dean saved Sam from a baby who had pooped through her diaper and nightgown to run down the front of his shirt. Not a bad night for everyone but Sam.

Cas laughed at that memory and Caroline opened one eye and then immediately shut it as if to say _‘no talking’._

“Well there, Miss Caroline, yes, I laughed. I was thinking of you pooping on your Uncle Sam. I’m going to laugh and talk and probably cry a bit when we have our time together so you might want to get used to that. But we are going to have so much fun, you and I. We’ll read books, and play with toys, and go for walks, maybe even runs later. When you get bigger, we can go to the library, you will love it there, so many books... We’ll have even more fun with Daddy, but you and I are going to have our days to ourselves and we are going to be quite the pair.”

Caroline let go and her head lolled back in that milk drunken way it did when she was full. She was a happy baby for the most part, not fussy or demanding, unless she was hungry or wet. She was ready for a nap but Cas didn’t want to be too far from her so he brought her down to the living room and placed her in the bassinet. He smoothed her little yellow nightgown and bundled her in a swaddle.

Cas was never a clothes horse. He had owned the same second hand trenchcoat for many years now and besides his running shorts and yoga pants, he did not care about brand name or fashion. When he had bought clothes for the baby, he bought neutral items and they had gotten lots of neutral things at the shower. He prided himself on not pinning colors on gender.

That being said, now that Caroline was here and she was so petite and feminine, he fought the desire to throw all the neutral clothes into the nearest charity collection bin and smother his sweet girl in all the pink he could get his hands on, so help him. He didn’t care.

Still, he knew what was sensible and he would wait. He would use the newborn clothes they had and then when she got a little bigger, he would buy what suited her. He straightened from where he was bent over the bassinet scooted it across the room near the couch and with a final pat, he left his girl to sleep. He plopped himself down on the couch and flipped on the TV. After a few clicks he found the first Harry Potter and after five seconds he was enthralled as usual. He never felt himself fall asleep.

The door to the garage closing roused him and he rubbed his eyes to find Dean over the bassinet and smiling.

“She’s so damn pretty when she sleeps, Cas. Look at her.”

He rolled up to sitting, movement was so much easier after a week, and glanced into the bassinet alongside Dean. “She _is_.”

“Well, how did it go? Everyone okay when you left?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, poor Jess and Gabe. Lots of tears, but Sam had it under control and just kind of took charge. Man he’s grown into quite a Samsquatch, huh?”

“He certainly has. I’ll miss them all...they were such a huge help. Dean, I don’t think we could have done it without them.”

“You know what, Babe? We could have, we _would_ have done it because there was no choice. But having them here made is so much easier and I think we got to enjoy so much more because we were rested. I’m so glad they came.”

“Me, too. And you’re right about them making it so enjoyable, even with sore nipples and a sore backside!” he laughed at his own expense. It had been a few rough days in there until his nipples toughened up a bit(words he never thought he would say...ever) and his lower half began to heal. He was on the upswing now and feeling good, tired but good.

“You want some lunch, Babe. How about I make us club sandwiches? Gabe left the ingredients for ‘em.”

“I thought you said you had a surprise stop to make?” Cas asked coyly. He wasn’t one for extravagant gifts, but after a week of constant feed sleep change cycles, a little excitement was welcome.

“Oh...did I?” Dean said with a smirk as he pulled out turkey, bacon and lettuce from the fridge. He was putting bread in the toaster when Cas snaked his hands around Dean’s waist and leaned his forehead between Dean’s shoulder blades. He heard Dean set the toaster to toast and felt him turn in his arms to face Cas.

“You did, you know…” he reminded Dean.

“I did. Let me finish lunch and when Caroline wakes up we have something to talk to you about.”

“What did you do, Dean? Nothing crazy I hope.” Cas asked curiously, wondering why Dean would have a surprise stop to make.They had talked about gifts and decided a healthy baby would be gift enough.  

“Now hang on, Babe. You’ll know soon enough.”

“At least let me help with lunch.”

“Sure, how about you cut tomatoes and break up some of the lettuce,” Dean offered.

Soon the kitchen was full of the delicious smell of bacon and Dean and Cas had assembled three decker club sandwiches. They sat at the dining room table and ate with Caroline in her bassinet in the living room. Cas was still eating with a voracious appetite and Dean smiled at him enjoying his food as usual. Dean wiped the corner of Cas' mouth with a napkin. Cas had been self conscious of his appetite at first, he ate like he had not seen food for a while, but Dean had encouraged him to eat all he was hungry for. Now Cas just sheepishly returned the smile and chowed on.

They were snuggled up on the couch watching whatever Harry Potter had come on next in the marathon when Caroline began to fuss. Dean got up to grab her.

“Bring a diaper and the wipes and we can change her on the couch,” Cas called after him.

When Dean turned around with an unwrapped and stretching girl, Cas could not help but notice how really tiny she was compared to her Daddy. It was hard to see the size comparison when he was the one holding her, but he saw it now and it was so precious.

“She’s so tiny in your hands, Dean.”

“Ha, I think the same thing when you nurse her. She looks so _small_.”

“Come here, sweet girl and I’ll get you cleaned up and ready to eat, okay?” Cas cooed to their daughter. “Such a good girl….ooooh stretch those arms, you stretch those arms.”

He made quick work of her diaper just as she was going to get really worked up and he quickly got her settled and nursing. He was becoming a master and reaching under the nursing flap to unclip the shoulder of the nursing tank he wore, and getting her to the breast quickly.  If she got going, _really going_ , she would get too mad to nurse and boy did she have a set of lungs. Just thinking about it made him smile.

“Close your eyes, Babe,” Dean said when she was settled.

“Dean…” Cas said in a wary tone as he closed his eyes. He trusted Dean but was getting the feeling that Dena had not kept up their end of the no gift deal.

“Okay, open.”

Cas opened his eyes to see Dean in front of him exactly as he was before he closed them. Dean averted his eyes towards the baby and Cas followed the glance to see a small black box sitting on her side as she nursed.

“Dean!” Cas gasped. “We said no gifts.”

“I know, I lied. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. You had to know I would get you a present. You worked so hard the whole pregnancy and then...when you had her. Cas…”

Cas fisted the box and leaned forward as he watched his husband’s eyes fill with unshed ears. He never could bear to hear Dean cry or his voice catch the way it did just now without wanting to hug him. He pulled Dean in with a soft hand on his shoulder, still gripping the gift he had not opened and he kissed Dean gently but thoroughly.

“We made it through Sweetheart. We had our baby, right.”

“No, Cas. We _have_ our baby, but you _had_ her. _You…_ and I am so proud of you.”

Cas sucked in a breath at what Dean conveyed in that statement. Suddenly Cas was overwhelmed with emotion himself, not a big surprise except that this time, a realization hit him.

“I did. I had a baby. _I_ had _our_ baby, Dean. I did it...I _did_ …” he said, almost in disbelief. Cas had subconsciously built a little wall to keep himself functional while taking care of Caroline through the aftermath of the birth. There was so much that had gone on since he went into labor.

Now, whether it was the joy of Caroline arriving, the hard work that it took to get her there, the long week of sleepless nights, the newness of the family not being there to help or already missing them in general, and the love that Dean had expressed the entire time, Cas felt that wall begin to crumble and his emotions release...really release.

The sobs that escaped him sounded half hysterical giddiness and half overwhelmed gratitude and disbelief. It was a sound that even Cas himself found somewhat amusing. He just kept squawking out in an awkward tone of complete disbelief despite the baby in his arms, “I had a baby.” The tears, however, were prolific.  Dean reacted just like Cas would have. He hugged Cas and nearly laughed along with him, but a few tears choked his words as he comforted him.

“Awwww, Cas...I didn’t mean to make you cry. I wanted to let you know how much I love you, that’s all. Honey...you did do it. You did have a baby and you did such a great job and you were brave. You really toughed it out and you’ve been toughing it out all week. It hasn’t been easy, but you are a trooper.”

That made Cas cry even more and then he realized Caroline was not longer nursing and winding up to cry. Dean took her from him and popped in her pacifier while Cas tried to gain control of himself, wiping his tears with the burp cloth now perpetually located on his shoulder. Suddenly feeling like an emotional burden he tried to damn up his tears.

“I’m sorry, Dean...I didn’t-”

“Don’t, Cas, don’t apologize for your feelings, please…”

“It’s just... I don’t know why it’s just hitting me now...it’s just that she’s here and she’s ours and we made her and...and...holy shit we have to take care of her...forever,” Cas hiccuped as the reality set in.

“Yeah, and watch her grow and do her hair and throw her birthday parties and buy her school supplies. Isn’t it fucking fantastic?” Dean said, voice thick with emotion now as well.

“I want to buy her pink clothes.” Cas blurted out of nowhere.

“Oh thank Fuck! I do too!” Dean leaned in a kissed Cas roughly. He must have read the surprise on Cas’ face because he followed with, “I thought four sure you were gonna want to avoid social constraints, yadda, yadda, yadda…”

Cas giggled, then full out laughed. “I thought so too, about me I mean. That’s what I thought I would do, but Dean...I can’t wait to see her in a pink dress. Is that wrong?”

“Hell, no!” Dean answered quickly. “Now when she gets older we-”

“She’s never getting older, she’ll always be our sweet little mouse, Dean.”

They both stopped in their tracks after Cas spoke and looked at the tiny baby sucking furiously on the pacifier and smiled erupted on their faces, soon turning contemplative.

“Oh God, she’s a week old already,” Dean groaned. "She’s almost a teenager."

Caroline spit out the binky at that very thought and let out a cry of dissatisfaction that curled their toes.

“She wants the goods, Dada.”

Cas settled back, small black box in hand, and got her nursing before handing the box to Dean for help. “Better see what’s in here, now, don’t you think?”

Dean kissed him and then opened the box to reveal a gold band set with a small aquamarine stone, Caroline’s birthstone.  It wasn’t raised like a typical setting, it was set down into a channel in the band. It was beautiful.

“Oh Dean, I love it. It’s her birthstone. It’s perfect.”

“Well, we never had an engagement ring and I really wanted to get you something practical that would be a reminder…”

“It’s almost as beautiful as her, thank you, Sweetheart. But I didn’t, I mean I haven’t even had a ch-”

“Don’t, Cas. The best gift I have ever gotten was you and you keep adding to it all the time. First you upgraded and married me, then you followed me out of Kansas and now...her? What else could I need?”

“Oh, Dean, you were so wonderful the whole pregnancy and I don’t think I could have had her without your coaching. You were so good to me, still are…I’d like to get you something, like you got me, but-”

“You know, I am thrilled to hear you say you wanted to get me something similar, because you did. You got me the exact same thing! Huh? The irony…”  Dean teased as he flashed his left hand to Cas to reveal the same exact ring.

Relief flooded through Cas at the thought of both of them having the rings to wear. He laughed out loud at his silly husband.

“You’re not annoyed that I usurped your gift giving?” Dean asked warily.

“Not at all, it’s the perfect gift, I love it. I’m glad I got it for you,” he chuckled.

“This may not be the best time to mention it, but we can add more stones if we…I mean…”

“Oh Dean, we’ll add to it, don’t you worry...I just hope we don’t run out of room,” Cas said saucily cocking one eyebrow. Dean smiled from red tipped ear to ear.

They spent the rest of the day, and the rest of the week, snuggling together and learning to be a little family. They ate meals that Gabe had frozen and also a dinner from Kitty and the library and craft group girls who called and requested a good time to visit.

Benny and Andrea came by with the girls for a quick hello with a chocolate cake and small pink quilt that Andrea had made for Caroline. It had a C in the middle square. They thought Caroline looked small in their hands, and then Benny held her. He also brought them out of their newly established normal with one question.

“You ready to come back Monday?”

“God is two weeks up already?” Dean countered.

“I’m ‘fraid it is, Chief, ‘fraid it is,” Benny said with a pat on Dean’s back.

“We’ll be ready come Monday morning,” Cas said as bravely as he could muster. The look he and Dean shared conveyed the real truth. Neither of them was anywhere near ready to part from this sweet time together, despite the fact that it was going to happen...and very soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all had a great holiday if you celebrate...how are you all doing out there??? Hanging in there? Time is going to move along soon and we will see some fun times and a wee bit of angst...wee bit...


	19. Even the Loveliest of Roads Has Its Share of Bumps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is not always easy getting back into the groove of life. Sometimes, even for those truly in love, there are bumps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have not been able to write a word since Thanksgiving. Ugh! This is rough at best. I needed to start back with something a wee bit angsty to get going. I did little or no editing just to get going. If there are huge errors or inconsistencies, please point them out...

The first day Dean returned to work, they were both a mess. Dean fought tears at the thought of leaving Caroline and also at the thought of feeling like he was abandoning Cas to handle everything alone. Cas had to fight Dean to leave them at all.

He discovered Dean downstairs on the couch feeding Caroline one of the precious packets of milk he had managed to pump and get into the freezer. They were being very cautious with those until Cas got better at pumping, but still he could not be upset. Dean looked wrecked, and it killed Cas.

He stopped on the stairs and listened as Dean’s spoke to their daughter, voice warbling.

“Daddy doesn’t want to go back to work yet, but he’s in the air force and doesn’t have a choice. I’ll come home at lunch to check on you guys, okay? Eat lots from Dada and let him get lots of rest. You sleep, too. That’s how you get big and strong so we can play and go for car rides and do all kinds of fun stuff together. I’m gonna miss you all day…”

Cas wiped his tear filled eyes quickly and came down when he thought Dean might really start crying. He put on a brave face and pretended he was not at least a little worried at the prospect of being home alone with a newborn all day.

“There you are! I was looking for my two favorite people. Look at that, Daddy got you a bottle. I’ll just pump, later then. Is she eating well, Daddy?”

“Cas, I’m sorry I used a-”

“Nonsense, Dean,” Cas said gently. “This is a hard day for all of us and you can certainly have some time with her before you go.”

“Thanks,” Dean said sadly and then he sat silent for some time just feeding her. “I’m gonna miss everything she does. Everything,” he half sobbed, half barked.

Cas walked over to the sofa and sat down and nestled himself against Dean, tucking his head onto his shoulder. Dean leaned his cheek against Cas hair as Cas tried to soothe him. “No you’re not. You won’t miss everything. A few things here and there, but not all of it. Hell, some day I am going to want to go to the store or for a walk or a run and you’re going to have her and I may miss something. It’s just how it goes, Honey. It will be alright. Today is a difficult day, tomorrow will be better.”

“Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse?”

“Yep,” Cas smiled warmly standing up from the couch. “We’ll be fine and you’ll be fine. It won’t be as much fun, but it has to happen. So, finish feeding her and then we’ll tear the band aid off.”

“I love you, Cas. I really love you and I feel like I’m abandoning you when you need me.”

Cas leaned over and kissed Dean firmly, even slipping him a little tongue. “The fact that you feel that way and can express that to me is all I need to make it through the day. I love you, too. Infinitely.”

Dean managed to get his act together to the point that Cas felt he was safe to drive to work. It was endearing that Dean was so emotional and so involved with the whole process of having Caroline. He knew he was lucky in that regard.

Still, he was on his own all day for the first time, and it was a tad intimidating. He had a sleepy, full baby in his arms, a chest full of milk, and a date with a breast pump. Off to quite the start already.

Caroline was sleeping in her bassinet and Cas was pumping on the couch when he phone pinged, alerting him to a message.

**Benny: Try not to worry, he’s here and we’ll all get him through the morning.**  
**Cas: Thanks Benny. You’re a good friend.**  
**Benny: He’s the brother I never had, even when he’s big sad baby. I’ve been there.**

Cas laughed and started the pump again. It was going to be rough on Dean, but they would make it.

*****

After that first day, time began to fly. Dean came home at lunch every day. He made them something to eat, scarfed his down and held Caroline the entire time. The second week he came home three days and by the third week, they were back to their old schedule of Dean coming home at four when the work day was over. It was a lot of work for him to get home and get back as well as eat. Cas liked Dean to stay in alert work mode during the day. Working on jets was dangerous and he did not want a fussy baby to be on his mind from lunch time.

It was easier for them both to stay in their routine, but it was also long days and long nights and they began to add up. Cas loved having Caroline and their days together were usually sweet and cuddly. By one month, she began to stay awake longer between naps and Cas started tummy time as Garth instructed at her weight check.

By six weeks, Cas was feeling pretty human and like he had a slight grip on their days together. Caroline continued to be easy going and Cas could not help but think that she had some of his calm demeanor in her little personality. She made sweet sounds and kicked vigorously, and Dean came home at night eager to spend time with her and give Cas a bit of a break.

As much as Cas loved caring for their sweet girl, it was an intense day. That intensity was multiplied by the fact that Cas had only left the house a few times since Caroline was born and those trips were only for weight checks at the clinic. They’d had a few visitors, but Cas had spent the majority of his time since the birth with only Dean and Caroline. They had set Cas’ post birth recheck as the timeline for keeping Caroline isolated.

It was their conscious choice to keep Caroline away from the germ fest in general. They knew the side effect of that choice would be cocooning themselves away a bit. They had even spent a quiet Easter at home, no egg hunts with friends. They had colored eggs and taken pictures. But the holiday itself was just a cute girl with a stuffed bunny in her first basket and a beautiful pink smocked front dress. Oh, and an incredible ham dinner.

Now though, Cas was looking forward to his six week checkup and reentering their social circles. He longed to get out into the warming weather and go for walks and maybe to the park to read a book and listen to the children play. Having Caroline would give him a whole new world in which to network. He was excited to be the person with the carriage and not longing for it.

He also looked forward to being cleared for he and Dean to resume the intimate part of their relationship, though he would not lie and say he wasn’t a tad bit nervous about it. Still he missed Dean and he missed sex with Dean. His thoughts vacillated between two scenarios. First, wanting Dean to wine and dine him with a romantic dinner date, ending with a slow, intense night in bed, Dean taking him apart kiss by kiss. Second, visions of Cas throwing his husband down on the bed and taking what he was missing.

Cas smiled to himself the morning of his appointment, humming, lost in his thoughts of the possibilities for how their evening would end. Unfortunately for both of them, it would not end either of the ways Cas had envisioned and it wouldn’t even end pleasantly. Cas should have recognized that fate was not in his corner as the days events developed. It began with a stilted text from Dean, not even a call.

**Dean: Emergency on the flightline with a jet. Not gonna make the appointment.**  
**Cas: Everything okay?**  
**Dean: No or I would be picking you up soon.**  
**Cas: I mean is everyone okay?**

Cas waited nervously for thirty minutes before he got a response to his last text. He could feel his blood pressure rising. Finally, Dean answered.

**Dean: fine but getting our asses chewed. I can’t text anymore. See you later.**

Cas read the terse answer and his heart fell a little. He hadn’t meant to bother Dean, he was just concerned. Dean hadn’t seemed to understand that. No I love you, no pet names. Cas stood in the living room, cell phone in hand, unshowered and alone.

A little grunt from Caroline brought Cas from his thoughts and he began to formulate a plan to get himself to the clinic for his appointment. He briefly considered rescheduling, but It was warm enough, so he decided they could break out the stroller and walk. He’d have to hurry, though.

He strapped Caroline into her car seat, much to her downy haired chagrin, and hopped in the shower. He could hear her winding up, but scrubbed thoroughly anyway. He wasn’t going to go to have all of his parts looked at without a particularly detailed cleanup.

She was wailing by the time he finished his shower and he dried off quickly and threw on a pair of his nice boxers before releasing Caroline from her self proclaimed hardship. She rooted against him immediately, so he let her nurse while he gathered all he would need to make the trip on foot.

He laid out his clothes, black yoga pants, nursing tank, a t shirt and a zip up fleece. It was supposed to be sixty and clear, so Cas hoped for the best. He grabbed the diaper bag and carefully filled it with two spare outfits, a handful of diapers and a spare pacifier. They always had a package of wipes, a burp cloth and a spare swaddling blanket in the pockets. Cas had learned the hard way at an appointment for Caroline to over prepare.

So bag packed, he chose an adorable outfit for his sweet girl. It had been her Easter outfit, the first real pink item they had bought her. Even better, Dean had picked it out himself, as a surprise. Cas cleaned her up as well as he could without the time for a bath and put her in the pink onsie undershirt, pink tights, pink smocked dress and floral sunbonnet. She was just as breathtaking as the first time she had worn it, big blue eyes and the fringe of dark hair peeking out. Plus, she would be warm in the stoller.

Not actually being hungry, just ticked for being put in the car seat, she eventually let go of Cas and he could put her down on the bed. He made faces at her and kept her entertained while he threw on his own clothes. He tied his sneaks and he was ready.

 

He decided a pacifier would do and he would just nurse her if she got fussy. So baby ready and bag packed, he wrestled the stroller out the front door, opened it, and strapped Caroline in as quick as he could. He bundled her with a warm blanket, and satisfied it was warm enough to expose her face, he began his walk to the clinic.

Now that they were on their way, his mind was clear enough to realize that Dean had not even texted to see if Cas had a way to get to the appointment or if he would reschedule, or any communication at all since he had texted so abruptly before. Cas’ brain knew that there was good reason, but postpartum Cas was unfortunately thinking with half heart, half brain and he could sense his feelings bruising. Honestly, he kept hoping to hear the sound of the Impala come up behind him any moment.

Still he marched on proudly, wheeling his little bundle in the jogging stroller. The handle flipped sides and she was in the carseat style bucket seat facing him today because she was still so tiny. Eventually, though, she would face out and feel the breeze on her face when he ran with her.

As they walked, Cas realized it was warmer than 60 and after about fifteen minutes, he checked his phone and it was actually seventy degrees and he could feel himself begin to sweat a bit. He had made it out of the housing area and was headed towards the hospital which housed the OB clinic. He never noticed in the car that this direction was all a little uphill.

He knew in his quick plan that it would be quite a walk, he planned on almost forty five minutes, but now he realized he was out of shape and going up a very slight incline but an incline nonetheless and it would take a bit longer than he originally thought. He had plenty of time, his appointment was not until ten and he had left at eight thirty, but he would be a sweaty mess when they arrived.

And indeed he was. He made his first stop at the bathroom, having to pee and needing to attempt to wipe away some of the sweat pooling in the small of his back and soaking his hair. He had taken off the jacket part way up the hill, but he was still way over heated and in the men’s room with his baby. Neither of which he was happy about.

Cleaned up as much as possible, he headed for the clinic, stopping to slurp at the water fountain as gracefully as his thirst would let him. Note to self for next time, water bottle for Dada in the diaper bag. He signed in at the front desk in the OB clinic with what had to be the largest stroller ever manufactured and sat, waiting to be called. He was the only patient without his spouse and it stung a bit, especially since his mind would not give up the vision of Dean tearing in at the last minute smelling of grease and fuel to show everyone in the waiting room how hard he had tried to get to the appointment.

Caroline who had thankfully fallen asleep with the motion of stroller, was now waking and not too happy about it. Cas lifted her from the stroller to find her sweaty and he panicked. He removed the bonnet and fluffed the dress, but the cotton had absorbed the sweat and she was pretty damp. Her first howl jolted him into nursing mode and he fiddled with his clothing realizing that he had not chosen a nursing top and now had to hike his shirt all the way up exposing his belly until he could get a blanket over them. At least everyone in the room glanced sympathetically in his direction.

As soon as he was settled and she was happily nursing, a tech came out to call the next patient. Cas thought that at least he had time to nurse Caroline a bit before he would have his turn. Of course he thought that just as the tech in uniform called his name again.

“Mr. Winchester?”

Startled, he unlatched Caroline who began to fuss and stuffed the blanket back into the diaper bag, flinging the strap over his shoulder while trying to hoist himself up off the chair and attempting to maneuver the stroller towards the door. He was accomplishing nothing and Caroline was getting louder when one of the other patients waiting tapped him on the elbow.

She smiled at him calmly and said, “Take a deep breath, leave the stroller here and take the diaper bag and the baby with you. No one will bother it.”

He smiled back at her, on the verge of tears and did what she said. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers. Once in the exam room area, he had to be weighed and have his blood pressure taken. Both of the numbers were disturbing and he had to let a stranger hold Caroline while he was weighed. He was closer to his prepregnancy weight but still not where he thought he would be by now, not that it mattered. He didn’t care about how much he weighed, but he did not like being out of shape and today had proved he most certainly was.

His blood pressure was high, but it did not change when he laid down, so the nurse was sure it was situational, meaning he was nervous. He was nervous. He wished more than ever that Dean would pop through the door to be here with him. He nodded at the nurse, feeling like it was climbing as they spoke. He needed to relax. She instructed him to remove all of his clothing and put on the gown, sitting on the exam table with the opening to the front. He did not know how he was going to do that without having somewhere to place Caroline.

“Umm, I don’t have anyone to hold the baby. What should I do?”

“Your spouse is not coming?”

Cas swallowed hard at the disbelief in her voice. “Uh, no, he had an emergency at work and can’t make it.”

“Oh. I could take her with me if you want, keep her out by the desk?”

Cas felt himself pale. “No, no thank you, maybe I could...maybe I shouldn’t have come. Should I reschedule?”

“Well, you’re here now and they don’t like to cancel appointments. Wait! You had a stroller. Hang on.”

Cas let out a breath he had been holding. This was truly turning into a shit show and he was beginning to crumble. He hated crying and yet he could feel the tears forming. He wiped his eyes as the door opened and the tech walked in holding the seat portion of the stroller.

“Here we go, give this a try...should fit nicely in the chair.”

Cas strapped Caroline in and gave her the pacifier. He rocked it a bit and she dozed in and out. Good, she would probably go to sleep for a while. He could nurse her before walking home.

He was barely changed and seated when there was a knock at the door. He felt relief flood as he looked up, expecting, Gilda, his friend to be there to help him through this traitorous day.  
He was shocked when he saw a young gentleman in a doctor’s coat entered with the nurse/tech from before.

“Hello…?” Cas said curiously. The obvious began to sink in and Cas’ thought this could not possibly be happening.

“Good morning, I bet you’re surprised to see me instead of your midwife. She is unfortunately not feeling well today, apparently the whole family has a virus, so I’m taking her appointments.”

Fuck my life, Cas thought as the doctor began to go through the appointment. He answered all the questions in a blur of disbelief. He wanted nothing more than to reschedule but he was here and it wasn’t like he had never had exams from other doctors before. Most of all, he wanted Dean.

It was an uncomfortable exam at best, though the young doctor was very pleasant and gentle, but extremely thorough. He cleared Cas for physical activity as he felt up to it, including sexual activity. Cas blushed profusely as he received instructions on using lubricant and careful preparation as he resumed said sexual activity. Then he began the talk on birth control options. Cas hung on to what was left of his dignity and hoped it ended soon. He and Dean already had decided to let their family increase as nature allowed it, but this Doctor was clearly new and going by the proverbial book. He would be having this discussion all over again with Gilda anyway...it wasn’t this nice doctor’s fault. Cas zoned out and hoped Caroline hung on and slept just a little longer.

Nothing would feel as good as getting dressed and getting out into the fresh air. Also, he was going to get something really decadent as a reward for what he had been through. There was a little snack bar/pizza place across the street from the hospital and he was going there directly after this fiasco was over.

The doctor asked if Cas had any questions before ending the appointment and leaving the room with a little blush of his own. The nurse told Cas he could get dressed and she would take his blood pressure one more time before he left.

Using paper towels and warm water from the sink, Cas cleaned the medical lube from his backside, wincing a bit. He was surprised at how tender he still was on the inside more than the outside. He got dressed and grabbed Caroline, meeting the nurse in the triage area to have his pressure taken. If was still a bit high, but significantly lower and he waited until the doctor had been given the numbers and released him, confirming that it had indeed been nerves and not a medical issue driving up his pressure.

Cas sighed, relieved that it was over and annoyed that they needed the confirmation given how his day had formed and progressed. It took him several minutes to get Caroline’s seat reinstalled and he was becoming embarrassed when he heard the blessed click of the locking mechanism. He tied his fleece around his waist, tucked Caroline’s blanket around her loosely and headed for the door. Of course because his life sucked today, he bumped the door jam three times before he was able to make his exit.

He hightailed it with baggage in tow grateful when the sunshine hit his face and the breeze moved through his hair. He sat on a bench to organize himself, throwing himself a personal pity party. He’d earned it.

“Well, Caroline...that was a treat, huh?” he asked his still sleeping baby girl. He checked to be sure he still had his wallet, including his ID, pacifiers, blankets, burp cloths, etc. He repacked the diaper bag to be ready for what hit him next, he knew his luck at this point and satisfied with things, he headed across the street to find himself a treat. He texted Dean quickly.

**Cas: My appointment is over. I am all clear. I can exercise and _everything_. Grabbing some lunch and then walking home. Hope your day is going better. Love you…**

He cleared his throat harshly, ignoring the tears that wanted to form when he got no reply. He was being silly, an emergency at work was just that, an emergency. Dean couldn't answer, it wasn’t his choice. Still, Cas struggled.

Finally at a booth with a basket of tacos and a piece of chocolate cake called appropriately, chocolate thunder, he settled in to chow down. Caroline sensing that Cas had purchased food needing two hands, woke and began to cry after one bite of taco. Sighing again at the providence of it all, he picked her up and snuggled her before settling her in to nurse. He flipped the blanket over his shoulder and did the best he could on his tacos with one hand.

He eventually made it though his food and Caroline was full and happy in the stroller as he enjoyed every bite of his cake. They walked home slowly. Cas was full and a little sorer than he expected, and it wasn’t just his backside. He had not used his arms and legs for anything but lifting Caroline or walking to the sofa for six weeks.

No matter, he and Dean did not have to have actual sex tonight. They could fool around a little, help each other out... a little helping hand so to speak. Surely Dean would have the energy for that if Cas did. Cas snorted out loud at the thought and checked his phone again. No answer from Dean. He must still be busy on the flight line.

When they got home, Cas gave Caroline a little tummy time on her mat on the bedroom floor while he rinsed off in the shower. Then he gave her a bath and nursed her to sleep as they took a nap together on his bed. He woke as afternoon sun was warming the room.

He gave Caroline a quick diaper change and headed down to see what he could do about dinner. His phone was on the counter and even though it was after four, Dean was not home, nor had he texted or called.

It was warm so he thought maybe grilled chicken salads for dinner. He popped Caroline into her swing and set it moving while he seasoned chicken and started the grill.

He ate alone and cleaned up the dishes, wrapping Dean’s plate and placing it in the fridge. He nearly hurdled the counter when he heard his phone ding with a text.

**Dean: Finally done, gonna get a beer with Benny and the guys. Might be late.**

Cas’ heart dropped. They didn’t usually go out separately. He was sure Dean and the guys were just commiserating after a long hard shift, but it was a bitter pill after his day. He’d experienced a pretty shitty hand himself and he was looking forward to a little comfort from Dean. Maybe, just maybe he was looking forward to a little more.

Not wanting to be the nagging spouse, he texted his response. He hoped Dean would see through his words and know he needed him.

**Cas: Okay, thanks for texting I was getting worried. Should I wait up? I’ve had a day.**

**Dean: No don’t wait up**

“Thanks for the concern. Jesus. Whatever. Friday night with me and the baby. Ben and Jerry can join us, right Caroline?” he called out to the baby swinging in the other room.

He contemplated an evening walk through the neighborhood but he was still a bit chafed and sore from his earlier trek. He flicked on the television and hunted the channels until he found Ratatouille just starting and he snuggled with Caroline to watch.

“This is a great little story, mouse. Only it has a rat...who cooks...you’ll love it,” he said to her as he made up his mind to make the best of his Friday night.

He decided it must have been a really bad day if Dean went out with his buddies instead of coming home to him, even more so to Caroline. However, Dean was always attentive to Cas and if Dean needed one evening of having a few beers, Cas could give it to him. He buried his hurt feelings in ice cream and watched as a little rat cooked in a french restaurant.

He went to bed about eleven after feeding Caroline in the rocker in the nursery, reading her a few stories. He swaddled her and tucked her in the bassinet next to the bed. He crawled into his side of the bed in boxers and a t shirt, no nursing tank, just in case Dean came home in the next little while. If he wasn’t too tired, maybe Cas could make them both feel better.

Cas woke to an empty bed, but the sound of the shower running. The relief he felt was immense and he waited for his husband to join him in bed. He slipped off his clothes in hopes that Dean would take a hint. He pretended to be asleep and anticipated Dean crawling in bed and pulling him close only to find him naked. He could hardly wait to hear what Dean would say about that. Six weeks was a long time and they had a great sex life to get back to.

Only Dean said nothing and crept to his side of the bed as if Cas was sound asleep and he did not want to wake him. Cas pretended to be asleep and when Dean was lightly snoring, Cas let some of the tears that he had suppressed all day fall silently into his pillow.

*****

When Cas woke again it was to the snuffling of Caroline. He grabbed his clothes and put them on quickly before she woke Dean and he trotted off to the nursery with her. He changed her and sat with her, pulling a blanket over them both and relishing the quiet time with her. She was changing and he knew it, the soft newness of her face lengthening out into that chubby baby look. He wanted to hang onto this newborn look as long as he could.

Sometimes she slept four hours instead of two and that was becoming a more frequent occurrence. Tonight was one of those nights and she had slept until almost four in the morning. When she had her fill, he swaddled her warmly and placed her in her crib. He was trying to do that now and again so that when she outgrew the bassinet, the crib would not be foreign to her.

He crept back to bed and bumped the bed a bit, sort of hoping to make Dean stir. She would sleep for a few hours at least and maybe he and Dean could have a little time alone. Dean did not even break his breathing rhythm so Cas just looked at Dean a little longingly and dozed back off himself.

Dean slept through his daughter’s cries, Cas could only assume that Dean had put back more than a few beers and left his husband to sleep it off. He threw on some sweats and a henley. It could be chilly in the morning.

“Good morning, sweet girl. How’s my sunshine this morning?” Cas cooed at Caroline as he changed her diaper and headed down to the kitchen where he put the tea kettle on the stove and grabbed a mug and a peppermint tea bag.

Caroline began to fuss so Cas settled her into the crook of his arm and adjusted his clothing to allow her to nurse. He was pretty proficient at nursing and accomplishing small tasks, now. He swayed until the kettle boiled and then he poured his mug full and stirred in a spoon of sugar. He bobbed the tea back a few times before depositing it in the sink and screwing on the travel mug lid. He was always afraid of burning the baby with hot tea and the travel mug was a good compromise.

They sat on the couch enjoying the quiet together and Cas couldn’t help but feel badly about how his day ended yesterday. By nine Cas had made himself some oatmeal and ate as Caroline lay on the couch next to him cooing and watching the ceiling fan spin. He checked on Dean soon after and he was still snoring away.

By the time eleven hit and he heard Dean’s footsteps overhead, Cas was more than a little perturbed. Still he fried bacon and made pancakes, sure Dean would need to eat something. He was ready just as Dean came downstairs looking rough but better than Cas expected.

“Man did we have a hell of a day yesterday. Hey little mouse. How’s Daddy’s girl today, huh? Thanks for letting me sleep in, Cas. I was beat,” Dean said as he came to the kitchen with Caroline in his arms.

“No problem. I’m sure you had a trying day. Everything end alright?” Cas asked, biting his tongue and trying to both hold it together and be pleasant.

“Yeah, they had some new idiot in refueling put the wrong fuel in three of our jets and no one discovered it until they started to stall out on the runway. We literally had to take apart every engine, replace every fuel cell and all the gaskets. It was a fucking nightmare.” He had been careful to whisper the swear word.

“I can’t believe someone did that,” Cas said. “How dangerous.”

“Anyway, we finished all of that about five last night and we all went to burn off steam at Henrickson’s suggestion. Benny and I were surprised to be included and went along. It was kinda nice to be in with the guys.” He began to eat his breakfast and Cas took Caroline from him so he could use both hands. “Turns out Benny and I were the first to figure it out and kind of the heroes of the job.”

Cas was torn. He was proud of Dean now that he had heard his side of the story and Cas did not begrudge him his moment of glory. He had just wanted Dean to ask about him. Dean’s job was important, but Cas’ checkup after giving birth was important too. Maybe more important because it was them, their intimacy or their recent lack thereof.

He bit the bullet and decided to be supportive. He wanted to be supportive. “Well it’s nice not to be the newbie with training wheels, I guess.”

Dean looked at Cas and smiled, looking grateful that Cas had understood. “Yeah, it really was.”

Cas waited for Dean to ask about his checkup and when he didn’t, Cas let it go. Only he didn't really let it go, he just shoved it down and tried to ignore it. He felt childish and petty, but he was not going to report like a spoiled kid that he’d had a hard day, too. His measly troubles hardly compared with saving million dollar jets that had gotten the wrong fuel.

“Do you mind if I shower while you have her?” Cas asked, unable to control the chill and disappointment in his voice.

Dean face registered his surprise at being asked that question. “No, go ahead. Give her here.”

Cas handed her over and headed up to shower without so much as even a good morning kiss. He didn’t know if he was angrier at Dean for that, or at himself for not just addressing how he felt about the whole situation, for being passive instead of proactive.

Instead of heading to the shower right away, he sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, trying to rationalize his feelings. On one hand, he felt he had a right to be upset that Dean had not asked about the appointment he had missed. On the other, Cas realized that Dean was usually very attentive to him in regards to things like this. He could honestly see Dean simply being overwhelmed yesterday and then caught off guard by being included in the camaraderie after the emergency.

But Cas had texted Dean and kept him informed. They were both looking forward to this appointment, to see if Cas was doing as well as he felt...to know if they could resume their sex life. It was important...at least it was to Cas. Maybe that was the problem, maybe it was simply not at important to Dean. Maybe with a budding career, Cas was no longer as important to Dean. That must be it. He hung his head again, just as he heard Dean’s footsteps enter the room.

********

Dean was exhausted, and maybe still a little drunk, hungover at the very least. It had been a hell of a long day and then when Henrickson said the guys were taking Dean and Benny out for a few beers, Dean hardly had the time to text Cas before the guys were busting his chops about answering to his spouse. Dean tried to explain that he just wanted Cas to know where he was.

Round after round of beers came his way and soon he found himself driven home by someone who was still in the shape to get behind the wheel. He crept into the house and showered off the grime of the day in case Caroline needed to come to bed with them. He crawled into bed as quietly as he could, being sure not to disturb Cas who was sound asleep. They didn’t usually go out without each other, but Dean hadn’t felt like he couldn’t really refuse.

When He woke, Cas was downstairs with Caroline and seemed fine about everything so he just sat and ate the breakfast Cas had made for him. Maybe Cas was fine with everything and Dean was making a big deal over nothing. Then in one question, Dean knew Cas was not fine.

“Do you mind if I shower while you have her?” Cas had asked. He sounded distant and a little annoyed.

Dean swallowed hard before he answered. “No, go ahead. Give her here, Babe.”

He took Caroline as Cas headed upstairs and played with her in the living room on her mat on the carpet. She had already been nursed and it wasn’t long before her eyes began to droop and Dean walked her upstairs found a pacifier and rocked her to sleep. She was really a great baby, so easy to soothe and comfort. She was wrapped in a swaddle and in her crib asleep when Dean headed to the bedroom to see what he could do to fix what he was certain was a problem with Cas.

He stopped still in the doorway when he found Cas sitting on the bed. He had not even gotten in the shower yet. He realised that he had never heard the shower start. Cas was sitting with his head in his hands, slouched over, elbows on his knees.

Dean quietly made his way to cas side and sat on the bed, leaving a little space between them. Cas didn’t even move when Dean sat.

“You okay, Babe?”

Cas rubbed his hands over his face and answered with what sounded like a sarcastic chuckle, “Oh, now you want to know how I am?”

Dean sucked in a breath. He had definitely missed something here. Cas was definitely upset and clearly Dean had caused it. He was not going to drag this out or be a jerk. He had missed an appointment and come home drunk in the wee hours of the morning. He was pretty sure that the Impala was still parked in the NCO Club parking lot. Best to pull the bandaid off quickly.

“Clearly, I have messed up. I should have come home. I’m sorry.”

“That’s not why I am upset. Do you really think I don’t want you to be part of your team at work?” Cas asked, sounding truly annoyed.

Now Dean was thoroughly confused.

“Well I guess I don’t know. Cas, I have a hell of a headache and yesterday was a hellish grind which is not your fault, but I am just going to ask you to tell me why you are upset. I am not even going to pretend to know exactly what it is that you are upset about.”

Cas’ eyes widened at that and Dean clarified. “I meant that I know you have a reason to be upset. I feel uncomfortable about the whole situation, but just help me understand so we can fix it. Please?”

“Dean, if I need to tell you what you did, then maybe I am just overreacting. You had a rough day. I get it. I had a rough day, too. Let’s just leave it as a mutually rough day and move on, alright? I’m not gonna be a whiner about one night. You certainly have the right to go out once in a while.”

Dean took a chance and moved closer placing his hand on the small of Cas. back. “You had a bad day? Did your appointment with Gilda not go well?”

Cas looked at him and asked flatly. “Did you not get my texts?”

Dean said as sincerely as possible, “Babe, my phone was in my locker all day and I barely got to text you before we started in at the bar at the club. I’m sorry. Tell me about your day. Start at the beginning.”

Cas must have realized Dean was sincere because he leaned into Dean and rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. “My day was trivial compared to saving million dollar jets, Dean.”

“No it’s not. It shouldn’t be...it shouldn’t have been. Tell me.”

Cas relayed how he felt when Dean texted and Dean felt awful about how insensitive he had appeared even though he had not intended it to be his tone. By the time Cas told him about the strange doctor, he was fighting tears and Dean felt horrible.

“I’m sorry, Babe. I feel just terrible about the whole day,” Dean told him and he meant it. He really felt like he had let Cas down.

“I’m fine Dean. We did fine. I feel better knowing you were just really busy and that you had no idea I was struggling. Things like this are going to happen. I don’t want to be needy, to be that kind of husband. I am here to support you, not drag you down.”

“Cas... you never drag me down. Don’t even think that for a minute. That appointment was important to both of us. I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

“Thanks sweetheart. I appreciate the apology,” Cas whispered in Dean’s ear. “I won’t tell you that I was naked in bed when you came home, hoping you would find me.”

“Hahaha Cas, very funny. Like you are in any kind of shape to be ready for sex yet,” Dean laughed. He remembered Cas was sore after internal exams and didn’t want him to think that he expected Cas to just jump back into sex immediately.

Cas pulled away quickly and looked at Dean with tremendous hurt in his eyes. “What? What does that mean exactly, Dean?”

Dean watched as Cas pulled away, stood up, and crossed his arms closing off after Dean’s comment. “I mean I know I am not in shape anymore, but it’s only been six-”

“Hey, hey, hey, now,” Dean hushed softly, standing to move in front of Cas. “I just meant that after your appointments you were sometimes sore and I wouldn’t expect you to just...you know. I didn’t mean anything else, Babe.”

Cas had clearly had enough and he hid his face as his tears fell. Dean felt like a complete asshole as his husband crumbled before his eyes. He had not meant anything negative by what he said.

“I mean, I know I’m a mess,” Cas choked out. “I can work on it now.”

Dean moved to embrace Cas, who had begun to sob, but he flinched so Dean stopped and just tried to explain himself and reassure his hurting husband. Cas looked like a wounded animal and Dean was responsible for that.

“Cas, Jesus Christ...I didn’t mean that at all. You’re not a mess and you don’t have to work on anything for me. As long as you feel good, that’s all that counts to me. You’re beautiful and attractive and I love you just the way you are. My God, can I hug you, please?”

Cas took a deep breath and stepped forward. Dean pulled him into a tight hug. Cas was still shaking and crying but at least he let Dean hold him.

“I’m sorry, Hon. I’m so sorry,” Dean whispered in Cas’ ear.

“I was scared...I’m still scared...I’m not the same anymore and...and...you didn’t come...I kept hoping you’d just be late…”

“Cas,” Dean breathed out, full of regret.

“I just needed you, I’m sorry...I needed you…” Cas cried into Dean’s neck.

Dean sucked in a quick breath when Cas finally let go and confessed how he really felt. He fought back tears of his own, but Cas needed his support. Clearly he was struggling if he thought for even a moment that Dean’s feelings would change because of a difference in how Cas looked. Dean was failing Cas if that was how he felt.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am for not being there for you. I couldn’t have left work, but I should have checked my phone after, seen what had happened and come home to you. Beer with the guys was not as important as you. Cas, sweetheart...nothing and nobody will ever be as important to me as you and Caroline.”

Cas settled a bit after Dean spoke, but stayed tucked into his side. Dean knew it might just be a bit more than an uncomfortable appointment. “Cas, having kids is going to be a change for you, physically and for both of us in other ways. I just need you to know that those changes to your body will never be unattractive to me.”

Cas shrugged and Dean thought for a minute.

“Babe, if I got hurt at work...if I had a scar or worse lost a limb or something-”

“Jesus, Dean. Don’t say things like that!”

“Hear me out, Cas. I need you to understand my feelings on this. If I did get hurt and my appearance as you know it changed, would you be less attracted to me, sexually?”

“No, that’s ridicu…” Dean could hear Cas thinking as his words froze on his lips.

“Then why do you think it would be any different for me about your body after having our children?”

“It shouldn’t, I guess. I just had been feeling so good and then I had to walk to the clinich with the stroller and I realised I was soooo out of shape, then they weighed me and my pressure was high...not to mention how odd it was to be examined by a stranger. All my imperfections were suddenly so...prominent.”

“Battle scars, Babe. Think of them as battle scars in our journey to parenthood. You have stretch marks and I have brain farts and don’t read my texts. You can’t control yours, I just made shitty decisions.”

Cas nodded against Dean and then lifted his head. His eyes looked so red and puffy, Dean felt bad that he had caused some of that.

“Still, I love the road we are on, Dean. I’m not unhappy with where we are going, are you?”

“No way, Babe! I think we just get so used to being happy that we forget sometimes there are gonna be bumps in the road.”

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Cas said with a small smile. It was a start.

“Now come on, let’s take a shower before Miss Caroline wakes up.”

Dean pulled Cas to his feet and into the bathroom. He had some pampering to do, Cas had earned it and Dean would do anything to smooth out the bumps in this little bit of road.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lord do I need inspiration...if you have any thoughts on this story and what you would like to see next, speak up. I need to hear it. I am stuck in a bog here...


	20. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a tiny epilogue. I think I need to end it here. There may be another section to this verse but I feel like I need time to think about it. Thanks to everyone for reading and supporting me in this one!

Cas came in quietly figuring Dean had a small chance of getting Caroline to sleep at her regular naptime. It had only been a solo trip to the commissary for diapers and a little food, but it felt like a week in the Bahamas to Cas. Caroline was six months old and getting clingy. It seemed like she was in the Moby wrap, nursing, as soon as her eyes opened in the morning until bedtime minus naps. Cas even had sore nipples again she was so constantly attached to him. 

Dean had never kept her home alone before. He had watched her while Cas shopped or stayed with her in the car, but the need had never arisen and finally Cas needed to step away. Dean was both thrilled and nervous. Cas saw it in his face when he was heading out the door. He kissed them both and ignored Caroline’s tears which were shards of glass in his heart.   
He had taken his time, he didn’t often drive Baby and he enjoyed feeling the power under him even if he never drove above 30 miles per hour. He lazily strolled through the aisles of the commissary, enjoying conversation with people that he knew and ran into while shopping. He wasn’t gonna lie, there were not many people he didn’t talk to whether he knew them or not. He loved his days with Caroline and their evenings as a family but adult conversation besides Dean was hard to come by and he took advantage of the opportunity. 

Before he realised it, he had been gone a couple of hours. He may have sauntered through the BX as well just for kicks. He tossed his purchases in the back seat and headed home to see how his two favorite people were doing. 

He came in through the garage and the smell hit him first. Caroline had just begun to eat fruits and drink juice (Cas was an earth mother and she solely nursed until the six month mark). However, based on the pile of laundry he stepped over and the pungent odor, she must have gifted Dean with a complete outfit blowout. Cas set the groceries on the dryer and started the washer, tossing in the clothes and towels. He was unable to repress his snicker.

“Dean Winchester, how many towels does it take to wipe up a little poo?” Cas shook his head and used a clorox wipe to clean the floor where the mess had been. 

He heard no greeting so he assumed Dean wanted quiet, maybe Caroline was just going down. 

Taking the groceries to the kitchen he was pressed for counter space. Everywhere he looked there was some sort of clutter or disarray. Good god, all Dean had to do was heat up a bottle. But there were chopped bananas, empty breast milk packets and bottles, and opened baby fruit jars littering the counters, not to mention the dishes in the sink. 

He breezed right through the jumble in the living room, concern growing at the chaos left behind. Maybe he should not have stayed so long at the store. He hoped Caroline hadn’t cried too much. Guilt began to seep into his thoughts. He had himself worried into a near tizzy when the crib was empty in the nursery. 

He was about to call out when he saw them. He’d clean the entire house top to bottom just to see the two of them like this again. They were in bed together. Dean was sound asleep, shirtless, with Caroline who lay sprawled and relaxed on her Daddy’s chest, out like a light. It was one of the most beautiful moments Cas had seen and he would cherish it. 

He dared not disturb them but snapped no less than 47 pictures with his phone before backing out of the room to continue cleaning up after the two loves of his life. 

He had loved his time away this morning, but he was certainly glad to come home, mess and all.


End file.
